It makes perfect sense on my blog to go from the State Department in the Cold War era to Diary Friday. Sure it does.<\/p>\n
I came across this entry and … I had completely forgotten about this incident until now. Weird. That’s the good (and bad) thing about keeping a journal. These things don’t disappear. I was a junior in high school. Madly in love with DW (of course). This is from February – and there’s all this stuff about a religious retreat some of my friends and I had all gone on – that blew us AWAY. But then there’s this other incident … well, you’ll see what I mean.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kate’s back. I can tell that the retreat really affected her. I remember how I was afterwards – so vulnerable<\/u> – the big thing is – take off the masks! By the end of the weekend, I had no masks left – I’ve never (before that weekend, I mean) been able to cry easily. I want<\/u> to but I wouldn’t. But over that weekend all<\/u> that was shed – all of it – I was totally exposed. But – there it’s okay to be exposed. People love you, accept you – but at school – being that spread open is scary. I spent a lot of time just shying away frome veryone, like, “Oh, plase, if anybody talks to me, I’m going to burst out crying.”<\/p>\n
I want to be on staff partly because of what it did for me<\/u> and partly because I would love to be a part of helping someone see how much God loves them, help them discover it.<\/p>\n
Kate was on such a spiritual high. She lifted me up!!!<\/p>\n
We had bowling today. [hahahahaha Back to life … back to reality …<\/i>]<\/p>\n
DW wasn’t in school. [which is really all that matters<\/i>]<\/p>\n
What an eventful morning. Life is, indeed, a study of contrasts. My God, I can’t believe what happened to us this morning. First of all, it was pouring freezing biting rain. Kate and I walked down to the alleys. J. and April were taking this Math placement test and weren’t in gym. It was really desolate and windy and we got soaked but we talked about our retreat the whole way – what affected us most, what was best – it was great. It’s great<\/u> to share it. But we got so cold and so wet – so when we got to the alleys, Mr. King asked some of the seniors who had driven down to drive us back. They said sure. Peachy. So we bowled.<\/p>\n
Then it was time to go so we followed this group of seniors out to Helen’s van. There was Helen, Lisa S., Latanya M., Richard B., one other girl, and Kate and I. Oh yeah, Mr. King also told them to give a ride to Peter and Jeff. So we all piled in the van. Kate and I sat in the back across from each other. Before we left, Richard turned around to us and said, “We trust that this will be kept a secret but we’re all adult upperclassmen, and we are gonna smoke a senior joint if it’s all right with you.” All the seniors burst out laughing, and Lisa started digging through her purse. Kate and I just sat there, faces expressionless. What were we supposed to do? Lisa lit the joint and they all passed it around. Helen blasted the radio and we started off.<\/p>\n
Soon the van really stunk. Diary – can you imagine what I felt like? Sort of alienated – just because of the circumstances – but it was more than that. It was the differences between the moment and the weekend. The music was so loud that Kate and I were quietly commenting on this to each other as we zoomed along.<\/p>\n
First of all, we didn’t go straight back to school. Helen drove around Wakefield for a while. Every time she took another long route, Kate and I would quickly glance at each other and then look away, because otherwise I would have burst out laughing. Kate’s face! We made a pretense of studying French but shrieks of laughter were bubbling inside me – all because – it was just so bizarre that – that they feel they need to do that – and I have no interest in it. I had spent the weekend praying, crying, hugging my friends, and now? We were zooming around in the back of the van with kids we didn’t know as everyone got high. Kate was saying later, “My life is so full right now …” In the van, she would glance at me and say, “This is unbelievable – the contrast.”<\/p>\n
They asked if we wanted some. I just shook my head. Richard shrugged and turned back. Kate just licked her lips, closed her eyes – I snorted, trying to bite back my laugh. As we zoomed through town, farther and farther away from school, Kate reached up to touch the little cross pinned to her sweater. She whispered, “Sheila” to get my attention, and I saw her hold it – and it was so weird – it was like I could suddenly feel Him there – or something<\/u> was there – holding my hand, guiding me – I could feel Him there<\/u> in that crazy smelly van filled with pot smoke. I saw her cross and said, “I wish I had one” and she smiled and said, “You don’t need one. You have one. Even here.”<\/p>\n
Helen drove crazily around at this breakneck speed and I just sat there, worried about missing my next class, quietly waiting for it to end. I started getting a headache.<\/p>\n
The whole experience was funny, in a way. We finally got back to school. When we got out of the van, Kate and I were like, “Did that just happen?”<\/p>\n
Diary, it wasn’t just another experience. It was weird<\/u> and confusing<\/u>. I felt so much<\/u> during the ride, and I felt as though we were in another time zone or time dimension or something. Maybe it felt even more strange because of the spiritual high – so the world looks different anyway. I also felt so close to Kate. We were bonded together. We were holding hands spiritually.<\/p>\n
See, the thing is I’m not saying the experience was so upsetting, etc. That world is so removed from mine. I’d even forgotten it existed, and I have so little need for that<\/u> – and for peer pressure – I’m removed from that too. When they asked me if I wanted some, I could have squirmed inside, felt stupid, and said, “Yes” because I was afraid they’d make fun of me. But it was like – No problem. I say No<\/u> if I don’t want to. If they give me shit about it then they deserve to be shot. [hahahahaha<\/i>]<\/p>\n
What a cheery way to start the day. Kate and I agreed not to tell anyone, but the whole day we both could not stop laughing at the image of the two of us bouncing around in the back of that van filled with pot-smoke – as we drove AWAY from school. It was hysterical. In French, Kate pointed out the 13th vocab word to me: “les drogues” (drugs) – and we both just laughed<\/u>.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t scared or worried – I passively took it all in, didn’t freak out – it was all just very weird. I can’t put my finger on what I was feeling because it was all so jumbled up. Very weird<\/u> character-building experience.<\/p>\n
You know what I was honestly seriously wondering? If DW had been there, and they had offered him a ride – how would he<\/u> have reacted? [This is, indeed, the most pertinent question that one needs to ask in such a situation. What Would DW Do? WWDWD.<\/i>] God, am I curious! I don’t think he would have smoked – but would he have? What would he have done? There are so many things about him I can’t even guess. The whole thing was strange enough without having him sprawled in the back of the van too. Just … what would he have been like? What would his thoughts have been?<\/p>\n
This is going to keep me awake!!! [Oh, please don’t sleep over this …<\/i>]<\/p>\n
So that was the beginning to a very mixed-up day. I think it is odd that this all happened today<\/u> of all days. I feel different<\/u> somehow. It’s subtle.<\/p>\n
Oh wait – one more thing before I go to sleep [thought you said you would lie awake wondering WWDWD?<\/i>] While I was after school for SK Pades, a boy called my house and asked for me<\/u>. [It is impossible to show the four underlines that I have under that sentence<\/i>] Siobhan answered it. She didn’t know where I was so she said I was at work. And he said he’d call me there. Now who could it have been? It must have been for Mum. But what if it wasn’t? The crucial phone call of my life<\/u>. It’s just a mystery. Why would he say he’d call me at work? What’s happening? False alarm, probably.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, when the phone rings for me, Mum’ll call me and whisper significantly, “It’s a male.” Involuntarily, I will feel so giddy that I want to throw up, and so excited I want to run away, and I’ll answer the phone: “Hello?” “Hey, Sheila – it’s Bobby – can I get a ride to rehearsal?”<\/p>\n
I fall in a faint on the floor.<\/p>\n
The story of my life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It makes perfect sense on my blog to go from the State Department in the Cold War era to Diary Friday. Sure it does. I came across this entry and … I had completely forgotten about this incident until now. … Continue reading