I am curious as to why people FREAK OUT when faced with disagreement. I'm not talking about just having arguments over whether or not we agree on something, or debating points, or standing up for your point of view ... I am talking about people who become apoplectic in the face of disagreement.
Like: what world do they live in? I want to know. A world of constant agreement? They must be shutting out large swaths of reality in order to live like that. It seems to me that their personalities are highly under-developed or something. They have remained in the Terrible Two stage or something.
Fragile egos.
There are people who cannot BELIEVE it when you disagree with them. I'm not just talking about politics, although that is obviously on my mind. It's other things too. Like someone says, "Autumn is the best season" and you, unknowingly leap into the fray, saying, "My favorite is spring." They look at you like you have betrayed their dearest held core beliefs. They cannot believe you would DARE to contradict. (I'm thinking of a guy I met at a party a month or so ago. He was such a BORE because if you did not submit your will to his, even on the smallest little point - he would absolutely bully you into submission.)
Disagreement inevitably comes, and you can see their house of cards crumbling - You do not fit into their world view, or their view of themselves - because you disagree.
Disagreement is SHATTERING to these types. I find these people extremely boring.
I can't understand it, or where it comes from, this disbelief in disagreement. This low low tolerance for disagreement.
Boring indeed. And self-important, arrogant, intolerant....bleh. I can't stand people like that.
Posted by: Emily at April 9, 2004 12:21 PMThe herd instinct does seem to be alive and well in human culture. I have to admit I've never fully understood it.
I'm far more interested in who someone really is than in whatever political rhetoric they may espouse...
Posted by: MikeR at April 9, 2004 01:31 PMIt's the unwillingness to even LISTEN ... to even entertain the idea that they actually (horror) might have something to learn.
yawn.
Posted by: red at April 9, 2004 01:35 PMSheila,
Why, it's because they're RIGHT! And WHY can't anyone see this? WHY? Clearly their opponents are barbarous, ill-educated boors who could NEVER see the light of day if it stared them in the face ...
I don't know why people act like that. It is very collegiate. To me, part of the great thing about having a really good argument is that it is both an intellectual exercise and it is FUN. For instance -- my best friend, whom I have known for two decades, has social and political views which are diametrically opposite mine. Yet we can still argue for hours and laugh about it because we treat each other like adults.
If I had to venture a guess, I would think that such behavior has a lot to do with both pride and insecurity -- especially if it is an argument with an audience. No one likes to admit that one is wrong; and if people are insecure in other areas it may affect why they are debating. So at a party, for instance, Stone may not be arguing with Smith because he thinks he is right and Smith is wrong; he is arguing with Smith because he thinks Smith is a trustafarian moron with appallingly nice teeth, and who is getting awfully close to impressing the girl Stone had his eye on.
It is funny that you mention world views, though. Back when I was in school, I quickly adopted the line "Don't ruin my world view!" or a variant whenever I got really, really zinged in an argument. I still use it when I realize I've been out-manuevered. For me, it is a great way to both admit that A) I'm wrong and B) can't hope to recover from the rhetorical onslaught against me. Plus, I like to think it chills any tension that may have arisen during the heat of battle.
Of course, I fully admit I know how nice it is to live in an ideological bubble; but sadly, that is not real life. Besides, I have never seen anything bad with switching one's views if one believes another path is right. At least doing that is intellectually honest!
Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at April 9, 2004 02:07 PMWhat Ben said, plus this: many people choose to live in what amount to ideological bubbles. I would certainly find it boring myself, but to them I gather it provides some kind of comfort, i.e., the comfort of not having to think, not having to defend your views, even not having to believe that anyone COULD disagree with you for any reasons other than, at best, stupidity or, at worst, malice. After some time deliberately living and thinking that way as much as possible, disagreement is cognitive dissonance, and therefore frightening.
Posted by: Dave J at April 9, 2004 03:08 PMS O U L E S S A L I E N S
Posted by: Jim at April 9, 2004 04:51 PMWell, that might also explain things.
Posted by: Benjamin Kepple at April 9, 2004 05:32 PM"I'm thinking of a guy I met at a party a month or so ago. He was such a BORE because if you did not submit your will to his, even on the smallest little point - he would absolutely bully you into submission."
Ah! You've met my brother!
Many (too many) people are "like this" because they have Personality Disorders. Cluster B personality disorders. They're narcissistic, hystrionic, and borderline. Or just plain vanilla psychotic. But generally, the average Joe or Josey you meet who CANNOT BROOK disagreement is either borderline or narcissistic.
Yeah - they're a fun bunch.
Of course I can't take disagreement. dont you all understand, every view I take is the only possible correct one? You are clearly all intellectually stunted if you can not see the absolute brilliance of my point of view. How can I possibly continue discussing issues with people who are so clearly inferior.
(P.S. in case it wasn't obvious, the above is meant to be a joke)
Posted by: Ron at April 10, 2004 05:47 PMRon -
Yes, your humor shone through. I began to laugh at circa "don't you all understand". :)
Posted by: red at April 11, 2004 01:47 PM