1. Me: “God, that’s so weird. I just mentioned that song to you – and now it’s playing on the radio! Isn’t that so weird??”
\nHim: “Not weird at all. Sheer coincidence.”
\nMe: “Thanks for the sunshine, pal.”
\nHim: “Who loves ya, baby.”<\/p>\n
2. Me: “Give me the keys to your car. NOW.”
\nHim: “There are traction issues you can’t understand.”<\/p>\n
3. Him: “I had some gumbo once. It was really good. You remind me of that. You are some really good gumbo.” <\/p>\n
4. Him: “You just looked nervous and lost. Why?”
\nMe: “I did? No, I didn’t.”
\nHim: “Yes, you did. You just looked around like you felt insecure.”
\nMe: ” …”
\nHim: “You should never have that look on your face when you’re with me.”<\/p>\n
5. Him: “What the hell are you wearing.”
\nMe: “A dress.”
\nHim: “The skirt is so short I can practically see your Si Se\u00f1or.”<\/p>\n
6. Him, 3 years in: “I know sign language.”
\nMe: “Why am I just learning this now?”<\/p>\n
7. Him, 4 years in: “You’re funny.”
\nMe: “You’re just realizing this now?”
\nHim: “No, I mean, you’re really<\/i> funny.” <\/p>\n
8. Him: “When I met you, I thought you were one way. You gave off a vibe. But then when we hooked up I realized, ‘Oh. She’s not that way at all.’ But I felt that you wanted to change, you wanted to be different. For whatever reason, I didn’t know what it was but I figured you did and if you wanted to work out your shit with me then fine.”
\nLong long pause.
\nMe: “You actually got all that back then?”
\nHim: “Yeah.”
\nMe: “And you didn’t think it was a burden? Like I was way ‘too much’?”
\nHim: “Nah. I felt like I hit the jackpot.” <\/p>\n
9. Me: [sobbing hysterically]
\nHim: [holding me, smoking a cigarette, patting my shoulder] “Come on now. Stop that.” <\/p>\n
10. Me: “You went like this: ‘Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.'”
\nHim: “WHAT? I did not.”
\nMe: “Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.”
\nHim: “WHAT?”
\nMe: “Yeah. You left that ‘Tsk Tsk’ on my answering machine.”
\nHim: “What a fucking DOUCHEBAG.”
\nMe: “No! It was amazing. I felt like you were telling me to get my head straight about us.”
\nLong long pause.
\nHim: “That is literally the most generous interpretation possible for me being a hungover asshole.”
\nMe: “But I was right, though, wasn’t I.”
\nNo response.
\nMe: “I was right.”
\nHim: “Yeah. You were.”
\n(This deserves its own post some day.) <\/p>\n
11: Him: “Sheila, you could write a novel about the last 5 minutes.” <\/p>\n
12. Him: “Your armpit should win a beauty contest.”<\/p>\n
13. Him (4 dates in): “I keep waiting for you to have problems with me.”
\nMe: “Like what?”
\nHim: “I don’t know. Everyone has problems with me. Women especially.”
\nMe: “Why?”
\nHim: “I’m not saying everyone’s wrong. I don’t know. People have problems with me for all kinds of valid reasons.”
\nMe: “I don’t have any problems with you.”
\nHim: “I know. Why not?”
\nMe: “I’m sick of this conversation.”<\/p>\n
14. Him: \u201cI feel like there\u2019s not a word evolved enough for what we are.\u201d<\/p>\n
15. Him: “Trust is more important than true love. I don’t trust anyone. But I trust you.” <\/p>\n
Thank God we found each other. Who else could deal with either of us, really.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
1. Me: “God, that’s so weird. I just mentioned that song to you – and now it’s playing on the radio! Isn’t that so weird??” Him: “Not weird at all. Sheer coincidence.” Me: “Thanks for the sunshine, pal.” Him: “Who … Continue reading