The Sheila Variations

Yes. And?

Dean Esmay has a phenomenal post about the philosophy of the blogroll. I love what he has to say. I also love his perspective on blogging in general: why we do what we do, what purpose the blogroll serves ...

90% of the bloggers I check in with if not daily, then at least a couple of times a week, have come to me because they appear on multiple blogrolls of bloggers I respect.

I have noticed something at a couple of the NYC Blogger Bashes I have attended. Everyone is so different, with diverse interests, diverse reasons to have a blog ... The writing impulse is different for everyone. But we all share one thing, and we share it in spades: a NEED to communicate. A NEED to express ourselves, and to be around other people who have that need. And what it all comes down to, it seems to me, is that bloggers, in general, all share the same beautiful 'quality' (not exactly the word I am looking for) of GENEROSITY.

The art of conversation is dying out. I meet people on a daily basis who do not know how to have an interesting conversation, who do not know how to keep things going, how to offer up themselves through the conversation without dominating everything in an egomaniacal way. Listing your resume and most recent activities is NOT A CONVERSATION, a lesson which 90% of all the actors on this planet have yet to learn.

"Hi there! Wow, it's been ages since I've seen you! How are you?"
Rattled off at you, like a train out of control: "Well, I just got new headshots … and I just got back from shooting a film in the Galapagos Islands … and my agent is trying to get me in to meet the people at WB … so keep your fingers crossed! I've also been performing with improv group every Thursday night, and it's been so much fun. I'm really taking some risks."

Jesus. This, in general, is how actors have conversations. There is nothing more tiresome. I asked you "How have you been…" Tell me something NEW.

When I meet someone who knows how to talk, and also knows how to listen, who knows how to make a conversation an EVENT, it is like being a dehydrated lost soul coming across an oasis in the desert.

Bloggers are good conversationalists. One of the things that makes a good conversationalist is not just that one knows how to TALK, but that one knows how to listen. To listen, and then to add something. To listen, and then to add.

The main rule in improv comedy is the rule of "Yes. And---?" What that means is: And let's stick with it, for the moment, in the context of improv comedy.

Good improv comedy goes like this. Two of the team members step out of the group to begin a scene. These people will set up the stage for whatever will occur next. One of the people says, let's say, "I'm really concerned about our marriage. I feel like we're growing apart." The other person responds: "Well, we've only been married a couple of hours. What the hell do you want from me?" Okay, so maybe that's not riotously amusing, but it is the "Yes. And—" rule in action. The "Yes" part of "Yes And" means that you accept whatever scenario is thrown at you by your team-mates. You never ever say No. And the "And" part of the "yes, and" means that you must ADD to whatever has been set up by the first person to speak. Every single line must propel the action forward. It's a great thing to remember, not just in improv, but in life.

Are you saying Yes? And are you adding to the conversation?

Here's a great real-life example of a "Yes, and", come from an improv show I saw years ago in Chicago. (Excellent "Yes, and" examples also have a way of sticking in your brain.) A team of improv-ers were up on stage. Nobody knows what is going to happen. One of the improv-ers, at the start, stepped out of the group, sat down in a chair, with a huge scowl on his face, and began to scribble a letter. Feverishly. One of his team members, a female, had stepped out with him, and was "dusting" the furniture around him, with a manic vacant look on her face. Somebody had to take the reins, and set up the relationship, set the scene. And whoever did so would be counting on their partner to say "Yes" to their idea, and then to add to it by saying "And---"

So scowling letter-writer began to narrate the letter he was writing: "Dear Mr. Lincoln, I am planning on assassinating you—"

Immediately, and I mean IMMEDIATELY, dusting woman in the back interjected, breezily, with a deep sigh, "Johnny, I'm bored!"

The audience went absolutely nuts. She was so quick, so sharp, so on top of things … She got where her partner was going, and she said"Yes, and" with no thought, no bumbling. She probably had started the scene thinking she might be a regular bored housewife, but in a matter of 2 seconds she became the bored wife of John Wilkes Booth.

And after she took that lightning-fast leap, there was nothing that the two of them did that didn't get a massive laugh.

Yes. And---?

So this way-long Saturday morning tangent is basically to say that: my favorite bloggers, my hero-bloggers, are people who have the concept of "Yes, And" down to a science.

Even if you disagree, by joining the fray, you are still saying "Yes". It's not about agreement. It's about adding to the conversation.

This is why I blog. And this is why I love my blogroll, and I don't mind that it's big, and I will keep adding names to it. I am forever grateful to the bloggers out there who have turned me on to other bloggers, through a democratic spirit of generosity, of sharing information, of being the kind of person who always has a good book to recommend, a new passion to share, an observation to make.

It is noisy, chaotic, loud sometimes … It is hard to figure out what voices to listen to. But that's part of the beauty of it, the value of it.

To me, the blog-world is one massive "Yes, And---?" And it has also given me tremendous hope for the staying power of the art of conversation.

Posted by sheila | TrackBack