You Don’t Have To Be Broken For Me

Tuesday was Cary Grant’s birthday.

Two days later came this new column from the magnificent Sugar on The Rumpus (if you’re not looking forward to her advice columns with baited breath like the rest of us, you are missing out). Her writing is so kind, so intelligent. She is compassionate, and her outlook is unique. I mentioned her piece on Twitter, as a perfect counterpoint to all of the Cary Grant Birthday Love that had been floating around 2 days before. “Sugar”, also on Twitter, told me that it was a total coincidence and she had had no idea it was his birthday. Amazing! I totally thought it had been deliberate. But (as always) she tapped into something very powerful in her piece, something I certainly needed to hear. Something I always need to hear. I find her comforting. Her columns always brighten my day. And her voice! It’s hard to have an original voice, especially in an advice column. Dan Savage does it. Sars at Tomato Nation’s The Vine does it. And Sugar does it too. This column in particular knocked my socks off.

It is always good to remember that it is better to have compassion for people than scorn or contempt for their struggles. It’s always better to listen and absorb than combat every little sentence with nitpicks and arguments. And it is good to remember that Cary Grant’s persona came from years of work and dedication, that he CHOSE to be “that guy”, he chose a self-image that would set him free. How many people on this planet do the exact opposite?

Go read the whole thing, even if you are not lonely and lovelorn. It doesn’t hurt to have a reminder of how to treat those who are.

Thank you, Sugar.