Awesome site: 40 things that only happen in the movies.
Here are some of my favorites:
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
The following one has ALWAYS BUGGED ME:
28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.
(via Dan … hang in there, Dan!!)
#41: If there is a pane of glass visible, then someone will be thrown through it before long.
#42: In the movies, couples out on a date either go to a cheap diner or to a fancy restaurant, and never have to wait 45 minutes for a table at Chili’s.
Oh yes, people – keep adding to the list. These are great.
# 43: Even if you look like Woody Allen or Paul Giamatti, a beautiful woman will want to sleep with you.
#44: It is possible to hack into the computer system of any alien spacecraft or weapon system using an ordinary laptop equipped with Bluetooth.
#45, corollary to #25: If you are at war in a foreign land, and you tell your friends how much you love your wife, she will leave you for a 4-F or Draft Dodger she works with.
Oooh! I love this list. It makes me laugh every time I read it. Can we expand this to include sitcoms? If so…
Every walk-in refrigerator or store room door has an automatic locking feature. Two of the main characters — usually enemies — will get trapped in it and then, with death looming, will come to some sort of understanding that will be conveniently forgotten by the next episode in order to maintain the humor and conflict.
Another one: No main character who ever served in the military during wartime was ever a clerk, cook, mechanic, technician or any of the other 80% of the military that doesn’t serve on the front lines. They were always right in the middle of the action.
Plus, the guy who saved your life in Vietnam or the Gulf will betray you. Accept it.
hahaha These are awesome.
22) forget the damage, the fact that there even is an internal gravity system.
30) This happens in real life if one lives downtown in a major city and their bedroom window faces a light saturated building as say, the NBC Tower. Well, ok it’s not so much blue as beige, but still.
34) Isn’t far off either. The onboard computer does all the work for the pilot as well.
New ones:
All spacecraft will bank when manuevering as though air was present even though such maneuvering would require extra energy (e.g. fuel). And then there’s the whole sound thing.
Any computer can be cold hacked within minutes.
Speaking of sci-fi, all hostile aliens will be descended from reptiles, insects or arachnids. Friendly aliens will either look like us or be furry.
#46: Even if you are unemployed or work in the low-paying service industry, you can still afford to live in a HUGE apartment in New York. Attention to improbable detail would include either a lucky rent-control explanation early on or signifying the surrounding bad neighborhood with the sound of sirens coming from the window over the fire escape and a loud couple arguing next door.
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
Bruce Lee movies wouldn’t be half as exciting if they all rushed him at once.
#47: Both the man and woman in a love story will have a best friend/confidante that is: slightly but noticeably less good looking, always available to join them at the gym or a coffee shop, and ready with a sympathetic ear or a shot of gung-ho encouragement. When in real life, none of your friends want to associate with you anymore and don’t answer your pathetic pleas for help when all you want is to TALK about this GIRL that I’m dating who I KNOW sleeps around but hey can’t I get a little bit of SUPPORT is that TOO MUCH TO ASK from my SUPPOSED BEST FRIENDS?!?!??
*pant pant pant*
48) Chinese food will be eaten exclusively with chopsticks. (Exception: My Favorite Year thoroughly destroyed that bunk).
Unless the Captain is going to be murdered in the first 15 minutes, no police officer is allowed to get along with him. Ever.
Furthermore, all rookie detectives are to be teamed with detectives nearing retirement.
Every single platoon that ever fought in WWII anywhere in the world contained, at least, one guy from Brooklyn and one guy from (pick one) Texas, Oklahoma, Alabama or Mississippi. Oh, and John Wayne commanded them all, hitch in his gitalong and all.
Oh, and another thing. No one in old movies EVER seems to drink booze over ice, even in America.
49: In any neighborhood, be it big-city or small-town, there will be no shortage of good ethnic restaurants or funky clothing stores for the female lead to shop in. No matter where the characters live, there will be good radio stations.
50: You almost never see anyone brushing their teeth, yet everyone has model-perfect smiles.*
(And by extension: none of the usual mundanities of life happen, unless they are needed to advance the plot).
(*I had a friend who taught at a small community college – let’s just say he had some rather SPECIAL students. No, not SPECIAL special, just plain dumb. But anyway, one day in class, a girl spoke up and said “Real life isn’t like the movies because in the movies no one ever brushes their teeth.” The bizarre thing about this exchange was that it happened in a biology class).
51: If an IED (improvised explosive device) needs to be manufactured, all the duct tape, ball-point-pen parts, and Fizzies necessary to make it will be immediately available. No one ever needs to run out to Wal-Mart to buy something to fend the aliens off with.
All men in movies are completely lame at anything having to do with babies, can’t change a diaper without lots of comical mishaps involving everything up to but not including dropping the baby.
All romantic leading men will try to cook a dinner for their woman but it’ll be burnt/undercooked or else completely horrible tasting.
Even in the shabbiest girl’s apartment there’s a hundred-dollar floral arrangement on the hall table.
Women’s apartments have pictures of flowers and friends; men’s apartments have sports equipment and stainless steel.
People in movies/TV always have rolling liquor carts in their homes. No one ever reaches into the cabinet or freezer for the Stoli or scotch. It’s always in a crystal decanter. And the ice bucket is always full and ready to serve.
Dinner on any given weeknight must consist of a salad, a glass pitcher of milk, a basket of bread/rolls, mashed potatoes, some sort of meat with gravy and cut green beans. Everyone eats at the same time. No one ever has to reheat anything in the microwave. And it’s totally okay for someone to load up his/her plate and either storm off or say, “I gotta jet and meet my friends” and leave their dinner uneaten. No one will lecture them about wasting food.
Every town must have a malt shop/drive-in where all the young people can congregate.
This reminds me of the Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics page.
My additions:
#52: The wiring in explosives are always color-coded according to international standards. Nobody ever thinks to change the scheme to throw off nosey do-gooder bomb squads.
#53: The first suspect is never guilty.
#54: When the other person hangs up the phone, you immediately get dial-tone.
#55: Good guys use Apple. Bad guys use PCs.
#56: Computer GUIs always feature some sort of flashy, noisy display which helpfully explains exactly what it is doing in any given moment.
#57: Seatbelts are for sissies.
No one ever thinks it is weird that people just leave their door wide open on sitcoms (member “Three’s Company”? Have they never heard of flies?? And no one locks their doors (because how could Kramer or Lenny and Squiggy barge in??)
Call that “Axel Foley’s Law.” Can you tell I just watched Beverly Hills Cop again? I love that movie. And yes, it IS completely ridiculous. I’m just reminded that what has to be at or near the top of the list of cinematic crimes against humanity that were thankfully averted has got to be “Beverly Hills Cop…starring Sylvester Stallone.”
Addendum to strip clubs in movies (and especially tv shows): none of them look even REMOTELY like a real one.
It’s also possible for someone to hide in the backseat of a car without the person getting into car noticing, when in real life this is impossible.
“Addendum to strip clubs in movies (and especially tv shows): none of them look even REMOTELY like a real one.”
I don’t know: that depends on which movies/TV shows and which real strip clubs you’re talking about.
Most strip clubs in the movies seem to imitate Scores – which is probably the most up-scale strip club I’ve ever been to. A beer is 11 dollars. The girls are like Broadway dancers. It’s filled with people like Jack Nicholson, and then huge crowds of Japanese businessmen. That place is a SCENE. But really really upscale.
All other strip clubs I’ve been to (and yes … I’ve been to many. Ah, the LIFE I’ve had!) range from pathetic, to mildly grubby, to downright skanky.
Oh, but then there is also that rarity:
the FRIENDLY strip club. I realize that, as a woman, my perspective is different, but I still think that a really friendly strip club, with the vibe of a neighborhood bar, is really rare.
the alan alda sensitivity project
Here’s a few lessons I gleaned from television during my impressionable youth and beyond. This is the first part in what might be a continuing series. Not sure yet though ’cause I have poor follow-through and limited interest in things after I start …