In the comments section to one of my many posts on Dean Stockwell, a great conversation came up about fantasy, and what fantasies can provide us in real life. And how if you judge the side of yourself that yearns for a fantasy life, or if you think that that’s just “kids stuff” – you can miss so much. What I have learned is that often – a crush like that – comes up as a harbinger of other things in my life. It’s a message … from my subconscious (which I normally try to ignore) … telling me: “Something’s going on. You need to pay attention.” And then – like with my Ralph Macchio crush (post about it here<\/a>) … it seems to exist solely as a kind of emotional armor. Something that I can hang onto when the going gets tough … and it helps keep the best part of me alive. Because, you know, often the world – and other people – want to kill that part of you. They want to crush that which is soft and open and hopeful – because it implicates them. Hope is suspect in many circles. It’s seen as threatening and it either produces a rolling-eyed response of condescension, or a calculated effort to smash that hope. I experienced it in junior high and I experience it now as an adult.<\/p>\n I said in the comments to one of my Stockwell posts:<\/p>\n I think that reality is all well and good – you know, I have to deal with it every day … but I thank God that even in my adulthood I have carved out that space of fantasy for myself – still. Very much like that one stupid episode in Eight is Enough years and years ago – my “fantasies” about some of these people have kept vital things in me alive … it’s almost like I was able to save things up, for when I would need them later. Life was a howling wilderness, all was cruel – but the dreams that came alive in me when I saw that stupid 8 is enough episode – helped save that bit of my soul, that I would need for later … It WASN’T killed. It survived.<\/p>\n I think the word I am looking for is “soft”. These things help keep me “soft” (and I mean that in the best way Not as in ‘weak’ but as in ‘open’). So much of life and reality seems designed to harden us. It’s such a temptation to get bitter. And those who pride themselves on being “realistic” are often just dickheads. I won’t go TOO much into my personal life – but 2007 has been a rough year for me. It’s been a struggle sometimes to just get thru the day. And Dean Stockwell, bless his heart, helped keep me ‘soft’ – and receptive – and open … still able to be hurt, and hope for things, and dream dreams.<\/p>\n I don’t expect to be understood by those who have not had such an experience, but that’s my experience.<\/p>\n I am happy to report that when I recently met Dean Stockwell, he totally lived up to my expectations. Even to the sexy little comment he made when my friend Stevie was fiddling with my camera – trying to take a picture of us – and Stockwell said to Stevie, “Push the button easy<\/em> …” and he had his arm around me, his cigar in his hand … and he’s saying something like “Push the button easy???” Have I died? Can someone kill me right now?<\/p>\n He was just as I had pictured. And that’s always awesome, too.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Here are some selected posts I have written about Dean Stockwell. Hope you enjoy.<\/p>\n The incredible length of his career<\/a><\/p>\n Three stories about Errol Flynn<\/a><\/p>\n Post about Stockwell as Tony “the Tiger” Russo in Married to the Mob<\/i> – the scene where he files his nails<\/a><\/p>\n Post about Blue Velvet<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n Post about Compulsion<\/i><\/a> – Mitchell and I watched it last night.<\/p>\n Stockwell in The Player<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n Stockwell in Compulsion<\/i> on Broadway<\/a><\/p>\n Stockwell in The Werewolf of Washington<\/i> – a camp favorite of mine<\/a><\/p>\n Stockwell in The Dunwich Horror<\/i><\/a> – I mean, come ON.<\/p>\n Stockwell taking a bow<\/a>. sniff, sniff.<\/p>\n So happy birthday, Mr. Stockwell. Glad I decided to re-discover you. Your work has meant more to me over this past year than I can even express.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Born on this day, in 1936. Here’s a big post I wrote about him for House Next Door. I go into his background and his development as an actor in that post – as well as point out 5 performances … Continue reading ![\"DSbday3.jpg\"](\"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/DSbday3.jpg\")
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