“So what do you want?”
\n“I want the whole package.”
\n“You want the whole package.”
\n“Yup.”
\n“Husband, kids, picket fence.”
\n“I don’t need the picket fence. I’m too urban.”
\n“But everything else?”
\n“Yup. But I have about two eggs left. I need to get cracking.”
\nLaughter. “You have two eggs left.”
\n“You think that’s funny?”
\n“Uhm, er, no. Not funny at all.”<\/p>\n
“I always wondered what Katherine Dunn looked like.”
\n“What do you mean?”
\n“I don’t know. I always wondered if she was a dwarf. Or an albino. She seemed to have such an understanding of what is done to those who have some sort of deformity. How they are treated.”
\n“True. But we do the same thing to celebrities – to the freakily beautiful people of this world. They’re treated like they are a sideshow in a cage.”
\n“That’s so true. Well, as YOU well know.”
\n“Fuck you.”<\/p>\n
“Dave Eggers is like Quentin Tarantino. He appropriates pop culture, comments on it. And he is REVILED for it.”
\n“I know. So true.”
\n“But at the same time – they are both so generous to talent. They encourage others, Tarantino resurrects people’s careers … Neither of them are selfish in their success.”
\n“I loved Eggers’ memoir.”
\n“How about his novel?”
\n“Hated it.”
\n“Yeah. Uh-huh. But still.”
\n“Totally.”
\n“Right?”
\n“Absolutely.”<\/p>\n
“I mean – the Method?<\/i> Who gives a shit about the Method anymore?”
\n“I’m of the ‘bang bang you’re dead’ school of acting myself.”<\/p>\n
“I had a fuck buddy for 11 years.”
\n“You had a fuck buddy for 11 years.”
\n“Yup.”
\n“That wasn’t a fuck buddy.”<\/p>\n
“It seems like every year there’s only room for one big book to get all the press.”
\n“Underworld, you mean?”
\n“Well, White Noise is one of my favorite novels.”
\n“White Noise is a wonderful book – but Underworld….”
\n“What about it?”
\n“Dude. Get an editor. Now. It’s 1,000 pages long. I finally read it …”
\n“Good?”
\n“The first 60 pages are spectacular. Writing doesn’t get any better.”
\n“Really.”
\n“Yup. But the rest of it? For God’s SAKE, WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THE CHESS TEACHER ON PAGE 800? I don’t.”<\/p>\n
“I had some issues with the ghetto bus.”
\n“No!!!!! What is going ON?”
\n“I wandered around on … East Boulevard?”
\n“Boulevard East? Oh for God’s sake. Why were you over there? What bus did you get on?”
\n“The ghetto bus.”
\n“No, it was the wrong ghetto bus.”
\n“It’s okay. I asked a cop for directions and he ended up driving me home. He was really nice.”
\n“Oh my God. That is horrible.”<\/p>\n
“So. What. Is the Baby Boomer, like, in his 80s now?”
\n“No. He’s not in his 80s. He’s in his 50s. Thank you very much.”<\/p>\n
“You just didn’t see yourself the way I saw you.”
\n“I didn’t, did I?”
\n“Nope.”<\/p>\n
“And within 5 minutes, I saw Tilda Swinton and Vincent Gallo walk by.”
\n“No way!”
\n“I NEVER see stars. And within 5 minutes … I saw–”
\n“I saw Vincent Gallo’s penis.”
\n“We all<\/i> saw Vincent Gallo’s penis.”<\/p>\n
“For some reason, there is a big libertarian streak in the whole magician community.”
\n“Yeah! I’ve noticed that. Why IS that?”<\/p>\n
“My cleavage is completely out of control. It’s only 10 am. I’m sorry. It’s so inappropriate.”
\n“It’s cool. So … boobs … wanna get outta here?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“So what do you want?” “I want the whole package.” “You want the whole package.” “Yup.” “Husband, kids, picket fence.” “I don’t need the picket fence. I’m too urban.” “But everything else?” “Yup. But I have about two eggs left. … Continue reading