The Proust Questionnaire

Any Vanity Fair reader will be familiar with the Proust questionnaire that always graces the back page of the mag. A celebrity, or famous figure – is sent the questions – and he or she responds. They’re always fun to read – because the questions are specific, some of them are rather odd – and when people answer in a spontaneous way, really interesting things can come up.

I am thinking about all of this because of Dame’s post about it. (Very interesting reading. Her blog, in general, is very good. Scroll around – I really like her stuff.) I decided to answer the questions for myself – not over-thinking it – and also, like she says in her post:

The principle is to answer each question without explanation and in whatever manner suits you – as your manner of response can tell as much about you as the answer itself. I think it makes an interesting exercize in self-examination. The more difficult task is this – to answer as honestly as possible with one’s self, not trying to adapt one’s answers to impress a potential reader.

There’s the rub. Giving myself that task made it a bit more difficult. I tried to just blank my brain, get into a really private subconscious mood, and answer as spontaneously as I could.

Also, yes. To answer without explanation.

It took some time. I could feel when I was trying to “come up” with an answer, and that was not what I wanted. So I would put it down for a bit, go on with my life, do other things … and then come back to it. Clearing out the cobwebs.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

cooking in the kitchen, husband reading in the other room, sometimes talking to each other, sometimes not, maybe music playing low, glass of wine on the counter … casual sense of shared space … no stress … ease … togetherness … not being alone

What is your greatest fear?

being alone and old and poor.

What historical figure do you most identify with?

I identify with Emily Dickinson. I identify with Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

Which living person do you most admire?

Madeleine L’Engle

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Cowardice. Negativity.

What trait do you most deplore in others?

Holier-than-thou prudery and judgment of others. Also gleeful cruelty to animals I find unforgivable.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Books.

Flynn.

On what occasion do you lie?

If I’m having a shitty day, and the nice smiley Pakistani guy behind the counter at my deli says, “How are you today?” (as he does EVERY day, bless him) when I come in to get my coffee – I always say, “Good! How are you?”

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

my profile

What is your favorite journey?

those moments when you are coming out of an isolated tough period in your life, when you have withdrawn from the world, maybe you’re healing from a heartbreak or whatever, and you force yourself to go to a party, or a family gathering, or a concert – whatever it is – something that you cannot control, an event that is outside of your mind, a social occasion – and instead of having to grin and bear it, and fake like you’re having a good time – you actually have the BEST time in your life, you forget your misery, and you find yourself laughing so hard you start to cry, or dancing like a whirling dervish, or deep in animated conversation … however it manifests itself …. It’s like a miracle. Suddenly you look around and realize: I am REALLY howling with laughter. I am REALLY talking and listening. And because you have been alone with your morbid thoughts for so long … it feels so vivid, so much like oxygen … a night like that is life affirming. You walk away a different person. You are on the way to healing.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

patience

Which living person do you most despise?

I despise Pat Buchanan. I despise Fred Phelps. I despise John Derbyshire. Oh, and also David Miskeeeevegee. Won’t spell his name correctly. Do not want his evil minions coming after me.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

marvelous

What is your greatest regret?

April 30, 1994. I regret what I DIDN’T say, not what I did.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

IS the greatest love? My family. Also Cary Grant, and books, and movies.

But yes, I did have a great love. He knows who he is.

When and where were you happiest?

long summer nights, age 7 or 8, sandy toes, wet bathing suit, lining up outside Newport Creamery, the take-out window – to get ice cream on the way home from the beach: chocolate in a cup, with chocolate jimmies … home, the cool dewy grass, fireflies, sleepy limbs, corn on the cob, sound of crickets, salt water making the skin feel taut and fresh …

Which talent would you most like to have?

figure skating

What is your current state of mind?

alert

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

how personally I take things, how much I internalize rejection, how willing I am to believe the worst about myself

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

make it a wee bit bigger by having a baby of my own

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?

person

If you could choose what or who to come back as, what would it be?

dolphin

What do your consider your greatest achievement?

friendships

What is your most treasured possession?

well … I don’t have the Barrister bookcase yet that my parents have given me for my birthday … but that already is my most treasured possession.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

having health problems when you have no insurance and no money

What is your most marked characteristic?

pale skin, big freckles

What is the quality you most like in a man?

humor
strength
likes women

What is the quality you most admire in a woman?

good listener
down to earth
not judgmental towards other women

What do you most value in your friends?

continuity

Who are your favourite writers?

Shakespeare
Madeleine L’Engle
Annie Proulx
James Joyce

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?

Harriet the spy
Charlotte the spider

Who are your heroes in real life?

firemen

What are your favourite names?

Moira
Zachary

What is it that you most dislike?

coconut

How would you like to die?

just not alone. someone be there with me.

What is your motto?

Make voyages. Attempt them. That’s all there is. — Tennessee Williams, “Camino Real”

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16 Responses to The Proust Questionnaire

  1. Carl V. says:

    I love Cary Grant as well. We watched Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer for the umpteenth time the other night. He’s so fantastic. Love Myrna Loy as well. If I remember right (and I probably don’t) this isn’t one of the Grant movies you like, however.

  2. red says:

    Hmm … I think I did like it! Hmmm … I love Myrna Loy, and he’s so funny in it – the 3 legged race and all that ridiculousness.

  3. red says:

    Also when he suddenly appears as a gleaming knight at the end of the school hallway?

    HA!

  4. red says:

    I will say, though, it’s not my favorite – In general I prefer the Cary Grant of the 30s and early 40s … again, there are exceptions – Bachelor is not QUITE as subversive as I like – and I like Grant best when he’s completely subversive (His Girl Friday, etc.)

    But still – lots of funny stuff. He’s always good.

  5. mere says:

    aaah the Creamery. I miss that place.

    …and we’re not bananas…

  6. red says:

    definitely not bananas.

    EsPECIALLY not tap-dancing tophat-wearing bananas.

  7. tracey says:

    Your greatest fear is the same as mine. Several of these are the same as mine …

  8. just1beth says:

    Strawberry Banana wheels, to be exact.

  9. red says:

    and then of course there was your sister’s Tale of the Barium Enema. Which also took place at Newport Creamery. One of the funniest stories I have ever heard in my life.

  10. PatrickP says:

    This one got me a little choked up, Sheila.

    If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

    make it a wee bit bigger by having a baby of my own

  11. dipnut says:

    You despise John Derbyshire? Oh God, that’s horrible. He’s my favorite writer on the internet.

    I mean, no problem, I still love you. Just…dang.

  12. red says:

    No, it’s not horrible that I hate John Derbyshire. I’m actually quite a happy person, even with this hate I have, since I feel I am completely justified in despising him. He is a homophobic piece of shit. As a matter of fact, I barely think of John Derbyshire at all and even writing this comment is far too much time spent on him.

    I feel bad for YOU that you like him, but whatever, it’s a free country. You’re free to like a bigot if that’s what floats your boat.

  13. Marisa says:

    Thank you for the kind words, Sheila.

    And your answer for “favorite journey” made me feel so good because I’ve been in that place of awakening from a dark time and well, you just put it so beautifully.

    I will probably go ahead and post my answers soon but I couldn’t answer it just after compiling it because I’d been ruminating on it too long and the spontaneity wasn’t there.

    You made my day.

  14. red says:

    Marisa –

    I know, you just so don’t want to over-think it, right? Or intellectualize it, or try to plan responses that will, in some way, be flattering to your self image … I had that struggle.

    It certainly took some time to fill out, it really did.

    I’ll look forward to your answers. Glad you are coming out of the dark time. :)

  15. beth says:

    john derbyshire…*shudder* terrifying and awful. i am going to do this one too, but will publish it all at once. may take me a little while.

  16. red says:

    beth – drop me a line when you’re done. It took me a while too – but I’d love to see your answers. (I do check your blog on a regular basis – but you know, just in case!)

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