After one of our shows last week, I was walking out through the lobby, on my way to see my brother and his girlfriend. Sometimes audience members are clustered around out there, and lots of times they stop me to talk to me. It’s nice. It’s nice on many levels – one of them being that it FORCES you to take a compliment gracefully – which is a dying art, if you ask me. Watch how people routinely denigrate themselves when you compliment them (and having your compliment denigrated is such a dis). Watch how often people blow off your compliment by saying, “Ahhh, I was really off tonight –” or whatever. If you look at examples of 18th century and 19th century correspondence – the manners are breathtaking. And manners make you the opposite of stiff and insincere. Good manners actually warm the room up.<\/p>\n
It is hard for me to just calmly accept compliments – whether it comes from a stranger or from my boyfriend or from a friend. I still get awkwzrd when I am praised. I have a tendency to blow it off – to do that self-deprecating thing – to change the subject. Maybe it’s because I actually don’t like all the attention. I mean, of course I do – when I’m on stage, I love the attention – but when I’m off, I can feel awkward with people just standing around talking to me about the play and my work in it. Any actor who is out there will totally get what I’m talking about.<\/p>\n
I was going out into the lobby to find my brother – which I did. We were heading back into the theatre for the Q and A session we were holding … and suddenly this woman stopped me and said – with a sincerity that could not be faked, it came straight from her heart: “Oh my God. You. You.” She reached out and grabbed onto my arm. “You were so wonderful.” Her openness kind of stunned me – this was not your garden variety, “Good show” compliment. She had been moved by what I had done, and I felt that she had been waiting to talk to me specifically. “You. You<\/i>.”<\/p>\n
It’s not that I don’t appreciate compliments! No! It’s just that I feel awkward while they are occurring. This woman was so sweet, and I said to her, and I meant it- “Oh God, thank you so much<\/i> – it means a lot to hear …”<\/p>\n
“I just … I just … I don’t even know what to say …” I could tell then: something had happened to her, she had taken my performance personally … She had had an experience. It really moved her. I have been in her shoes, I know what that feels like.<\/p>\n
She was so sweet – enthusiastic, open, kind.<\/p>\n
“Thank you so much! I am so glad to hear you enjoyed it …”<\/p>\n
She ended up joining the QA, and her questions were sweet, and open. I kind of loved her, truth be told. Not because she loved me but because she was so obviously moved by the entire experience.<\/p>\n
And the next day I found out that that woman was SHARON OLDS.<\/p>\n