Someone helped me yesterday. He barged into my issues, my insecurities, my waffling, spoke the truth, in no uncertain terms, and cleared a bunch of stuff away so that I could see the path. I obviously needed it, because I can get bolluxed up, all by myself in my own head. And he said it in a way that didn’t belittle me, but made me go: “Oh. It’s all very obvious. Here is what I need to do. Of course. Of course this is what I need to do. I am terrified, but I will do it anyway.” The best part of it was that I knew it all along. Just needed the push. I feel I must mention that other friends have pushed me, too, in this respect. Friends and family members. Pretty much everyone. “Sheila, don’t be an idiot. Do it.” I can be stubborn in my neuroses. It’s where I am comfortable. I cling to them. Not a pretty admission, but the truth. This is what happens when you are alone too much, and you do your best to, you know, stay honest and in the game … but certain things start to seem inarguable<\/i>. You start to believe that “this is the way things are.” But they aren’t. It’s just what you’ve become used to.<\/p>\n
And that is what he said to me yesterday, akin to a slap across the face. It was not gentle. It did not concede ground. It did not give credence to my weaknesses, my insecurities. It acknowledged them, but it gave them no importance or room to breathe. No. No. This is what you do. Do it now.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, exhilaration, fear, panic, all of those great things … making me literally go weak in the knees.<\/p>\n
Took a fevered walk along the Hudson (gorgeous day yesterday), iPod blaring in my ears, and the first song that came on in the blessed Shuffle was “Get Up”, by Bleu.<\/p>\n
A moment of dovetailing. The universe. Flowing in. The words seeming to come from somewhere else, not just Bleu – but from “it”, the grand scheme out there, and also, perhaps, from myself. And from him.<\/p>\n
“Get Up” – by Bleu<\/p>\n
Where were you the other night?
\nWe coulda used you in the fight
\nOh, and everybody said to say “Hi”.
\nWe all were wonderin’ when you were gonna stop by.
\nOh, I know ya had a little bad luck
\nBut didn’t anybody tell you everyone does?<\/p>\n
Get up
\nYou’re just in a slump
\nGet up
\nYou’re stuck in a rut
\nGet up
\nBefore you lose touch
\nGet up<\/p>\n
Don’tcha think you’ve had enough?
\nYou gotta stop beatin’ yourself up
\nOh, I know how much you like to play rough
\nBut if ya don’t allow the scabs to heal, they scar up
\nDon’t you know I’ve heard it all before?
\nSo don’tcha leave your sad excuses outside my door<\/p>\n
Get up
\nYou’re just in a slump
\nGet up
\nYou’re stuck in a rut
\nGet up
\nBefore you lose touch
\nGet up<\/p>\n
Can’t you see no matter what I do
\nI just can’t seem to get my shit together without you<\/p>\n
Get up
\nYou’re just in a slump
\nGet up
\nYou’re stuck in a rut
\nGet up
\nBefore you lose touch
\nGet up<\/p>\n
\n(You can listen to it here<\/a>). It is best played really loud, and it is best played as you walk through a blazing spring day, the white caps on the Hudson to your right, with long-dormant plans and schemes and hopes surging through your whole damn body.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Someone helped me yesterday. He barged into my issues, my insecurities, my waffling, spoke the truth, in no uncertain terms, and cleared a bunch of stuff away so that I could see the path. I obviously needed it, because I … Continue reading