“It’s a quasi-dystopian universe.”<\/p>\n
\n“The leader of the group then tried to hug him into submission and he shrank into a fat Mexican.”<\/p>\n
\n“Say goodbye to cousin Sheila, Seamus!”
\n“BREAK A LEG!”<\/p>\n
\n“My needs as a woman are simple and biological. I would like to have a penis on a regular basis and perhaps a child.”<\/p>\n
\n“Big Papi’s losin’ it.”<\/p>\n
\n“There’s a hegemony.”
\n“A what, Cash?”
\n“Everything is one.”
\n“Oh, Okay.”<\/p>\n
\n“Nobody holds hands anymore. And everyone has Brazilians. I just don’t fit in.”<\/p>\n
\n“You drove the Volvo yesterday, right?”
\n“The black one?”
\nLong pause full of scorn.<\/p>\n
\n“I’m at the point where I don’t want to know what anyone does. Like, don’t tell me you use anal beads on your wife, okay? I don’t want to hear it.”<\/p>\n
\n“You have to know it has taken an act of superhuman strength for me not to write about all of this.”
\n“Really?”
\n“Dude, are you kidding me? Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?”
\n“Really?”<\/p>\n
\n“Please tell me you’re not a tax accountant.”<\/p>\n
\n“Meanwhile you’re just pissed off that you don’t have a hickey.”<\/p>\n
\n“I really like Star Trek, but I don’t want to be a Trekkie. I am going to try really hard to not go down that path.”
\n“It’s okay, Cash. You have a family who loves you. We won’t let you.”<\/p>\n
\n“You literally cannot stump Seamus with Simon Says. It’s amazing.” (it really was.)<\/p>\n
\n“Julio Lugo is spending way too much time at his tango academy. We warned him<\/a> that this could be a problem.”<\/p>\n \n“No. We do not put stickers on each other’s private parts.” (this is akin to Jean Kerr’s dictum “please don’t eat the daisies”)<\/p>\n \n“Can you just drop me off at Pavilions?” \n“Hi, Uncle Sheila!”<\/p>\n \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “It’s a quasi-dystopian universe.” “The leader of the group then tried to hug him into submission and he shrank into a fat Mexican.” “Say goodbye to cousin Sheila, Seamus!” “BREAK A LEG!” “My needs as a woman are simple and … Continue reading
\n“What? No, we’ll wait and drive you home.”
\n“Oh, please, I know I’m so weird, but no, please just drop me off.”
\n“Uhm … okay …”
\n“I just want to stroll the aisles and get Chex Mix and Ginger Ale in peace.”
\n“Wow. Okay.”
\n“Please?”<\/p>\n