{"id":7771,"date":"2008-02-14T16:20:16","date_gmt":"2008-02-14T21:20:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=7771"},"modified":"2024-10-27T18:04:03","modified_gmt":"2024-10-27T22:04:03","slug":"valentines-day-plan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=7771","title":{"rendered":"Valentine’s Day plan"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have no self-consciousness about being single. None. ZERO. I have SADNESS about being single (“sadness” is a tepid word for what I actually feel), but sadness is an entirely different thing. I have NO shame <\/em>about it (and hey, maybe I should, but whatevs – I’ve got enough shame about all kinds of other things, no need to pile it on).<\/p>\n

So what this all means is: I have NO problem going to movies by myself (I actually love it – do it a couple times a week, in a good week) – I go out to dinner by myself all the time – and just sit there and read. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I have a couple pubs where I go to unwind – and in typical Irish fashion – have a pint, and read. And am left alone. It’s important to find that kind of joint. Lots of people feel self-conscious about doing these “couples-ish” activities alone, and I get that – I get that people feel that way – but I have ZERO self-consciousness about it. It’s just something I’m past, or over. Maybe it’s because of where I live? Where it’s basically a CROWD scene at every moment … it’s easy to get lost here, to truly feel invisible.<\/p>\n

Like I said, it makes me SAD sometimes – but I honestly try not to think about it anymore, because life is too short, and I love going to the movies by myself (and actually, if I did have a boyfriend – I would probably STILL go to the movies, on occasion, by myself – it’s just something I love) … and I love love love sitting in a quiet corner in a pub, reading my book, and just hanging out with myself. Maybe people look at me pityingly. It’s highly possible. Or maybe they look at me with wonderment, like: “I could NEVER just sit there by myself … I’d be too self-conscious!” (And that’s what I hear a lot of people saying who are unhappy with the holiday – they are angry at how they THINK that they – a single freak – will look to others). Here’s my view on that: I don’t let strangers rent space in my brain. Especially not hostile strangers. Judge-y strangers. I have enough of that head-trip going on all by myself. As David said to me a couple weeks ago, “Sheila, you are lethal<\/i> company to yourself when things get rough.” Lethal is right. No need to let lethal people into my life, since I have the most to fear from myself. My friends, my family, boyfriends from my past who stay in touch with me, and who still love me … THEY are the people who get to hang out in my brain. And tell me stuff. And whisper things in my ear. And murmur encouragement. Or give me tough love. They are welcome. But strangers? The media? Afternoon talk-shows? Women’s magazines? Nope. You guys do not get to hang out in my brain.<\/p>\n

To the “I would feel self-conscious going out to dinner by myself” crowd – I want to say that I do feel your pain. I have been there myself. But I urge you: just give it a try! If you feel you want it! Enjoy your own company! Have a date with yourself. I know it sounds so corny, but it’s true. If I have a week where I’m going out every night (and it rarely happens – but let’s say I do) – I end up feeling very “off” … and pretty much hole up alone for the entire weekend in a cocoon of glorious solitude. It’s not that I WANT alone-time, it is that I have now come to count on it for my equilibrium. It’s a priority to me to work it in.<\/p>\n

You know how there are people who say, “I wish I had more time to read!” (Huge pet peeve of mine, but whatevs, I’ll let it go.) What you need to get is that I MAKE time to read. It’s like exercise. The people who say “I wish I had more time …” or “I would exercise if I had more time …” are missing the point. You MAKE the time if you really have it as a priority. And if you can’t? Then you need to let it go. Don’t blame it on not having enough time. I know plenty of mothers with young babies who MAKE time to read because it is a priority for them. (A friend of mine said to me, a couple of weeks after the birth of her baby, “So, I can only read short stories now! No more novels! The story must fit in during a nap-time …” which just made me laugh. Good solution – if you NEED to read.) They don’t feel like themselves <\/em>if they are not reading. Perhaps with an infant they read 2 pages <\/em>a week, as opposed to 2 chapters <\/em>– but they READ. Same with exercise.<\/p>\n

A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with a pretty terrible illness last year. She is a busy woman, with a job, a husband, two kids. Her life is go-go-go-go. Now I don’t want to speak for her … but I do know that with the diagnosis she had to make time to decompress. And lie on the couch. It HAD to happen. Even though dinner needed to be made, the kids lunches packed, etc. It hadn’t ever been a priority before – basically because she was busy and shit needs to get done. Laundry, gardening, bills, everything! I know she struggles with just coming home from work and lying down on the couch for an hour … she yearns to get up and bustle about. But that time (and I’m sure there’s some give and take with it, times when she really MUST work thru it, and get an important task done) has to be factored in now. For her health. Other things had to get shuffled aside – because no, you cannot do it all. It is up to YOU, the individual, to figure out: okay. What is essential for my well-being (physical and mental) – and what is not? It’s SO hard to prioritize sometimes! It takes some soul-grappling.<\/p>\n

So I get annoyed with the “I would if I only had more time …” excuse – about anything. It reminds me of Stephen King saying, “Bad writers are the ones who don’t write. Period” How many times have I heard people say, “I have a novel in me – if I just had the time …” What a fucking insult to those of us who actually do sit down and churn out pages every goddamn day<\/i> in the hopes that we will get a break, get it published, get a foothold. I DON’T have the time, often. I wake up at 5 in the morning sometimes because if I don’t get in my pages for the day, I feel “off”. And then there’s the exercise. How do I get that in? I have been really REALLY struggling with that over the last couple of months, and I just can’t seem to make it work. But I need to figure out something, and it has to be a plan of some kind … something structured<\/i> because I, for one, need a plan. At least in that area. I don’t need a pre-planned structure to sit down and write every day. I write when I have the flu, I write when my heart is broken, I have kept writing, even over the last couple of months when I have been dealing with serious illness, and loss, and all kinds of heavy shit. I sit down and write because I MUST. I become mentally unbalanced if I don’t, and I am not exaggerating. But exercise – I need to have a calendar, and put it in the calendar a week ahead of time … so that that time is blocked out (and etc. etc.) I guess I’d say (not that anyone asked, but again, whatevs) if you hear yourself saying “I wish I had more time .. then I would do such and such …” Just take a look at that. Take a look at how you might be victimizing yourself<\/i>. Let yourself off the hook about your schedule. Don’t pile it on<\/i>. If something isn’t a priority, it’s not a priority – so do your best not to feel guilty. Don’t put yourself through a head-trip because you can only read 2 pages in a day, as opposed to your usual speed. Don’t victimize yourself by TIME. It’s so so easy to do … the time ticking away in each day is louder in my ears with every moment … but I am really really working on this now. It’s a priority. And my quality of life has gone up – even though my circumstances have remained the same (and actually, in some cases, gotten much much worse.)<\/p>\n

So. What does all of this have to do with Valentine’s Day?<\/p>\n

I guess I don’t have self-consciousness about being single today. The onslaught of publicity is … whatever, it’s annoying (when you watch the news and you see a little blinking heart over today’s date in the weather report – you know, that’s a bit much) … but I don’t know. Life’s too short. I will NOT be victimized by Hallmark.<\/p>\n

I am alREADY sad that I don’t have a mate. But I don’t feel embarrassed <\/em>or anything about walking around alone today.<\/p>\n

So. Here’s ye olde planne. I got home at 2 a.m. last night so I can’t wait to get home and crawl into pjs. But the plan is:<\/p>\n

1. Read a couple chapters of Post Captain<\/i>, by Patrick O’Brien. <\/strong> Having a BLAST with the second volume in the series. I mean, Jack Aubrey being smuggled through Spain in a bear suit? And Maturin’s love affair with the awesome<\/i> Diane Villiers? (Oh, and don’t tell me what happens!!) The possible love-triangle … Stephen’s a spy … and Jack doesn’t know it … So far, most of this book has taken place on land, and Jack Aubrey is on the run from creditors, who basically want to arrest him. Anyway. Wonderful. Absorbing. TOTAL page-turner. With a “jewel” on every page (like I wrote about before<\/a>).<\/p>\n

2. Dan<\/a>!! DBW! Just got word that The Cowboys<\/i> is waiting for me at home<\/strong>. I can’t WAIT to see it. Had to bump it up to the top of the queue. And it arrived. Ahhhh, very excited for a little John Wayne fest tonight.<\/p>\n

3. Go on a moisturizing FRENZY.<\/strong> It’s been cold this week, colder than any other week we’ve had thus far – and my skin feels scaly and dry. I am obsessed with skin care. Seriously. It’s a daily ritual – but today I need to go the extra mile. I look forward to breaking out all the products. The elbow-cream is different from the foot-cream is different from the neck-cream is different from the “quenching” cream. Ahhh. My skin feels thirsty just thinking about it.<\/p>\n

4. Pass out by 10:30. <\/strong>Maybe spend a bit of time with Hitachi. Whatever. Have a glass of wine. Chill out. Curtains closed.<\/p>\n

Nice.<\/p>\n

So yeah. I’m sad. I’m lonely. It aches. (Please please resist giving me advice or a pep talk. If you’re my friend in real life, and you KNOW me, then I welcome it – … but I’m not looking for a pep talk in the comments section. That WILL make me feel self-conscious! My interest on my blog is, first and foremost, expressing myself<\/i>. Please read me in that manner, if you possibly can!)<\/p>\n

Sadness, yes. Aching? Yes.<\/p>\n

But I’m not at all self-conscious or embarrassed that that is my plan for the night. It looks kinda nice, actually.<\/p>\n


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I have no self-consciousness about being single. None. ZERO. I have SADNESS about being single (“sadness” is a tepid word for what I actually feel), but sadness is an entirely different thing. I have NO shame about it (and hey, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[90],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7771"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7771"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7771\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":181546,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7771\/revisions\/181546"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}