{"id":4032,"date":"2005-12-14T13:16:42","date_gmt":"2005-12-14T18:16:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=4032"},"modified":"2005-12-14T13:16:42","modified_gmt":"2005-12-14T18:16:42","slug":"comedy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=4032","title":{"rendered":"Comedy"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Alex tells us: “I married MacGyver<\/a>“.<\/p>\n

I married MacGyver. I did. It\u0092s not just that Chrisanne can take a paper clip and create a National Bank with 4 branches; it\u0092s that she can take a paper clip and design the plans, hire the workers, install new carpeting, and THEN create a National Bank with 4 branches. It\u0092s really frightening.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

2. Patrick Hughes <\/a>who I think is one of the funniest blogger I’ve ever read – I started to go back through his archives when I first discovered him and literally could not read it at work, because I got WAY too out of control with the guffawing – describes his encounter with robots at Netflix<\/a>. It’s just the way he writes<\/i> – something about it just totally hits the ol’ Sheila funny bone.<\/p>\n

Cindy! Thank you, that was very interesting information. You’re a robot too, aren’t you? And a very pretty robot, too, I bet! Not like that dry, distant Steven. I like pretty robots. I like you. Write back soon, OK?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

3. More from Tomato Nation, this time on New York delis<\/a>. Her description of annoying Lottery-ticket buyers is SO spot on. She has captured them perfectly.<\/p>\n

The average lottery transaction is conducted in a manner so painstaking, so deliberate, so dogged and inflexible that it suggests a compulsive disorder of some kind — not a gambling addiction. Something more like autism. The lottery customer comes up to the counter, plants feet firmly in front of the machine, and will not move <\/i>and will not break eye contact <\/i>with the machine or with its operator, and will not interrupt the recitation of the numbers for any reason<\/i>, and if the recitation is interrupted, the customer will repeat them <\/i>and then repeat them again <\/i>as if it is the incantation that is lucky and not the numbers themselves, to the point where the siren and bellowing horn of a passing fire engine is filling the entire deli with sound and the customer is screaming <\/i>the numbers over all of that, and then when she gets her tickets she just stands there<\/i>, entranced by them, counting them, sorting them, reading them with her lips moving, like, you already held up the whole line playing fifty different sets of numbers — now that you’ve completed your transaction, do you think you could get your still-not-rich ass out of the way<\/i>? <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

4. Jess writes “An open letter to guys on Nerve Personals who are well out of my age range and live in other states yet still wink at me on a regular basis<\/a>”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Alex tells us: “I married MacGyver“. I married MacGyver. I did. It\u0092s not just that Chrisanne can take a paper clip and create a National Bank with 4 branches; it\u0092s that she can take a paper clip and design … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4032"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4032"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4032\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4032"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4032"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4032"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}