I won't be seeing the film - but I have been scoping out all the reviews, bad reviews being one of my passions.
The incomparable James Berardinelli ends his review with this chilling indictment:
The film is critic-proof and it will find an audience, but it's hard to imagine even the film's target demographic (teenage boys) being overly enthusiastic about the product. It's disposable entertainment of the worst kind, and its first-weekend popularity will be a testimony to how low our standards of suitable movie-making have fallen. Alien Vs. Predator has no characters and no story. But it has name recognition, and, in today's market, that's often more important. Plus, it's rated PG-13 (although one can quibble with that - there's quite a bit of blood and gore to be found, making one wonder exactly where the dividing line between PG-13 and R is). Time will tell whether this is the last time the Aliens and Predators grace the screen, but, based on what's in evidence here, if they return again to tussle, I'll find something better to do with my time.
A movie with an Alien with a Capital A in it that is PG-13? Did the director even SEE the original series?? I still have nightmares about those creatures. It's made to be rated R.
And David Edelstein, of Slate, known for his laugh-out-loud-funny bad reviews says:
Twentieth Century Fox didn't dare screen Alien vs. Predator for us critics, so I dragged my alienated, predatory carcass to the one-minute-after-midnight Friday show at Union Square in Manhattan and found a rare seat in house full of muscled-up young men and a few surprisingly unembarrassed girlfriends.
Heh heh heh
Also:
"Go, Predator!" yelled someone when the Fox logo appeared. "Alien sucks!" cried another. This was a surprise: I didn't know that it was possible to pick sides.
And then there's this:
he's the only franchise director who fails to generate even a drop of empathy for screaming people who have aliens erupting from their chests.
Yeah, I'll definitely pass on this movie. But I will read all the reviews.
Posted by sheilaI'm a huge fan of both franchises, especially the first two Alien movies. I've enjoyed the Dark Horse comic series combining the two. I was excited when I first heard this movie was coming out.
Then I saw who was writing and directing.
I don't namecall very much. But Paul W.S. Anderson is one of the most inept directors out there, and is even less skilled as a writer. It aggravates me very much that he gets to make movies, and I don't.
He makes garbage.
And, remember, I _like_ crappy movies. I tend to like the good, or just the campy, in movies instead of disliking them across the board. But there is very little to like in any of his movies.
But he makes the worst kind of absolute mess. He gives science fiction a bad name. He makes overlong, condescending movies that are are equal parts (bad) style and self-love. He's part of why there have been few good science fiction movies over the past decade.
I may see Aliens vs. Predator eventually. Hell, I end up seeing a lot of stuff.
It just irritates me to have something I wanted so badly to be good, end up in the potty that is Paul W.S. Anderson.
(Apologies for the long comment...that spleen needed venting)
Posted by: BSTommy at August 15, 2004 04:34 PMOH, vent that spleen!!
I am a huge fan of the Alien series as well.
I look forward to hearing your response to this movie, if and when you see it.
Posted by: red at August 15, 2004 04:41 PMThe Alien movies were brilliant (allowing for the odd Wynona Ryder appearance or two).
Predator, however, had a role in inflicting four years of Jesse "The Body" Ventura on Minnesota.
If that were true of "Casablanca", I'd eschew Casablanca, too.
Well, maybe not Casablanca...
Posted by: mitch at August 15, 2004 05:00 PMTommy's right: this could actually have been done well, which makes the fact that it sounds like such abysmal dreck that much worse. The original Dark Horse graphic novel of the same name was excellent, and of course Alien and Aliens were great movies (Alien3 and Alien Resurrection considerably less so, but not terrible).
Posted by: Dave J at August 15, 2004 06:19 PMI disagree strongly, Dave. Alien Resurrection was so horrible that my friends and I wanted to drive to the Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority building to get the Men in Black to erase the last three hours of our lives.
I mean, come on...that Alien-thing at the end that looked like it wanted to cuddle with Ripley. And Winona Ryder's "acting"? Blech.
Posted by: Bill McCabe at August 15, 2004 09:54 PM"The little girl's handling this better than you."
"Put her in charge, man."
Game over.
I think with AVP I can finally get my money's worth in bad reviews. It's about $8.00 of payment to me, in reading the hilarious bad reviews. That's as close as I'm going to get to the movie factory paying me NOT to see their movie.
Posted by: Steve at August 16, 2004 12:02 AMLord help me. My son wants to see this. And it's his turn to pick the movie this time. I am doomed.
Posted by: michele at August 16, 2004 07:26 AMOK, Bill, maybe you're right. I only saw Alien Resurrection once and honestly don't remember much of it, so it could be that it WAS really awful and I've blocked out the traumatic memories. ;-)
Posted by: Dave J at August 16, 2004 09:15 AMThe best part of AVP is towards the end where unintentional comedy ensuses. Our heroine is the only one left and she makes friends with a Predator. It is hilarious.
Posted by: Schumin at August 16, 2004 11:15 AMIt didn't suck in my opinion.
True a LOT of disbelief had to be suspended. After all, the creatures from flicks that were undeniably R-rated turned into a Pg-13 thriller?
Yeah...lotta disbelief.
Think of it as a 'What if' comic. Not intended to tarnish the image of the originals, yet somehow...it does.
Posted by: Wutzizname at August 17, 2004 11:27 AM