Today in history: October 25, 1764

John Adams married Abigail Smith. They were married for 54 years. They were partners for 54 years. They moved from colonial Boston, spend most of the American Revolution apart (but they wrote letters – oh MAN did they write letters), they lived in Paris, in London, and also in the brand-new muddy swampy capital of Washington D.C. They retired to Quincy after Adams’ term as President.

In a funny way, we should be grateful that these two extraordinary individuals were forced to spend so much time apart – as wrenching as it was for the both of them. Because they left behind their letters … In the times when they lived in the same house, they obviously did not need to correspond. It’s selfish of me to say that, but there you have it. The sacrifices they made, in terms of being together, was – in terms of history – worth it, because of the unprecedented correspondence they left behind.

I’ve read their letters more times than I can count. Every time I go back to them, I find something new. They are amazing, and if you haven’t read them – all I can say is: find yourself a copy of The Book of Abigail and John and go to it. You won’t be sorry.

It is a marriage that just breathes off the written page. Adams was a warm, temperamental, emotional guy. He poured his heart out to his wife. There was true intimacy between them. He is revealed, in all his wounded vanity, his pettiness, and also his humor, his bawdiness. It is very unlike Thomas Jefferson who – although human, of course, hahaha – was much more reserved and formal in his correspondence. Jefferson wasn’t intimate with ANYONE the way Adams was intimate with his wife.

Again: we are lucky that we have these letters. How much we can learn from them!

Happy anniversary, John and Abigail!!

Excerpts from their letters below:

— “Is there no way for two friendly souls to converse together, although the bodies are 400 miles off. Yes, by letter. But I want a better communication. I want to hear you think, or to see your thoughts. The conclusion of your letter makes my heart throb more than a cannonade would. You bid me burn your letters. But I must forget you first.” — John Adams to Abigail

— Years subdue the ardor of passion but in lieu thereof friendship and affection deep-rooted subsists which defies the ravages of time, and whilst the vital flame exists. — Abigail to John, 1793

— Your letter is like laudanum. — John to Abigail

— You apologize for the length of your letters. They give me more entertainment than all the speeches I hear. There are more good thoughts, fine strokes, and mother wit in them than I hear in the whole week. — John to Abigail

— I am warm enough at night, but cannot sleep since I left you.” — John to Abigail

— “There must be, however, more employment for the press in favor of the government than there has been, or the sour, angry, peevish, fretful, lying paragraphs which assail it on every side will make an impression on many weak and ignorant people.” — John in a letter to Abigail

— “I am more and more convinced that man is a dangerous creature, and that power whether vested in many or few is grasping … The great fish swallow up the small and he who is most strenuous for the rights of the people, when vested with power, is as eager after the prerogatives of government. You tell me of degrees of perfection to which human nature is capable of arriving, and I believe it, but at the same time lament that our admiration should arise from the scarcity of the instances. — Abigail Adams, in a letter to John

— “You had prepared me to entertain a favorable opinion of him, but I thought the half was not told me. Dignity with ease and complacency, the gentleman and the soldier look agreeably blended in him. Modesty marks every line and feature of his face.” — Abigail to John – on first meeting George Washington in 1774

— The following is from the letter John wrote to Abigail on July 3, 1776 … after the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 2 – look at the window he provides posterity – look at how openly he expresses himself – THANK YOU, John Adams!!:

“The Delay of this Declaration to this Time, has many great Advantages attending it. – The Hopes of Reconciliation, which were fondly entertained by Multitudes of honest and well meaning tho weak and mistaken People, have been gradually and at last totally extinguished. – Time has been given for the whole People, maturely to consider the great Question of Independence and to ripen their Judgments, dissipate their Fears, and allure their Hopes, by discussing it in News Papers and Pamphletts, by debating it, in Assemblies, Conventions, Committees of Safety and Inspection, in town and County Meetings, as well as in private Conversations, so that the whole People in every Colony of the 13, have now adopted it, as their own Act. – This will cement the Union, and avoid those Heats, and perhaps Convulsions which might have been occasioned, by such a Declaration Six Months ago.

But the Day is past. The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. – I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfire and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.

You will think me transported with Enthusiasm, but I am not. I am well aware of the Toil, and Blood, and Treasure that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet, through all the Gloom, I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means, and that Posterity will triumph in that Day’s Transaction, even though We should not rue it, which I trust in God We shall not.”

— Here is a letter John wrote to Abigail on Sept. 30 1764 … a month before their marriage:

“Oh my dear Girl, I thank Heaven that another Fortnight will restore you to me — after so long a separation. My soul and Body have both been thrown into Disorder, by your Absence, and a Month of two more would make me the most insufferable Cynick in the World. I see nothing but Faults, Follies, Frailties and Defects in any Body, lately. People have lost all their good Properties or I my Justice or Discernment.

But you have always softened and warmed my Heart, shall restore my Benevolence as well as my Health and Tranquility of mind. You shall polish and refine my sentiments of Life and Manners, banish all the unsocial and ill natured Particles in my Composition, and form me to that happy Temper, that can reconcile a quick Discernment with a perfect Candour.”

What he describes here would always be true. He found equilibrium when he was with her. He was able to talk about his problems, hash stuff out, and temper some of his responses. When he was President – she remained back up in Quincy for some time until finally he begged her to come down to Washington. He needed her there. His colleagues and cabinet members also thought: Dammit, get Abigail down here, NOW – because he is LOSING it without her.

— Letter from Abigail to John – August 19, 1774 – John had left for Philadelphia for the First Continental Congress: “The great anxiety I feel for my Country, for you and for our family renders the day tedious, and the night unpleasant. The Rocks and quick Sands appear upon every Side. What course you can or will take is all wrapt in the Bosom of futurity. Uncertainty and expectation leave the mind great Scope. Did ever any Kingdom or State regain their Liberty, when once it was invaded without Blood shed? I cannot think of it without horror.

Yet we are told that all the Misfortunes of Sparta were occasiond by their too great Sollicitude for present tranquility, and by an excessive love of peace they neglected the means of making it sure and lasting. They ought to have reflected, says Polibius, that as there is nothing more desirable, or advantages than peace, when founded in justice and honour, so there is nothing more shameful and at the same time more pernicious when attained by bad measures, and purchased at the price of liberty…

I want so much to hear from you. I long impatiently to have you upon the Stage of action. The first of September or the month of September may be of as much importance to Great Britan as the Ides of March were to Ceaser.”

— John to Abigail: Hartford May 2d 1775 – on his way down to Philadelphia. Adams is hoping that the disaster growing in Boston will bind the colonies together. That’s eventually what happened, but at the time, he wasn’t sure if it were a done deal.: “It is Arrogance and Presumption in human Sagacity to pretend to penetrate far into the Designs of Heaven. The most perfect Reverence and Resignation becomes us. But, I can’t help depending upon this, that the present dreadfull Calamity of that beloved Town is intended to bind the Colonies together in more indissoluble Bands, and to animate their Exertions, at this great Crisis in the Affairs of Mankind. It has this Effect, in a most remarkable Degree, as far as I have yet seen or heard. It will plead, with all America, with more irresistible Perswasion, than Angells trumpet tongued.

In a Cause which interests the whole Globe, at a Time, when my Friends and Country are in such keen Distress, I am scarecely ever interrupted, in the least Degree, by Apprehensions for my Personal Safety. I am often concerned for you and our dear Babes…

In case of real Danger, of which you cannot fail to have previous Intimations, fly to the Woods with our Children.”

Incredible, inspiring – what these people went through – for us, essentially. Abigail even wrote, at one point, “I hope future generations appreciate the sacrifices we made …”

— Abigail to John June 16 1775 – Listen to her practicality in the last paragraph. Love her. : “We now expect our Sea coasts ravaged. Perhaps, the very next Letter I write will inform you that I am driven away from our yet quiet cottage. Necessity will oblige Gage to take some desperate steps. We are told for Truth that he is now Eight thousand strong. We live in continual expectation of allarms.

Courage I know we have in abundance, conduct I hope we shall not want, but powder — where shall we get a sufficient supply? I wish we may not fail there.”

— Abigail to John June 18 1775 – She writes to him the day after the Battle of Bunker Hill begins. She and John lost a dear friend in the Battle.

“The Day; perhaps the decisive Day is come on which the fate of America depends. My bursting Heart must find vent at my pen… Great is our Loss…
The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but the God of Israel is he that giveth strength and power unto his people. Trust in him at all times, ye people pour out your hearts before him. God is a refuge for us. — Charlstown is laid in ashes. The Battle began upon our intrenchments upon Bunkers Hill, a Saturday morning about 3 o’clock and has not ceased yet and tis now 3 o’clock Sabbeth afternoon…

I cannot compose myself to write any further at present.”

— John to Abigail July 7, 1775: “Your Description of the Distresses of the worthy Inhabitants of Boston, and the other Sea Port Towns, is enough to melt an Heart of Stone. Our Consolation must be this, my dear, that Cities may be rebuilt, and a People reduced to Poverty, may acquire fresh Property: But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty once lost is lost forever. When the People once surrender their share in the Legislature, and their Right of defending the Limitations upon the Government, and of resisting every Encroachment upon them, they can never regain it…

I am forever yours —”

— John to Abigail Oct. 19 1775: “When I shall come home I know not. We have so much to do, and it is so difficult to do it right, that We must learn Patience. Upon my Word I think, if ever I were to come here again, I must bring you with me. I could live here pleasantly if I had you, with me… What if We should? Let me please myself with the Thought however.”

— JOHN ADAMS, on being Vice President, in a letter to Abigail: “My country in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived.”

— Abigail Adams wrote the following to John – months before the Declaration of Independence was in existence: “A people may let a King fall, yet still remain a people, but if a King let his people slip from him, he is no longer a King. And as this is most certainly our case, why not proclaim to the world in decisive terms of our own importance.”

— Letter of John Adams, to Abigail: “It has been the will of Heaven that we should be thrown into existence at a period when the greatest philosophers and lawgivers of antiquity would have wished to live … a period when a coincidence of circumstances without example has afforded to thirteen colonies at once an opportunity of beginning government anew from the foundation and building as they choose. How few of the human race have ever had an opportunity of choosing a system of government for themselves and their children? How few have ever had anything more of choice in government than in climate?”