{"id":4440,"date":"2006-02-10T12:00:43","date_gmt":"2006-02-10T17:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=4440"},"modified":"2010-07-14T10:20:06","modified_gmt":"2010-07-14T14:20:06","slug":"heaven-to-me-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=4440","title":{"rendered":"Heaven Is:"},"content":{"rendered":"

…. turning on the computer in the morning, scrolling around the blog-roll, and finding that Patrick Hughes has done a photo-documentary of his time at a Renaissance “Faire”.<\/a><\/p>\n

Literally.<\/p>\n

I am in heaven.<\/p>\n

I’m a jackass, but I don’t care.<\/p>\n

Mitchell and I have had a long long LONG career of making fun of Renaissance Fairs and the people who think they are the pinnacle of all possible activities to partake in on any given weekend. I think, as actors, we are a little bit AFRAID of Renaissance Fairs, and we MUST make fun of them, because … we fear that one day we might, out of necessity, have to be involved in one … and that thought makes us very very frightened. Oh, lord, to have to dress up as a buxom red-cheeked rowdy Renaissance wench, frolicking with the anachronistic nerd guys wearing tights (and you know they don’t trim their toenails, and you know they wear their B.O. like a badge of medieval pride! Or – their one concession to 21st century hygiene is to use that Uncle Tom’s of Maine shit which I tried once, and please. Dear Uncle Tom’s: When you make a deodorant that will keep me dry and help me not to stink, and when you create a bar of soap that actually LATHERS, THEN maybe I’ll buy your sorry-ass product. I hate Uncle Tom’s.) … I think about having to perform in a Renaissance Fair, and all that that would entail, and to be honest, when I think about it, I feel bleak despondence creeping over my soul. To some people, the thought of wearing lace-up boots, and speaking in booming phony voices, and eating drumsticks with their fingers is heaven on earth. Good for you all. But man, Mitchell and I will snicker on the sidelines. The thought of 21st century women wearing pointy cone hats with flowing veils coming off the top makes Mitchell ANGRY. He doesn’t just dislike it … it makes him ANGRY. As a matter of fact, Mitchell said to me once, “When I think of Renaissance Fairs ….. my teeth itch.”<\/p>\n

And so … I sign on.<\/p>\n

I visit Patrick Hughes<\/a>. Who posts once a month. Which is, obviously, his right. Yet I am so addicted that … I check every day. I am kind of a loser.<\/p>\n

But his posts are so funny and so well-written that … well, whatever. I’m a loser and I can’t help it.<\/p>\n

So … to sign on … and see the series of photos of the Faire??? My heart LEAPT up in excitement!! Why? Because I’m a loser and I have no life!! No, but seriously. I scrolled through that whole thing … once … twice … feeling this HUGE guffaw of laughter building up in my throat … Seriously … hahahaha<\/p>\n

Here’s one quote from it – but seriously – go read the whole thing<\/a>:<\/p>\n

When did all these little plays and shit they do get so creepy and misogynistic? Everything that happened involved some knightly dude choking or swording or spanking a hapless maiden. I saw as many dastardly rogues swat indignant maidens on the ass as I did robey dudes eating giant turkey legs, and you know I saw a lot of those motherfuckers. Anyway, the nerds need to learn a damn social skill or two or get some better clothes or something, because the lack of poontang is twisting their minds and as a result their skits bum me out.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sheer. Liquid. Pleasure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

…. turning on the computer in the morning, scrolling around the blog-roll, and finding that Patrick Hughes has done a photo-documentary of his time at a Renaissance “Faire”. Literally. I am in heaven. I’m a jackass, but I don’t care. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4440"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4440"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4440\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20291,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4440\/revisions\/20291"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4440"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4440"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4440"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}