As a senior in college, I lived in a house off-campus – which, at first, seemed like an awesome deal. It was a big breezy old stone house with a bazillion rooms and a huge yard. I slept in a converted porch off the side. I had about 10 roommates, no lie, the house was so big. Beth’s boyfriend at the time (and now husband) was one of my roommates. Beth just told me this last weekend that the house was condemned, and it was a huge scandal. Again, it was full of college students – but things had gotten pretty out of hand, with the parties, and the noise. When the police came to inspect – they found all the boys who lived there out in the backyard playing “naked whiffle ball”. (hahahahahahaha) Inside – was a filthy pit of hell. Huge scandal. Boys with pictures in paper.<\/p>\n
I went to college in the Paleozoic Era and even then that house was known as a “party house”. The infamous Halloween party where Beth became an angry clown<\/a> was held there. We had parties where it felt like not only the entire college showed up – but the entire surrounding town!<\/p>\n The situation, though, ended up getting so out of hand – that I moved out after one semester.<\/p>\n Some of the issues were (and Beth and I were laughing about this this weekend, just reminiscing about that crazy house):<\/p>\n — we became a kind of halfway house for every runaway in that town. I would come home after school and find 10 grubby kids wearing flowy skirts and wool caps sitting in my living room.<\/p>\n — A guy named Vince lived in the attic. He had anger management issues and used to punch holes in the wall.<\/p>\n — Michael – the guy who had his name on the lease – lived in a massive suite with French doors – and as I remember it, he had a working fireplace, and a silver tea service, and lovely curtains and knick knacks … He rarely came out of his room. Why would he? It was like Versailles up there.<\/p>\n — Kerry was a lovely girl, who did Tarot readings all over the house – yet the problem was that she was only 17, and so she was the gateway to the Runaway Contingency. The runaways basically took over that house.<\/p>\n — There was an unspayed cat who had a litter of babies in the ashy fireplace. The kittens roamed the house. They were EVERYWHERE.<\/p>\n — Vince and his girlfriend had screaming punching matches on the front doorstep. Alcohol was involved. I heard the screams once and opened the door just in time to see him punch her in the face. Good times!<\/p>\n — Tom (Beth’s boyfriend\/now-husband) got so sick of people stealing his food from the refrigerator downstairs that he bought a mini-fridge, put it in his room, and always kept the door locked. This was seen as a massive betrayal by the throngs of people throughout the house. LIke: “who does he think he is???” Uhm, he thinks he’s a person who wants to NOT have his food stolen!<\/p>\n — Janine had an iguana that got loose in the basement one infamous day.<\/p>\n — The kitchen became so disgusting that I avoided it at all costs. I never ate there – it was too gross – it was like Grey Gardens in there – and the dishes literally piled up in the sink and on the counters. To even get a fork to eat your leftovers was a half-hour long ordeal. Since I never ate there, and it wasn’t MY mess, I was like: no fucking WAY am I picking up after the 26 runaways camping out in the living room. My boyfriend and I would literally dash through the kitchen, not looking around, avoiding it completely.<\/p>\n — Since the house was stone, it was damp, and moldy. But let me just say, too – it is an awesome house – it could have been so great! Huge rooms, fireplaces, etc. My room was FREEZING though. FREEZING.<\/p>\n — I would knock furtively on Tom’s door, where he hid from the chaos … and he would let me in. Beth was usually there. So we would hang out in Tom’s room, a quiet space of sanity – with its own food supply. We would lock the door, too. Nope. YOU CAN’T COME IN.<\/p>\n — We had to have a big roommate meeting to deal with Vince’s anger issues and the holes in the wall. I remember Beth taking the lead, even though she didn’t even live at the house. Beth was like, “Dude, there are like 10 holes in the wall in your attic enclave. YOU are paying for those. WE will not. YOU’RE the one with anger management issues.”<\/p>\n — I finally couldn’t take it anymore – and I found another situation in a great big house – with only 2 roommates – one of whom I already knew. I approached Michael in his drafty Versailles enclave, with the silver tea service glimmering on the immaculate white linen tablecloth – such a contrast to the kitten-infested MANIA just down the stairs … and told him, “I’m outta here, bro. Find somebody to take my room.” My boyfriend and I packed up my room – and I remember it was pouring rain, torrential downpour … and it had the feeling of a midnight getaway. Like: go go go go go … before the runaways steal more of your food … before another kitten is born on your comforter … before Vince punches another hole in the wall … RUN!!!!<\/p>\n I have never forgotten that house, though. It was quite an experience living there.<\/p>\n And I guess its reputation has not changed. I drove by there this past weekend – and there’s a big orange sticker on the front door – which basically says: THIS HOUSE IS TOTALLY MESSED UP IN EVERY WAY. LOSERS AND MANIACS LIVE HERE. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As a senior in college, I lived in a house off-campus – which, at first, seemed like an awesome deal. It was a big breezy old stone house with a bazillion rooms and a huge yard. I slept in a … Continue reading