This great NY Times<\/i> article<\/a> by Campbell Robertson made me laugh out loud. Moose Murders<\/i>, a play that ran on Broadway for one night only (not counting 2 weeks of disastrous previews), garnered some of the worst reviews in recorded theatrical history – they’re even worse than the reviews for, oh, Waterworld<\/i> … … and the show has now passed into theatre mythology. It was the biggest flop ever – not so much monetarily but because of the vitriol it spawned. People wonder: “Was it really that bad??” Since no one saw it but that first night audience, who can tell? It’s now just part of the oral history of Broadway. Anyway, it’s a wonderful article – where they track down the original players, and talk about what, exactly, it was that went so wrong.<\/p>\n From now on, there will always be two groups of theatergoers in this world: those who have seen ”Moose Murders,” and those who have not. Those of us who have witnessed the play that opened at the Eugene O’Neill Theater last night will undoubtedly hold periodic reunions, in the noble tradition of survivors of the Titanic. Tears and booze will flow in equal measure, and there will be a prize awarded to the bearer of the most outstanding antlers. As for those theatergoers who miss ”Moose Murders” – well, they just don’t rate. A visit to ”Moose Murders” is what will separate the connoisseurs of Broadway disaster from mere dilettantes for many moons to come.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Holy crap! Even THEN people seemed to know that they had witnessed something historic! There are lots of flops, sure, but only a precious few become historic flops. I got one word for you. Ishtar<\/i>. Or no, how ’bout two words. Heaven’s Gate<\/i>. I know it probably wasn’t funny at ALL to be in such a play – but still, some of Rich’s language here is hilarious:<\/p>\n This loathsome trio is quickly joined by a whole crowd of unappetizing clowns. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n Wow.<\/p>\n Frank Rich wrote another piece<\/a> about Moose Murders<\/i>, with a bit more distance (oh, say, a MONTH) – it’s a rumination on the “particular pleasure” of seeing “a legendary flop”. Only a month had passed since Moose Murders<\/i> had closed and it had already passed into legend. Now that is a bad show.<\/p>\n Rich writes:<\/p>\n What makes certain bombs into legends? It’s hard to say, precisely – they don’t wear fur coats. Once it was a mark of distinction for a play to close in one night, but in these troubled times even that phenomenon is a sad commonplace. Some theater people define legendary bombs by the amount of money that went down the drain, or the high caliber of talent expended, or the extravagant foolhardiness of the esthetic mission. Others let Joe Allen, the theater district bistro, be the final arbiter: that restaurant has a whole wall bedecked with posters from a select group of famous turkeys. Whatever the definition, it can’t be quantified – a flop just must have a certain je ne sais quoi to rise to legendary status. But what I do know is this: the only Playbill I’ve saved thus far in this decade is the one from ”Moose Murders.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n But now, with over 20 years having gone by, the stories of Moose Murders<\/i> have grown and it has now become a badge of honor to have been in the damn things. Which I think is so hysterical as well. Campbell Robertson writes:<\/p>\n The reviews, which were not helped by the man reeking of vomit who sat in the third row during a press preview, made the 14 performances of \u00e2\u0080\u009cMoose Murders\u00e2\u0080\u009d legendary in theater history. Cast members trumpet their involvement in Playbill biographies. The number of people who claim to have seen the show, at the Eugene O\u00e2\u0080\u0099Neill Theater, seems to have multiplied beyond physical possibility, like those who claim to have seen the Beatles at Shea Stadium or Game 5 of the 1956 World Series.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Reading the kind of grimly humorous present-day comments from everyone involved – what a delight. Arthur Bicknell, who wrote Moose Murders<\/i>, was asked if the play was really that bad! He replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cWas it really that bad? The simple answer is yes.\u00e2\u0080\u009d One critic at the time suggested that Bicknell change his name, that was the only way he would survive such a disaster.<\/p>\n Holland Taylor had replaced Eve Arden after a preview – because Eve Arden had basically said, “Fuck this, I’m outta here.” Holland Taylor was reached for comment for the present article and she said that stepping into that nightmare was quite an experience.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u0080\u009cThere were things that I put my foot down about and changed,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said in a telephone interview. \u00e2\u0080\u009cBut there were things I couldn\u00e2\u0080\u0099t change. Like the play.\u00e2\u0080\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I love her.<\/p>\n Taylor said that the play was \u00e2\u0080\u009ca misshapen thing at an almost Shakespearean level” (I’m laughing out loud) – but that it also taught her a lot. You always learn more from the bombs than from the successes.<\/p>\n Dammit.<\/p>\n I so wish I had been there.<\/p>\n Great article (read the whole thing<\/a>). Kudos to the writer for getting such great quotes from everyone, and kudos to all the original players who were so forthright in their memories about such a colossal bomb.<\/p>\n UPDATE<\/B>: Just found another eyewitness account<\/a>.<\/p>\n So when people ask me if I saw Moose Murders, I have to answer: “Yes and no.” For I lasted–I mean this–11 minutes, still the shortest time I’ve ever spent at a show. Had I known the play would become infamous and not just another quick closer, I might have stayed on. But I’d been on a business trip, had schlepped my luggage to the theater, was sweaty and hungry and not in the mood to have my intelligence insulted any more than it had to be. So I missed the second-act scene that I heard about later, where the quadriplegic magically bolted from his wheelchair and kicked a moose-suited man below the belt. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n And June Gable, who was in the show, is quoted as saying:<\/p>\n “You know, thank God, I have very little memory of the show. It was an outrageous experience and it was one reason why I left the business shortly afterwards. I actually went to India and spent a year there searching for the meaning of life.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This great NY Times article by Campbell Robertson made me laugh out loud. Moose Murders, a play that ran on Broadway for one night only (not counting 2 weeks of disastrous previews), garnered some of the worst reviews in recorded … Continue reading
\nI mean, listen to the opening lines of Frank Rich’s original review<\/a> in 1983:<\/p>\n