{"id":4076,"date":"2005-12-22T16:11:53","date_gmt":"2005-12-22T21:11:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=4076"},"modified":"2010-07-13T17:37:48","modified_gmt":"2010-07-13T21:37:48","slug":"christmas-movies-lessons-learned","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=4076","title":{"rendered":"Lessons Learned From Christmas Specials"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lessons learned from Christmas specials – By Curly McDimple. <\/a><\/p>\n

I couldn’t even get past #1 on the list for about 5 minutes. Laughing too hard.<\/p>\n

On the lesson learned from A Very Brady Christmas<\/i>:<\/p>\n

Suddenly bursting into song will miraculously lift the heavy rubble thereby releasing said loved one sans paralysis<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In this post, Curly continues her tradition of calling cartoon characters nasty names. The tradition began here, I believe<\/a>, with Curly’s bold statement: “In fact, while I’m normally loathe to use this term, I’d go so far as to say that Peppermint Patty is a cunt”. And it continues on in Curly’s Christmas post when she refers to Albert from Twas the Night Before Christmas<\/i> as “a total douche bag”.<\/p>\n

But please. Go read the whole thing.<\/a><\/p>\n

As an aside: I would just like to add my own personal story which has a correlation to her #14, where she writes: “Santa was a bit of a dick in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”<\/p>\n

Uhm – YEAH. I’d think so!! Santa? Being cold and judgmental? What??<\/p>\n

Here is my story:<\/p>\n

In college, I was hanging out with my friend Mitchell and a couple of other friends. We were in Mitchell’s beach house “down the line” – a rickety shack where we had some of our most insane cast parties. (“Down the line” basically meant you lived down in a shack on the beach as opposed to in the dorms. Living “down the line” was everyone’s goal in college! I lived “down the line” as well. We all did.)<\/p>\n

So – it was Christmastime. A couple of us had hung out, ordered pizza, whatever – and then we all watched Rudolph<\/i> on television. I loved it because – here we all were – 19, 20 years old – but we watched it as raptly as if we were 6.<\/p>\n

One of our group was Emily – a very good friend of ours. Briefly, here are the facts about Emily:<\/p>\n

— She was from the Dominican Republic<\/p>\n

— She grew up on the streets of Providence – she was in a gang<\/p>\n

— She also happened to be a math whiz. Not only that, but she really enjoyed<\/i> math.<\/p>\n

— She ended up coming to URI – through her math scores – and was the only minority female in the engineering department.<\/p>\n

— Not only that, but she had a HUGE mohawk<\/p>\n

— She also had a passion for African dance<\/p>\n

— She would wear tiny tartan kilts, ripped black tights, and huge stomping motorcycle boots<\/p>\n

So … put all that together … what do you have? Emily. Oh, and add onto that:<\/p>\n

— a huge laugh<\/p>\n

— a warm heart<\/p>\n

— a no-bullshit attitude towards friendship – she was as loyal as the day was long – but DO NOT MESS with her<\/p>\n

Here’s one Emily anecdote. Brooke – another girl in our crowd of friends – mentioned something about the girl’s Catholic school she had gone to in Providence – let’s call it St. Marks. Emily’s face lit up. Sincerely. And she said, “I used to throw bricks at girls from St. Marks!” She meant it in a kindly nostalgic way. Like: ohhh, those were the days, member when I threw bricks at you??<\/p>\n

Emily got her life together in a MAJOR way and is now getting her doctorate, I believe. But back in the day, she was throwing bricks at the girls from the Catholic school.<\/p>\n

So that’s Emily. I just need to set it up because what ended up happening was even funnier because it was EMILY who said it. The tough tattooed Mohawked ex-gang member. Who always had a calculator in her pocket.<\/p>\n

We lay around in the living room watching Rudolph<\/i>. Nobody really spoke. We were LIVING the Christmas special.<\/p>\n

Then comes the devastating realization of Santa Claus’s coldness – and how he basically shuns Rudolph from polite society. He won’t let Rudolph join in the reindeer games – he won’t even let him hang OUT with the other reindeer!! Somehow, I took all of this in stride as a child – I just accepted that Santa was kind of an asshole – but suddenly, in this particular viewing, it seemed unbeLIEVably unfair. But I didn’t say anything. I just thought it to myself.<\/p>\n

Maybe we all were. I don’t know. We all just had a silent moment of: “Wow. Santa’s really harsh there.”<\/p>\n

And Emily, sprawled out on the couch, a cigarette dangling from her lips, an ashtray piled high with butts propped on her stomach, her legs with their ripped black fishnets hooked up over the back of the couch, said in a flat dry tone, with dead matter-of-fact eyes, “Santa is a racist motherfuckah.”<\/p>\n

There was a brief pause, as we all nodded seriously, agreeing with her – we were pissed at Santa too … but then we all looked at Emily – the mohawk, the scary gang tattooes, the cigarette – she was our friend – but we suddenly saw her EXTERIOR … we all looked at each other … and just LOST IT.<\/p>\n

We lost it so bad that we missed the rest of the TV special pretty much. Emily was laughing so riotously that she thought she would asphyxiate – she had to go outside and get some air, walk around the frosty yard, try to calm down and stop laughing. We all kept trying to calm down, and breathe through it, but we could. not. get. it. back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lessons learned from Christmas specials – By Curly McDimple. I couldn’t even get past #1 on the list for about 5 minutes. Laughing too hard. On the lesson learned from A Very Brady Christmas: Suddenly bursting into song will miraculously … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[31],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4076"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4076"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4076\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19896,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4076\/revisions\/19896"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4076"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4076"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4076"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}