A couple years ago, The Rock hosted Saturday Night Live. If I recall correctly, AC\/DC was the musical guest.<\/p>\n
I know a couple of the people in the cast of SNL in a rather peripheral way from Chicago. We all share very good friends, from the old days of improv comedy. I used to watch Tina Fey (now the head writer, and the fabulous chick who does the Weekend Update) perform improv, years ago, in a teeny raucous club in Wrigleyville, with all of my friends.<\/p>\n
Mitchell (a dear friend of mine) is very close to one of the cast members – and she got us tickets to the show.<\/p>\n
Mitchell and I did not sit in the regular audience. We were in the plush VIP room at the back of the theatre. This room has a glass window, tons of TV screens, and a table of drinks for all. It’s like being in the important-people boxes in baseball stadiums. So Mitchell and I were crammed in back there, having some cocktails, hanging out with the other VIPs, having a great time.<\/p>\n
The show was fun – and The Rock was actually quite good. Willing to laugh at himself, poke fun at his image, all that.<\/p>\n
Afterwards, we met up with our friend in the cavernous backstage hallway, and she took us down the street to the cast party.<\/p>\n
The SNL cast party is a rotating affair, held in a different venue every week. Fans somehow get wind of where the party will be, and line the block, waiting for the cast to arrive. It’s invitation-only, obviously. I got my first kind of red-carpet experience, as Mitchell and I walked with our friend, through the throngs, as she signed autographs, people yelled out to her, and frantically scanned OUR faces to see if we were important.<\/p>\n
As you can imagine, it was a riot. We had a blast.<\/p>\n
There was a huge dinner served. I can’t help it, but I have to name-drop. It’s not my fault. It’s just that they all were there.<\/p>\n
I talked with Molly Shannon for a bit. I LOVED her. She was very sweet, very neurotic, concerned that I was having a good time and felt welcome, and we also had a couple of friends in common.<\/p>\n
Colin Quinn’s manners were repulsive. Can’t stand that guy.<\/p>\n
I fell so in love with Will Ferrell that even though we also have friends in common I couldn’t say one word to him. I feared I would blurt out, “I LOVE YOU!” and make some huge embarrassing scene at the Saturday Night Live cast party.<\/p>\n
Lorne Michaels and all the big-wigs sat over at the important table, wining and dining their guest of the evening The Rock.<\/p>\n
I could have cared LESS about The Rock.<\/p>\n
I was too busy quivering in my stilettos about Will Ferrell. And taking Colin Quinn’s sleazy arm off my shoulders.<\/p>\n
Mitchell and I were two peas in a pod. We star-watched, but we also just had a blast with each other. It was great.<\/p>\n
Finally – Mitchell told me that he works with two 17-year-old kids, both of whom LOOOOOOOOOVE The Rock, and he had promised them that he would try to get The Rock’s autograph. However – in the scenario in which we now found ourselves – it was quite a daunting proposal. The Rock was sitting next to Lorne Freakin’ Michaels, eating shrimp, sipping a glass of wine … and it was clearly a crowd where everybody there (except for Mitchell and I) were famous. Asking for autographs was kind of not cool.<\/p>\n
So Mitchell somehow roped me into going over to the VIP table and asking for The Rock’s autograph.<\/p>\n
It took 20 minutes of convincing for me to agree to do this.<\/p>\n
Mitchell said, “It won’t work if I do it! It’ll be weird – cause I’m a guy – and he’ll feel weird about it … Just go over there and be all girlie, and flirty and he’ll LOVE it – he won’t mind giving you an autograph at all!”<\/p>\n
My natural temperament is the opposite of girlie and flirty. I am also (all evidence to the contrary) very shy. I resisted this with all my might.<\/p>\n
“No! I don’t want to! I’m too embarrassed!”<\/p>\n
(If it had been Ewan McGregor, I would have had no problem. But – to debase myself for The Rock???)<\/p>\n
Finally…. what the hell … Mitchell’s pleading got through. How could I disappoint those two 17 year old kids? How excited would they be??<\/p>\n
So. I basically decided to just not act like myself at ALL, in order to get through the experience unscathed. I put on a completely different personality, in order to deflect my embarrassment. (The beginning of a psychotic “Sybil” split, I realize). I could not go over there, and just be Sheila, because then I would ONLY be aware of my embarrassment, and my shyness, and my not wanting to intrude on his privacy. The man was having a nice dinner after a hard night’s work! And he was sitting next to Lorne Michaels! The only way I could survive would be to put on another personality, the kind of personality that doesn’t care about intruding on someone’s privacy, the kind of personality who is OBLIVIOUS to embarrassment.<\/p>\n
My personality-transformation occurred on my stroll over to The Rock’s table.<\/p>\n
All intellect and cerebral worrying disappeared during that walk. All shyness and capability of embarrassment was somehow stuffed into the background. My walk changed. It became a sultry un-worried stalk through the tables. I even adjusted my blouse so that the cleavage would be more apparent. And perhaps he might notice THAT as opposed to be annoyed that I was interrupting him at a VIP party.<\/p>\n
I told you. It’s embarrassing.<\/p>\n
I cannot defend myself. My behavior is indefensible. I know. But I’m just telling it to you like it happened.<\/p>\n
I whored myself for an autograph from The Rock<\/i>.<\/p>\n
It’s terrible.<\/p>\n
Stridently ignoring my own inner shriekingly shy personality, I sultrily leaned down next to him, giving him a flirty oblivious smile. He glanced at me blankly, like: “What the hell do you want?”<\/p>\n
I said, in a whispery giggly voice completely not my own: “Oh God, I’m so excited to meet you … I’m friends with some one in the cast…” (I hoped that that would convince him that the cleavage leaning in on him actually BELONGED at this party. I went on, needing to get it over with as quickly as possible) “You were SO GREAT tonight.” (I blush to report that I actually GUSHED. I GUSHED about The Rock’s performance.)<\/p>\n
He nodded, calmly. Like a dignified Scorpion king. “Thank you very much.”<\/p>\n
“My two young cousins promised me I would ask for your autograph. Would you mind???” (Yes, I spoke those exclamation marks.)<\/p>\n
He kind of didn’t want to give me the autograph – it made him uncomfortable in that setting – Lorne Michaels glanced up at me, like: “Who is this woman? Is she supposed to be in here?”<\/p>\n
But I remained oblivious (on the outside) to how much I was disturbing him – and it was that very oblivion which made him give in. If I had actually been acting like myself – well, first of all, I never would have gone over there at all. New Yorkers, in general, let celebrities have their privacy, because we see them all the time. And second of all, if I had been acting like myself, and had seen the look of discomfort on his face, I would have immediately said, “Oh, I’m sorry to disturb you – Never mind!!” But because I put on this “I am oblivious” act, he had no choice but to sign an autograph for me, just to get rid of me.<\/p>\n
Once he was done with me, I raced back to the table, gave the autograph to Mitchell (who had been watching the entire thing, just LAUGHING) – and writhed in embarrassment at the entire affair.<\/p>\n
We talked about it obsessively.<\/p>\n
“Oh God, Lorne Michaels had NO idea who I was … The guy SO did not want to give me the autograph!! … I re-arranged my CLEAVAGE to get an autograph from THE ROCK – HOW AWFUL!!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A couple years ago, The Rock hosted Saturday Night Live. If I recall correctly, AC\/DC was the musical guest. I know a couple of the people in the cast of SNL in a rather peripheral way from Chicago. We all … Continue reading