An entry from my sophomore year in high school. I read my prose, and I don’t know whether to laugh or burn up the pages. I am so dramatic<\/i>. Thank God I’ve calmed down in my old age. (Yeah, right.)<\/p>\n
Oh, and as always with these adolescent writings – I cannot help but interject snarky comments.<\/p>\n
It’s a self-protective measure.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Oh, I went to CCD today [Ed: I can’t remember what that stands for. I know that it means “Sunday school”. Beth<\/i>?], and after I walked over to church alone. It was really windy, and freezing, and I was 20 minutes early, so everything was still and the church parking lot was quiet.<\/p>\n
A.W., my former love [Ed: This is extremely dramatic language. We had huge crushes on each other in the 6th grade. That’s it. He was the one who gave me the “spitball valentine<\/a>” – Okay, onward<\/i>:], I still secretly adore him, with all my heart<\/u>, [Ed: Okay, Sheila. Got it<\/i>.] was sauntering along in front of me. Then he turned and called out to me. I ran up to him. It is so odd that I love JW so intensely [Ed: Who? I have no idea who “JW” is. So much for the intensity of my love<\/i>], but I can still feel my heart pound when AW talks to me. Anyway, we walked into church together. It was so funny – we talked about our service projects we have to do, and how neither of us had started ours. I love how he laughs. He’s got a lopsided grin. I also love that he <\/u>called out to me<\/u>. I still haven’t forgotten 6th grade, which I fondly call “The Andrew Year”. [Ed: Oh God, I am such a geek<\/i>.] I have liked AW for about 5 years now. Since we were kids. [Ed: Uhm, you still are a kid<\/i>.] I know I don’t have a chance with him now, though, because he’s so popular, and I’m not. 6th grade was a long time ago. But I still want him as a friend.<\/p>\n Oh, forgot to tell about this: THE PLAY THAT I WROTE FOR DRAMA WAS PICKED TO ENTER THE CONTEST! [Please stop screaming, Sheila<\/i>.] I can NOT believe it. I thought it was sappy. I still do. All the people do in it is cry and feel sorry for themselves. But it was picked anyway. I don’t really know what you get if you win, but I doubt I’ll win. I think it goes over the 30 minute time limit anyway. I mean, it’s 17 pages long!<\/p>\n My letter from Dee should arrive any day now. Oh, I love the feeling when I’ve made a new friend! [Ed: Dee ended up being a psycho. Maybe I’ll tell the sordid tale someday<\/i>.]<\/p>\n I am now deeply immersed in The Poseidon Adventure<\/u>. I honestly believe that if I had a form which asked “Favorite Author”, Paul Gallico would be mine. [Ed: Wow, I had completely forgotten how obsessed I was with Gallico<\/i>.] Some of his writing is grotesque, scary, morbid, and this particular book of his is a test of courage of a bunch of unlikely people tossed together in a life-and-death situation. It actually is a test of my own courage to read it. I believe that Paul Gallico wrote this book for a purpose: to get the reader thinking: Oh God, could I survive such a thing? Would I stay sane? What would I do? Would I be one of the generous ones, helping others? Or would I turn into one of the selfish ones, only wanting to save myself? At times, reading it, I feel depressed and ashamed of my weakness and my flimsy personality, because I know that I could not endure what those people went through without committing suicide or something. But I do<\/u> know, that I would feel hope<\/u> as well, and not just see darkness, death, and destruction around me, but also see the end of the nightmare and see to the time when we were saved. If I let my hope go, then I really would die. Somehow, I feel, after a lot of serious thought on this, and on myself, that instead of thinking, “Oh God, the end of me is near,” I would be thinking, “I can’t wait until I get out of here.” I don’t know how I know this, but I have always been optimistic. I think that it is about my favorite trait of mine. And I admit, there aren’t many likable traits. I am selfish, mean sometimes, I fume and rage, and I never tell anyone what’s wrong, but in the end I can always see the sun, or the joke. Like, if I find myself in a miserable, awful, embarrassing, frustrating, totally disagreeable situation, I just keep thinking: “I WILL LIVE THROUGH THIS. I WILL NOT DIE”. And it honestly helps. So does thinking about Anne Frank and how she said, “I still believe people are good in their hearts.”<\/p>\n I am my own psychiatrist. Although I am miserable now, and I feel terrible, the sun will come up tomorrow, and life will go on, and I will feel love and happiness and success. I think this is really what keeps me going, what boosts me up, even when I feel like giving up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" An entry from my sophomore year in high school. I read my prose, and I don’t know whether to laugh or burn up the pages. I am so dramatic. Thank God I’ve calmed down in my old age. (Yeah, right.) … Continue reading