"You have got to get OUT OF HERE."
"And miss the good stuff that's comin'?"
"SHE WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE."
"That's the good stuff that's comin'."
Okay, so I just have to say to everyone who showed up today: you are all so awesome. Beautiful. The guesses, the slow load-time of comments, the feeding frenzy atmosphere ... the beautiful stabs in the dark (sometimes the guesses are so illuminating, so intelligent - even if they were wrong) - the pondering, the worrying over certain quotes ... Seriously, it's on days like this that I'm really proud of this blog, and the fact that you people show up on a daily basis. I love it. Thank you for playing and playing so hard! It makes it all so fun.
Time to point out the quotes left unguessed - and I'll give a clue for each one.
This one has been giving folks a LOT of trouble. I guess I thought it was more obvious than it was! So here's the clue: the American dream gone horribly awry.
This one. Not one guess!! Here's a clue: bounty hunter
This one We've narrowed it down to a Woody Allen film. Here's a clue: ee cummings
This one. Here's a clue: Africa
This one Some awesome and very logical guesses. Here's a clue: vaudeville
This one I put a clue in the comments section there. It's truly terrifying.
This one Here's a clue: encyclopedia
This one DBW? Where are you?? Let's see - here's a clue: Scar
This one Here's a clue: a lost bumblebee
This one Clue: funhouse mirror
This one Clue: planetarium
This one Clue: "We're Texicans"
"Do we look like the kind of store that sells 'I Just Called to Say I Love You'?? Go to the mall."
"Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency."
"You want the word on that brother-and-sister act, Hansel's a fag and Gretel's got the hots for herself, so who cares, right? Load up on the salami. "
"Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?"
"Don't forget: stay out of the adult bookstore. "
"Adult bookstore. Why? "
"Poison gas. Invisible. "
"Step on it, Velma! Step on it, Velma! Step on it, Velma. Step on it, Velma. Velma, step on it, Velma! "
"You shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money."
"Those two yellow zinnias at the end, they're shorter now. Now since when do flowers grow shorter over the course of two weeks? Something's buried there."
"I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated."
"Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. You know, it's a funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely undressed. Yeah, now he made a picture. Years later, his secret came out. He wore a toupee. Yeah. You know, I have a method all my own. If you notice, the coat came first, then the tie, then the shirt. Now, uh, according to Hoyle, after that, the, uh, pants should be next. There's where I'm different... I go for the shoes next. First the right, then the left. After that it's, uh, every man for himself. "
"You were diagnosed with something called a brain cloud and didn't ask for a second opinion?"
"You don't ask me things like that, do you? No! You never ask me what's on the flip side."
"No! Because I don't give a shit. Shrevie, who cares about what's on the flip side about the record?"
"What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it."
"It adds up that you got yourselves the wrong guy. Because, I'm telling you, the krauts wouldn't plant two stoolies in one barracks. And whatever you do to me, you're gonna have to do all over again when you find the right guy. "
"Ever had sex with an animal, Jack? "
"No, but I saw some tasty-looking chickens back at that barn over there. "
"I don't like when somebody comes up to me the next day and says, 'Hey, man, I saw your play. It touched me; I cried.' I like it when a guy comes up to me a week later and says, 'Hey, man, I saw your play... what happened?' "
" I like the way I feel. I like thinking about the red dress and the television and you and your father. Now when I get the sun, I smile. "
"He treats me like a woman. "
"Oh he does, does he? Mm-hm... how did I treat you? Like a water buffalo? "
"When you pull on that jersey, the name on the front is a hell of alot more important than the one on the back. "
"I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex. "
"Ah, come on. Nothing's more important than sex. "
"Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization? "
"Are you a nice girl or are you a cunt? "
"Can't I be both? "
"No. It's a decision a girl's gotta make early in life, if she's gonna be a nice girl or a cunt. "
"I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp. "
"Don't you think that idea is a little half-baked? "
"Oh no, Dad, it's completely baked. "
"It's called 'Charlie Chan In London'. It's a detective story. "
"Set in London? "
"Well, not really."
"You know, at one time, I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries. But I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing... oh my, how the world still dearly loves a cage. "
"Son, if I'd only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes... now that would have been a tragedy. "
"Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins. "
"I'm a murderer. "
"No, you're not. "
"I'm a murderess. I'm gonna go to the pen. My poor kids. I'm gonna lose my job."
"Violet, stop this. "
"I'm no fool. I've killed the boss, you think they're not gonna fire me for a thing like that? "
"And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. "
"If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy, Pez, cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it. "
"Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as gift on my daughter's wedding day. "
" Mother, you're a scream, really you are. The next thing I know you'll be knitting little garments. "
"I don't see anything so ridiculous about that. "
" If I were you, I'd save myself the trouble."
"You know what I think? I think that we're all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out. We scratch and we claw, but only at the air, only at each other, and for all of it, we never budge an inch. "
"Sometimes, we deliberately step into those traps. "
"I was born into mine. I don't mind it anymore. "
"She said you came to the place where they buried her. Asked her a question? She said the answer is...'Every day.' What did you ask? "
"Do... Do I make her proud? "
"Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles ... And I'm sorry for telling everyone ... And I'm sorry for repeating it just now. "
"Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. "
"It's quiet. Only three days left. Plenty of time to read my Bible and look for a loophole. "
"What was she like, anyway? "
"Who? "
" That girl that made you act the way you do. "
"A whole lot like you. Just as nice, almost as smart. "
"Chorus girl? "
"Only by temperament. "
"Then, on the fourth day, he roped himself a couple of sea turtles, lashed 'em together and made a raft. "
"He roped a couple of sea turtles. "
"Aye. Sea turtles. "
"What did he use for rope? "
"Human hair. [pause] From my back. "
"What happened? "
" She ate from her own plate. She ate with a spoon. Herself. And she folded her napkin. "
" Folded her napkin? "
"The dining room's a wreck, but her napkin is folded."
"All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world. "
"No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that. "
"It's just that nosy Mrs. Bates going on about your picture last night."
"Oh really did she like it? "
"Oh really did she like it?... She liked it! "
"Erik got injured today. And do you know the first thing I thought when I saw him go down? "
"What?"
" 'I wish that was me.' So that made me think, you know, 'cause that's not a normal reaction. How much of what you liked about me was because I was a ballet dancer, and how much because I was me?"
"It seems it always happens. Whenever we get too high-hat and too sophisticated for flag-waving, some thug nation decides we're a push-over all ready to be blackjacked. And it isn't long before we're looking up, mighty anxiously, to be sure the flag's still waving over us. "
"I am so glad that I got sober now so I can be hyper-conscious for this series of humiliations. "
"I come from this musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor. "
"Where did he conduct? "
"On the Baltimore and Ohio. "
"I don't get this. Why do we have to get you along? Back in the States, I'd drive up, honk the horn, the gal'd come runnin'... "
"'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. "
"You're right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars *next* year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I'll have to close this place in ...... 60 years."
"I am gonna ask you questions. And every time you don't give me answers, I'm gonna cut something off. And I promise you, they will be things you will miss. "
"What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys. "
"Put all hope out of your mind. And masturbate as little as possible, it drains the strength! "
"You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American."
"We musn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918. "
"Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body."
"I think my eyes are getting better. Now instead of a big dark blur, I see a big bright blur. "
"There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know. "
"You're gonna die here, you know. "
"I'm gonna get fuckin' divorced. No marriage counselling, no trial separation, I'm gonna get fuckin' divorced."
"She does things in there I'm not allowed to see. So I go to the window and imagine that I am smelling the garden."
"My dear young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect."
"Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?"
"I just have one question: What's with the turtlenecks? I mean it's the middle of summer."
"Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... skip it."
"Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name? "
"It's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child."
"I'm not??? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?"
"Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall. "
"What about breakfast? "
"You've already had it. "
"We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast? "
"Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were old? Then we could say we survived all this. Everything thing would be uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young?"
"Katie, it was never uncomplicated."
"Aren't you too old to go to space camp?"
"You're never too old to go to space camp, dude."
"Well, did you hear that? I'm practically on the wagon, that's quite a change."
"It's a phase."
"You don't think a woman can change?"
"Sure, change is fun, for awhile."
"Your national security advisor has just been executed. He's a very good negotiator. He bought you another half hour."
"You're just a mass of prejudices, aren't you? You're so much thought and so little feeling, Professor."
"...just possibly saving 120 passengers from a tragic fiery death!"
"I find that story intensely moving."
"I find it as difficult to swallow as this potage au gelee."
"All we've got is that maybe you love me and maybe I love you."
"You know whether you love me or not."
"Maybe I do. I'll have some rotten nights after I've sent you over, but that'll pass."
"You are suspended for six months, without pay, effective immediately! Have you anything to say?"
".......Could you lend me fifty francs?"
"Forget it! I'm stayin' right where I am. It's gonna take you and the police department and the fire department and the National Guard to get me outta here!"
"See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity."
I'm no fool. I've killed the boss, you think they're not gonna fire me for a thing like that?
-- I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?
-- How do you feel about Cleveland?
-- I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I figured I better join before I got drafted.
-- Son, there ain't no draft no more.
Suddenly it came over me that everything would go wrong. It sounds crazy, but it's true, so help me. I couldn't hear my own footsteps. It was the walk of a dead man.
There are things you do hate, Lord. Perfume-smellin' things, lacy things, things with curly hair.
I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I spend a long time on my hair and he hit it. He hit my hair.
My father was fond of saying you need three things in life - a good doctor, a forgiving priest, and a clever accountant. The first two, I've never had much use for.
-- Everybody thinks I'm anorexic, but I'm not.
-- Really? Cause ... yeah ... cause I thought you were anorexic.
-- I know, I know ... Thank you.
I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.
They are retreating into a cloud of smoke where they will congratulate each other for being masters of the universe.
You're the first woman I've seen in one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.
-- What's this doohickey?
-- It's a brassiere! You know about those things, you're a big boy now.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were old? Then we could say we survived all this. Everything thing would be uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young?
-- I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him - that I greatly esteem him... I like him.
-- Esteem him? Like him? Use those insipid words again and I will leave this room this instant.
You can act like a man! What's the matter with you. Is this how you turned out? A Hollywood finocchio that cries like a woman.
Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.
This chick, man, without the sole benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!'.
-- Teaching is just a way to pay the bills until I finish my novel.
-- How long you been workin' on it?
-- Four and a half years.
-- It must be very good.
-- It's a piece of shit. Would anyone like to smoke some pot?
I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'll never understand or forgive myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I'll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There's one thing I do know - and that is that I love you. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we're alike. Bad lots, both of us. Selfish and shrewd. But able to look things in the eyes as we call them by their right names.
The prettiest sight in this fine pretty world is the privileged class enjoying its privileges.
-- My astrologist has read my horoscope, he's read DeMille's horoscope.
-- Has he read the script?
I'll tell you what. Until I get back my five thousand dollars, you're gonna get more than you bargained for. I'm your goddamn partner!
People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.
-- You said you loved me.
-- I meant it at the time.
-- Well what was it, a viral love? Kind of a 24 hour thing?
So you're finally showin' the right side of your face. Well, I seen it all along. This is some kinda drug you been givin' her. It's what's been making her act like she's been. Well, Ah'm goin' into town and Ah'm gunna tell them what you been up to.
-- I don't even know you.
-- You know me. I'm the same as you. It's two in the morning and I don't know nobody.
Bill's thirty-two. He looks thirty-two. He looked it five years ago, he'll look it twenty years from now. I hate men.
Now you listen to me. I don't want any plastics and I don't want any ground floors. And I don't want to get married ever to anyone! You understand that? I want to do what I want to do.
-- Will, am I a bad mother?
-- No. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic.
-- Speak for yourself.
-- Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.
Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils, no pens. No paper clips or staples in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier only, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand?
Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant!
-- What's the attraction?
-- I dunno... she fills gaps.
-- What's 'gaps'?
-- I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.
-- Are you ballin' her?
-- I want to go to Bombay, India to become a movie star.
-- You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star. You go where we're going, Hollywood.
-- Well, sure, if you want to do it the easy way...
-- Papa, if losing a case depresses you so, why don't you quit practicing law and go into another line of business?
-- That's a good idea. Starting tomorrow, I intend to play first base for the Baltimore Orioles.
-- Do you want to stay?
-- Why not? All that awaits me at home is a masturbating Welshman.
Sofia home, now. Sofia home. Things is gonna be changin' around here. Pass me them peas, boy.
You look fit. War agrees with you. I keep informed; I follow all your slaughters from a distance. Do sit down.
-- I don't suppose that's a drop of anything wet in the house?
-- Help yourself to the buttermilk.
If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would've never guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together
Money really means nothing to me. Do you think I'd treat my parents' house this way if it did?
I don't know who you are or where you've come from, but from now on you'll do as I say, okay?
-- Oh David, what have you done?
-- Just name anything, and I've done it.
If we bring a little joy into your humdrum lives, it makes us feel as though our hard work ain't been in vain for nothin'. Bless you all.
You used to be fun. You used to be warped and twisted and hilarious... and I mean that in the best way - I mean it as a compliment!
You dream that if you discuss the revolution with a man before you go to bed with him, it'll be missionary work rather than sex.
No. No, Mother, I have not been drinking. No. No. These two men, they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me. No, they didn't give me a chaser.
-- What makes you think you can just walk in there and take whatever you want?
-- They're called boobs, Ed.
"Maybe we should change our name to Porter. That way everyone will call us Potter."
Guesses?
(Oh, and please: No Googling! hee hee)
I will be doing another Movie Quote Guessing Game ... which will start tomorrow at 3:30 p.m (EST) Show up at 3:30 - when I will launch a bazillion quotes all at once.
"Don't shove me Harv. I'm tired of being shoved."
"Your car? Your running board? Is there anything in the world that doesn't belong to you?"
"Yes! You, thank goodness!"
"Now don't lose your temper."
I know no one's on line it bein' almost Christmas and all - but here goes:
"I assume there's an accident indemnity clause."
"Never between friends."
"But this last time was not my fault."
"What happened."
"It was a little ... a little classroom ... and it ... sort of ... burned down ..."
"Burned down??"
"Well, blew up, actually."
"Political activism?"
"Chemistry major."
"Oh, you still pursue your feminist activities?"
"Oh yes."
"Pity. It's a lost cause."
"Oh, do you really think so? How little you know about women. Good-bye. I doubt that we shall meet again."
"Oh, do you really think so? How little you know about men."
(Just saw this movie again this weekend and continue to be amazed by it. I've tried to write a post about this film about 20 times ... but it's almost like I feel too much for this movie to be articlulate about it. I'll get to it one day. Can anyone guess what movie the exchange is from??)
Okay - knowing my audience - this one is going to be guessed really fast:
"I'm a doctor."
"Of what?"
"Music."
"Can you fix a hi-fi?"
"No, sir."
"Then SHUT UP."
(This is all one exchange:)
"I mean, don't you think it's a little bit excessive?"
"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. William Blake."
Pause.
"William Blake?"
"William Blake!"
"William Blake???"
"William Blake!!!"
"The COLOR OF THIS PEN ... THAT I HOLD IN MY HAND ... IS ... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRROYAL BLUE."
Unfurling below are a gazillion movie quotes (some are exchanges of dialogue - others just one-liners). Guess the movie! There is no prize. Just a lot of fun.
READY
SET
GO!
"I can hear you whisperin' children, so I know you're down there. I can feel myself gettin' awful mad. I'm out of patience children. I'm coming to find you now."
"I was such an awful mother... what if you had a mother like Joan Crawford or Lana Turner?"
"These are the options? You, Joan or Lana?"
"People like blood sausage too, people are morons."
"Don't you think that idea is a little half-baked?"
"Oh no, Dad, it's completely baked."
"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
"You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year."
"Remember what it says in the Bible, 'The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.'"
"How does it feel to be the Lord?"
"Not so very wonderful, since the Free Will Bill was passed. Too little power."
"The wet look is in, asshole."
"That's Mr. Asshole to you."
"We're both rotten."
"Only you're a little more rotten."
"You know what I want you to do? Will you do something for me? "
"What?"
"Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that's all. Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on. I'm not asking, I'm telling with this. Kick my ass."
"You're talking about a matter of seconds. Nobody can be that accurate."
"Well I think that testimony that can put a boy into the electric chair should be that accurate."
"You despise me, don't you?"
"If I gave you any thought I probably would."
"Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?"
"I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me."
"Now, what can a man do with his clothes off for twenty minutes? Couldn't he have taken an hour?"
"You could always take a cold shower."
"Where did you learn to drive?"
"I took a correspondence course."
"Deliberate cruelty is unforgivable, and the one thing of which I have never, ever been guilty of."
"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave."
"There's been a lamp burning in the window for ya, honey. "
"No thanks. I jumped out that window a long time ago."
"I like the way I look. Makes me feel good, it does. And women like me, goddammit. Hell, the only one thing I ever been good for is lovin'. Women go crazy for me, that's a really true fact!"
"Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?"
"No, sir, it's very unfair. Especially to your wife."
"If she was here I'd probably be just as crazy now as I was then in about 5 minutes. Ain't that ridiculous?... Naw, it ain't really. 'Cause being crazy about a woman like her is always the right thing to do. Being an old decrepit bag of bones, that's what's ridiculous."
I know I put this quote in every time I do this game, but it's too good - I can't resist:
"Hmm."
"What does that mean?"
"It means, hmm."
"What's this doohickey?"
"It's a brassiere! You know about those things, you're a big boy now."
"How can we get a nice little war going?"
"You, you with the banjo, can you help me? I seem to have lost my sense of direction!"
"Have you tried Hare Krishna?"
"There are two people in this barracks who know I didn't do it. Me and the guy that did do it."
"I came into this game for the action, the excitement. Go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they got the whole country sectioned off, you can't make a move without a form."
"You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?"
"Hey, these are real diamonds!"
"Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?"
"He treats me like a woman. "
"What did I treat you like? A water buffalo?"
"What would you do if some miracle happened and we could walk out of here tomorrow morning and start all over again clean? No record and nobody after us, huh?"
"Well, uh, I guess I'd do it all different. First off, I wouldn't live in the same state where we pull our jobs. We'd live in another state. We'd stay clean there and then when we'd take a bank, we'd go into the other state."
"Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."
"She just looks like Lana Turner. "
"She is Lana Turner. "
"What? "
"She is Lana Turner."
"You mean you want me to go home? "
"Yes. "
"You mean you don't want me to help you any more? "
"No. "
"After all the fun we've had? "
"Yes. "
"And after all the things I've done for you? "
"That's what I mean."
"Will I see you tonight?"
"I never make plans that far ahead."
"This means something. This is important."
"You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If you're honest you're poor your whole life and in the end you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
"Each, in its own way, was unforgettable. It would be difficult to - Rome! By all means, Rome. I will cherish my visit here in memory as long as I live."
"Is it three strikes, Doc?"
"You want it straight?"
"Yeah. "
"It's three strikes."
"If you were mine, I wouldn't share you with anybody or anything. It'd be just you and me. We'd be the center of it all. I know it would feel a lot more like love than being left alone with your work."
"I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us."
"You can find another wife."
"Sure I can find another wife. But she take my rifle and horse. Oh, I'll never sell her. I love her so much. I beat her with a whip and she never gets tired."
"Your wife?"
"No, my horse. I can find another wife easy, yes, but not a horse like that!"
"You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American. "
"We musn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918."
"I was at Woodstock, for Christ's sake. I peed in a field!"
"Is your Honor feeling all right?"
"No my Honor is not feeling all right."
.... It's just a matter of time before someone guesses this one ...
A race to the finish ... anyone?
Sure, I'll play. Here's the game:
The First Five Movie/TV Quotes that come into your head (must be from different movies/shows).
1. "Anybody got a match?" - Lauren Bacall (Slim) in To Have and Have Not
2. "Spitting's a disgusting habit."
"I know a worse one." - Willy Wonka
3. "I LOST MY HAND! I LOST MY HAND!" - Nic Cage in Moonstruck
4. "You're my knight in shining armor, and don't you forget it." - Kate Hepburn in On Golden Pond
5. "I myself have a little announcement to make which may be of some interest!" -- Kenneth Mars in What's Up Doc?
These have all been identified now. Game over. Thanks for playing. I wish I could buy you all gifts. But I can't and I won't.
1. This one has been guessed - it's Gunga Din
- "You're mad!"
- "Mad? Mad. Hannibal was mad, Caesar was mad, and Napoleon surely was the maddest of the lot. Ever since time began, they've called mad all the great soldiers in this world. Mad? We shall see what wisdom lies within my madness. For this is but the spring that precedes the flood. From here we roll on. From village to town. From town to mighty city. Ever mounting, ever widening, until at last my wave engulfs all India!"
Clue: An epic film, and one of the last shots of the film was chosen by the AFI as one of the greatest shots in a movie ever. And, um, India is also a clue. (No, it's not Gandhi).
Additional clue: This movie is referenced in Sleepless in Seattle, in a very funny scene between Tom Hanks and Rob Reiner. It's a very GUY movie.
Additional clue: This movie is based on a famous epic poem. This is sure to give it away.
2. This one has been guessed (at the expense of Peteb's sanity) - it's White Christmas, with Bing Crosby
"Everybody's got a little larceny operating in them, surely you know that?"
Clue: Another one sent to me by ... I think Kaptin Marko?
Additional clue: It is a classic, an absolute favorite of a major upcoming holiday.
3. This one has been guessed - it's Suspicion, directed by Hitchcock, starring Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine
"Your ucipital mapilary is quite beautiful."
Clue: This is not from Bringing Up Baby. The "bone" in Bringing Up Baby is the "intercostal clavicle. So here are a couple other clues: There's another quote from this movie on the original list (it's already been guessed). The "ucipital mapilary" line is said to an actress who ended up winning the Oscar for her role in this film, and she was married to one of the greatest actors of the 20th century.
However: There IS indeed a connection between Bringing Up Baby and this movie.
4. This one has been guessed - it's Waiting for Guffman
"It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire."
Clue: Emily?? You've guessed all of the other quotes in the list from this particular movie ...
Clue: This may be the only movie ever made that contains references to a "vagina enlargement". (Of course, now some geek is going to come out of the woodwork and give me 8 movies that also reference "vagina enlargements". I can feel it coming ...)
5. This one has been guessed - it's 8 Mile - Eminem's rap in the last scene of the movie
"But I know some-thing about YOU! You went to Cranbrooke – that's a PRIVATE school!"
Clue: So I already gave a clue to this one yesterday. Notice that these two sentences RHYME. I'll add one more thing: If you know where Cranbrooke is (a famous private school), you might be halfway there.
Another Clue: I saw this movie 4 times in the movie theatre. I own it. I love it. Many people on this blog would probably judge me for that. But I will say this: it was a huge hit, making millions and millions of dollars in its opening weekend. And ... it got an Oscar. Not as "best picture" or anything like that ... but ... er ... it got an Oscar. A very good movie, whether or not you "approve" of ... well. It.
Jean? Sister Jean? You would get this one in a heartbeat.
Clue: The man who directed # 5 also directed LA Confidential. (If you IMDB or Google this, don't put the answer down. I just KNOW someone will guess this.)
Update: As clues come out in the comments, I will add them to the post. It seems simpler.
Unguessed quotes
1. This one has now been guessed: Ball of Fire, starring Gary Cooper and Barbara Stanwyck
- "Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body. I, too, have been acutely aware of your presence. Twice, to be exact. Once, when you leaned over my shoulder to correct my spelling of the word "Boogie-Woogie", and I felt your breath on my neck. Second, when you stood by the window and the light was on your hair …"
- "And what did you do about it?"
- "I left the room, of course. I wet a towel and put it on the back of my neck, right where the nerve center is."
Clue: We have established that the monologue at the beginning was said to Barbara Stanwyck. My additional clue would be: Many of you out there had told me to see this movie, after writing a certain essay about a certain director whose specialty was the battle-between-the-sexes.
2. This one has now been guessed: The Big Sleep, starring Bogey and Bacall
- "So you do get up, I was beginning to think you worked in bed like Marcel Proust. "
- "Who's he? "
- "You wouldn't know him, a French writer. "
- "Come into my boudoir. "
Clue: This film was based on a book by a famous detective-noir author. During shooting, the director realized he didn't know who murdered one of the key characters, couldn't figure it out. So he called up the author and asked him. The author said, "I have no idea."
3. This one has now been guessed: The Big Sleep, starring Bogey and Bacall
-"Hmm."
-"What does that mean?"
-"It means, hmm."
Clue: If you guessed #2, then you will also guess this one. Same movie.
4.
- "You're mad!"
- "Mad? Mad. Hannibal was mad, Caesar was mad, and Napoleon surely was the maddest of the lot. Ever since time began, they've called mad all the great soldiers in this world. Mad? We shall see what wisdom lies within my madness. For this is but the spring that precedes the flood. From here we roll on. From village to town. From town to mighty city. Ever mounting, ever widening, until at last my wave engulfs all India!"
Clue: An epic film, and one of the last shots of the film was chosen by the AFI as one of the greatest shots in a movie ever. And, um, India is also a clue. (No, it's not Gandhi).
5. This one has now been guessed: The Great Race, starring Natalie Wood, Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon, and Peter Falk
"Woman starves to death handcuffed to the men's room of the New York Sentinel!"
Clue: This was sent to me by someone. Kaptin Marko, I think?? The guesses we have had so far have been: His Girl Friday, The Paper, Network, Front Page ... Whoever sent this to me, could you provide a clue?
Additional clue: The actress who says this line died tragically young, by drowning. She was in a ton of movies considered to be classics.
Additional clue: At the end of this particular film, the Eiffel Tower collapses to the ground.
Additional clue: 2 of the stars of this movie (there were 4 big names in the film) were also 2 of the stars in Some Like it Hot.
6. This one has now been guessed: Nashville, directed by Robert Altman
"Fellow taxpayers and stockholders of America. On the first Tuesday of November, we have to make some vital decisions about our management. Let me go directly to the point. I'm for doing some replacing."
Clue: Mitchell? Are you out there? This is from one of your favorite movies. A sprawling brilliant messy picture, seen as a masterpiece by many, the best film by this particular director (who is still alive).
7.
"Everybody's got a little larceny operating in them, surely you know that?"
Clue: Another one sent to me by ... I think Kaptin Marko?
Additional clue: It is a classic, an absolute favorite of a major upcoming holiday. Irving would get it right off, if he were with us.
8.
"Your ucipital mapilary is quite beautiful."
Clue: This is not from Bringing Up Baby. The "bone" in Bringing Up Baby is the "intercostal clavicle. So here are a couple other clues: There's another quote from this movie on the list (already guessed). The "ucipital mapilary" line is said to an actress who ended up winning the Oscar for her role in this film, and she was married to one of the greatest actors of the 20th century.
9. This one has now been guessed: High Noon, starring Gary Cooper
"People gotta talk themselves into law and order before they do anything about it. Maybe because down deep they don't care. They just don't care."
Clue: This movie, while now acknowledged to be a classic, was very very controversial when it first came out. Apparently, John Wayne called it "un-American." (Uh, John? Take a nap. Chill out.) John Wayne teamed up with another director (one of my favorites) and made ANOTHER movie in the same genre as the one of this quote - as a sort of counter-argument.
10.
"It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire."
Clue: Emily?? You've guessed all of the other quotes in the list from this particular movie ...
11.
"But I know some-thing about YOU! You went to Cranbrooke – that's a PRIVATE school!"
Clue: So I already gave a clue to this one yesterday. Notice that these two sentences RHYME. I'll add one more thing: If you know where Cranbrooke is (a famous private school), you might be halfway there.
Another Clue: I saw this movie 4 times in the movie theatre. I own it. I love it. Many people on this blog would probably judge me for that. But I will say this: it was a huge hit, making millions and millions of dollars in its opening weekend. And ... it got an Oscar. Not as "best picture" or anything like that ... but ... er ... it got an Oscar. A very good movie, whether or not you "approve" of ... well. It.
Jean? Sister Jean? You would get this one in a heartbeat.
12. This one has now been guessed: The Dirty Dozen
"Sure they're pretty, but can they fight?"
Clue: Hard to believe no one has gotten this yet, with all of the GUYS I have guessing. It's a guy movie. Macho macho macho. Man, man, man. The opposite of a chick flick. Famous. Beloved by men everywhere. Dad??
- "Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture."
- "You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything."
"Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say." Well, you're dead now, so shut up. "
"We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now!"
- "Are you frightened?"
- "Yes. "
- "Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you. "
"Oh Luke, you wild, beautiful thing. You crazy handful of nothin'. "
- "Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body. I, too, have been acutely aware of your presence. Twice, to be exact. Once, when you leaned over my shoulder to correct my spelling of the word "Boogie-Woogie", and I felt your breath on my neck. Second, when you stood by the window and the light was on your hair …"
- "And what did you do about it?"
- "I left the room, of course. I wet a towel and put it on the back of my neck, right where the nerve center is."
- "Hi. I'm Diana Christensen, a racist lackey of the imperialist ruling circles. "
- "I'm Laureen Hobbs, a badass commie nigger. "
- "Sounds like the basis of a firm friendship. "
- "Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. "
- "That's 105 percent. "
- "I think they sent me to the wrong place. "
- "Uh-huh. "
- "See, I did join the army, but I joined a *different* army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms."
"Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was a terrific dancer."
"Well, well. You're the first woman I've ever met who said yes when she meant yes. "
"I... had an experience. I can't prove it, I can't even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real. I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever. A vision of the universe, that tells us undeniably, how tiny, and insignificant and how... rare, and precious we all are! A vision that tells us that we belong to something that is greater then ourselves, that we are *not*, that none of us are alone. I wish that I could share that. I wish that everyone, if only just for a moment, could know that awe and humility and hope … But …. That continues to be my wish."
- "You not gonna stick around for your share? "
- "Nah. I'd only blow it. "
in a singing voice: "Zippedy Doo-Dah! Zippedy Yay! My, oh my, I got a wonderful slave."
(Emily, this one's for you.)
"Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments."
- "You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American."
- "We musn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918. "
"Wanna dance or would you rather just suck face?"
"Jimmy, I've been a scout for a long time, and the number one rule is, arms slow down when they get old. Now, if I call the office and tell 'em I got a guy here almost twice these kids' age, I'm gonna get laughed at. But, if I don't call in a 98-mile-an-hour fastball, I'm gonna get fired! I'm just saying there's a chance you might get a call on this." [turns to leave, then turns around] "You figure out what I saw out there today, you let me know. "
"If you were mine, I wouldn't share you with anybody or anything. It'd be just you and me. We'd be the center of it all. I know it would feel a lot more like love than being left alone with your work."
(In my wee editorial opinion, it's the best work this person has ever done. I'll shut up now)
"I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs."
"Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?"
- "Did you approach my client with a cocked and loaded pistol?"
- "Well, a cocked and unloaded pistol ain't goin' to do you any good."
"You know, a few minutes ago a reporter asked me what I thought and how I would describe the marriage between the soft drink King and the Queen of Hollywood. I told him I thought it was a hell of a match! "
- "It's true love, my friend. "
- "Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers. "
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
- "I know that Richard will always be faithful to me."
- "That's nice. Trust. "
- "Fear of herpes."
"You have everything it takes to make a lovely woman except the one essential: an understanding heart. And without that you might just as well be made of bronze."
"I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one. "
"He's teaching me to change my instincts... or at least ignore them."
- "Would you like something to read?"
- "Do you have anything light? "
- "How about this leaflet, 'Famous Jewish Sports Legends?'"
"You've made one the cardinal blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'..."
- "How's your leg? "
- "Hurts a little. "
- "Your stomach? "
- "Empty as a football. "
- "And your love life? "
- "Not very active. "
- "Anything else bothering you? "
- "Yes, who are you? "
"Oh Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars. "
- "How did you do that? How did you do that?"
- "Don't know. First time. "
- "You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake, well, this could be it, sweetheart."
- "I take it back."
- "So you do get up, I was beginning to think you worked in bed like Marcel Proust. "
- "Who's he? "
- "You wouldn't know him, a French writer. "
- "Come into my boudoir. "
"In a world where carpenters get resurrected, everything is possible."
"I don't believe what I'm seeing! Where you been all your lives, at an orgy? Listening to Mick Jagger music and bad-mouthing your country, I'll bet..."
"Look at that! Look how she moves! That's just like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!"
"No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace."
- "I will not risk open war. "
- "Open war is upon you whether you would risk it or not. "
"My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks."
-"Hmm."
-"What does that mean?"
-"It means, hmm."
- "I didn't know what I was doing. I, I didn't know anything except how much I hated him. But I didn't take anything. I didn't, Jeff. Don't you believe me?"
- "Baby, I don't care."
"You've got no faith in Johnny, have you, Julia. His little dream may fall flat, you think. Well, so it may, what if it should? there'll be another. Oh, I've got all the faith in the world in Johnny. Whatever he does is alright with me. If he wants to dream for a while, he can dream for a while, and if he wants to come back and sell peanuts, oh! How I'll believe in those peanuts!"
- "Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed. "
- "What are we, dear?"
- "Protestant, and fiercely proud of it. "
- "Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children? "
- "Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby."
- "But it's the same with us. "
- "What do you mean? "
- "Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice. "
- "That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted. "
- "Really?"
"I can hear you whisperin' children, so I know you're down there. I can feel myself gettin' awful mad. I'm out of patience children. I'm coming to find you now."
- "Why would a guy wanna marry a guy?"
- "Security! "
- "Did you like the opera, dear?"
- "It was so good, I almost peed my pants!"
- "I wish to check the position of the Nile. My sister tells me it is in South America."
- "No. She's quite wrong, for I believe it is in Belgium."
- "You must be thinking of the Volga."
- "The Volga?"
- "Of course, the Volga. Which, as you know, starts in..."
- "Vladivostock, and ends in... "
- "Wimbledon."
- "Precisely."
- "What's that?"
- "Another Venus."
- "Twenty-five thousand bucks. That's a lot of money to pay for a dame without a head."
"Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you."
- "Well, you look perfectly idiotic in those clothes."
- "These aren't my clothes."
- " Well, where are your clothes?"
- "I've lost my clothes!"
- "But why are you wearing *these* clothes?"
- "Because I just went GAY all of a sudden!"
"People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him."
- "Why didn't you take off all your clothes? You could have stopped forty cars."
- "Well, ooo, I'll remember that when we need forty cars."
- "You're mad!"
- "Mad? Mad. Hannibal was mad, Caesar was mad, and Napoleon surely was the maddest of the lot. Ever since time began, they've called mad all the great soldiers in this world. Mad? We shall see what wisdom lies within my madness. For this is but the spring that precedes the flood. From here we roll on. From village to town. From town to mighty city. Ever mounting, ever widening, until at last my wave engulfs all India!"
"I could peel you like a pear and God himself would call it justice!"
"There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature."
"I never knew that murder could smell like honeysuckle. "
"Some people call it Hell, but I call it Hades."
"You're making my dog very nervous - he detests the smell of stupidity."
"Woman starves to death handcuffed to the men's room of the New York
Sentinel!"
- "Speak for yourself."
- "Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language."
"I'm shakin' the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm gonna see the world. Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum. Then, I'm comin' back here to go to college and see what they know. And then I'm gonna build things. I'm gonna build airfields, I'm gonna build skyscrapers a hundred stories high, I'm gonna build bridges a mile long... "
"Fellow taxpayers and stockholders of America. On the first Tuesday of November, we have to make some vital decisions about our management. Let me go directly to the point. I'm for doing some replacing."
"I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using?"
"It's just like the first time I came here, isn't it? We were talking about automobile insurance, only you were thinking about murder. And I was thinking about that anklet."
"I always knew someday you'd come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable. So, what are you doing here in Nepal?"
"Well you know what they say, 'smile and the world smiles with you'!" (Pause. Then - directly to the camera) "This man should be in a straight-jacket."
- "Would you like to kiss me on the veranda?"
- "On the lips would be fine."
- "Larry, no! Don't look at the light!"
- "I can't help it. It's so beautiful ..."
"Forget it, mister high-and-mighty Master Control! You're not going to make me talk!"
"I do not know how to kiss, or I would kiss you. Where do the noses go? I always wondered that – where do the noses go?"
- "Well, you know what they say, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
- "Try it."
"You gonna bring me that Martini, or do I have to suck it out of the glass from here?"
"Turbulence. Solar radiation heats the earth's crust. Warm air rises, cool air descends. Turbulence."
"I suffer from short term memory loss. It runs in my family. At least, I think it does. I wonder where they are anyway..."
"You don't like it, do you Rocco, the storm? Show it your gun, why don't you? If it doesn't stop, shoot it."
- "Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder."
- "Who's scruffy-looking?"
"...and there it was, electric sex, gleaming in the window."
"If I ever run into any of you bums on a street corner, just let's pretend we've never met before."
(fabulous. Just a fabulous moment.)
"Everybody's got a little larceny operating in them, surely you know that?"
"20 Million Miles from home, and a gung-ho Iguana tells me to relax."
"People gotta talk themselves into law and order before they do anything about it. Maybe because down deep they don't care. They just don't care."
"We'll catch those thieves red-handed. What color are their hands now?"
- "I assume there's an accident indemnity clause."
- "Never between friends."
- "This is not going to work."
- "Why didn't you say so before?"
- "I did say so before."
- "What would you have me do? Give out? Give up? Give in?"
- "Give me a little peace."
- "A little? Why so modest? How about eternal peace? Now there's a thought."
"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
- "Give me your cup. "
- "I don't drink coffee, thank you. "
- "Well, now, what do you drink? "
- "I'm partial to cold buttermilk. "
- "Well, we ain't got none of that. We ain't got no lemonade either!"
"It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire."
- "Only I couldn't, could I?"
- "Why not?"
- "Jeanie … who wants to see this ... dance?"
Pause.
- "Me, Dave. I do."
(I've seen this movie probably 15 times, and I still get choked up at this moment.)
- "Nice girls don't let men kiss them until after they're engaged. Men don't want the bloom rubbed off."
- "Personally, I think I have too much bloom. Maybe that's the trouble with me."
"I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light."
- "It's about time you got married, before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man."
- "Yeah, can't you just see me, rushing home to a hot apartment to listen to the laundry and the electric dishwasher and the garbage disposal and the nagging wife..."
- "Jeff, wives don't nag anymore. They discuss."
- "Oh, is that so, is that so? Well, maybe in the high-rent district they discuss. In my neighborhood they still nag."
- "What does he have to go back to?"
- "He's going back to his world, where he belongs. He knows it, and you know it, too."
"GodDAMMIT, I don't want another ESTimate. I want the PROCEDURE. NOW."
"I like to think you killed a man. It's the sentimentalist in me."
"You wanna know how good he is? I'll tell you how good he is. He is better at this than I have ever been at anything in my life. He is better at this than you will ever be at anything."
(gives me chills. Great moment.)
"The prettiest sight in this fine pretty world is the privileged class enjoying its privileges."
"But I know some-thing about YOU! You went to Cranbrooke – that's a PRIVATE school!"
- "What's the play about?"
- "Oh, it's about this nurse…"
- "Water polo, isn't that dangerous?"
- "It sure is. I had two ponies drowned under me."
"You may smoke, too. I can still enjoy the smell of it. Hmm, nice state of affairs when a man has to indulge his vices by proxy. You're looking, sir, at a very dull survival of a very gaudy life, crippled, paralyzed in both legs, barely I eat and my sleep is so near waking it's hardly worth a name. I seem to exist largely on heat like a new born spider."
(God, I just love that writing. LOVE IT.)
"Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease."
- "I always thought you had hidden depths."
- "Oh, no. No. See, you've always had that wrong. I really am quite shallow."
... for the umpteenth time.
"And stop calling me Shirley."
"I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."
"Stewardess? I speak jive."
Oh, and there are so so so much more.
Jen and I commented on the fact that we couldn't even LAUGH during the "jive-translation" scene, because it is too funny. We could only laugh once it was over.
Things I had forgotten:
-- Leslie Nielsen giving a random Pap smear in the middle of the airplane
-- How funny Lloyd Bridges' disintegration of personality is
-- the RIDICULOUS disco dancing scene in the bar "during the war" - Er - what war would that be? Jen and I were laughing so hard we were crying. I said at one point, "Look at the extras. It's a mixture of pirates and disco dancers."
-- the automatic pilot never fails to reduce me into a puddle of laughter
-- Leslie Nielsen is brilliant. How in the world did he not laugh. How????
-- the stewardess who knocks out the IV with her guitar. What struck me as so freakin' funny during THIS viewing was how HARD she sings that song. She is BELTING out those notes. Jen and I were howling.
-- the arguing announcers at the airport. Heh heh heh
-- the man in the turban who douses himself with gasoline rather than listen to his seatmate's long long LONG stories about the "war". What struck me was this: There he is, pouring gasoline over his body - Then: he lights a match. At that moment, the stewardess comes over, and a long conversation ensues, where she tries to convince him he has to take over as pilot. During that entire conversation, the turbaned-man sits, watching, holding up this lit match ... as it burns down to the end. He never turns to look at the match, or blow it out - He is frozen. Hilarious.
So much more.
This movie is sheer liquid joy.
Here they are:- Alex??
1. "I never eat anything that begins with the letter 'F.' Like chicken, for instance."
2. "We're not married."
"Congratulations."
"But we will be soon."
"Condolences."
3. "All of a sudden, she's playing Hamlet's mother!"
4. "Oh Walter, you're wonderful - in a loathsome sort of way."
5. "It's my intercostal clavicle!!"
6. "Save some craziness for menopause!"
7. "When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it. Always."
8. "So this is where you live. Oh, Mother will love it up here."
9. "Father, you were right. It all works out. I guess God knows more about these things than we do. Somehow or other, Cora paid for Nick's life with hers. And now I'm going to. Father, would you send up a prayer for me and Cora, and if you could find it in your heart, make it that we're together, wherever it is?"
10. "Listen. There are reasons why I can't turn around and look ... but is there a little kid heading in here?" (If my friend Mitchell weren't on tour and out of communication, he would get this one. He loves this movie.)
"Get off the babysitter, put your pants on and come out with your hands up!"
"What am I gonna say? 'I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?'"
"In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
"I never eat anything that begins with the letter 'F.' Like chicken, for instance."
- "Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night: that when I get older, these kids are gonna' take care of me."
- "I wouldn't count on it."
"Do you love him?"
"Yeah, Ma, I love him something awful."
"Oh God, that's too bad."
"Now pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car."
- "I love you."
- "I know."
(Actually, this shows up in 2 movies ... both titles are correct.)
"Mr. Ambassador, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now! Your aircraft has dropped enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet! Now, shall we dispense with the bull?"
"I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now.....quite confidently.....that it's going to be alright again."
- "Don't you know the meaning of propriety?"
- "Propriety? 'Noun. Conformity to established standards of behavior or manners, suitability, rightness or justice. See Etiquette.'"
"We're not married."
"Congratulations."
"But we will be soon."
"Condolences."
"I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjunct to the job."
"You're the first woman I've seen in one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman."
I am getting ready for Round 2 of our Movie Quote game. I have a ton more to post - wanted to know if anyone wanted me to be sure to include certain quotes?
A bunch of you have already emailed me, asking me to include things, but wanted to open it up to all!
Email me - and make sure you tell me which film it's from.
I may have a freak memory for stuff, but I am fallible and flighty as well.
"Peel out. I just love it when guys peel out."
"There were complications ... to my ... complications."
"You are protected by the enormity of your stupidity - for a time."
- "What I mean is, the moment I meet an attractive woman, I have to start pretending I have no desire to make love to her."
- "What makes you think you have to conceal it?"
- "She might find the idea objectionable."
- "Then again, she might not."
- "Think how lucky I am to have been seated here."
- "Well, luck had nothing to do with it."
"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."
-"You're just going to have to trust me about this, this one thing. You need a lot of drinks."
- "To break the ice?"
- "To kill the bug that you have up your ass."
- "You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"
- "I want you to hold it between your knees."
I think I've posted this quote before, but it might be my favorite - ever:
"By the authority vested in me by Kaiser William II, I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution."
"This little girl has got to go winky-tinky."
"May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"
"It sounds like she's in trouble. I'd better play back the whole thing."
"Oh Walter, you're wonderful - in a loathsome sort of way."
"I don't know anything anymore!!"
"That sounds very hopeful, Red."
“Hey, Dad! You wanna have a catch?”
“I'd like that.”
"I absolve you! I absolve you! I absolve you! I absolve you! I absolve you all!"
(Unbelievably great moment.)
"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it. Always."
“I used to hate the water.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
"So this is where you live. Oh, Mother will love it up here."
(heh heh. Funny moment - the last of this particular film.)
This one kills me. Great flick.
"Father, you were right. It all works out. I guess God knows more about these things than we do. Somehow or other, Cora paid for Nick's life with hers. And now I'm going to. Father, would you send up a prayer for me and Cora, and if you could find it in your heart, make it that we're together, wherever it is?"
"No sir, I'm afraid not. No sir. I yielded the floor once before, if you can remember, and I was practically never heard of again. No sir. And we might as well all get together on this yielding business right off the bat now. Now, I had some pretty good coaching last night, and I find that if I yield only for a question or a point of order or a personal privilege, that I can hold this floor almost until doomsday. In other words, I've got a piece to speak, and blow hot or cold, I'm gonna speak it."
"Listen. There are reasons why I can't turn around and look ... but is there a little kid heading in here?"
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die."
"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. That's goddamn right."
"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. (That's goddamn right.)"
So a lot of these quotes will probably be no-brainers and perhaps even insultingly easy - but I posted them anyway because I love them. They're like old friends. I also posted some more obscure ones, but I know I've got some movie buffs out there who would like a challenge ...
Below you are a bunch of movie quotes and speeches from films - can you guess them?
It's gonna be a race to the finish now ...
On your mark, get set ...
GO.
"Would you like me to tell you the little story of right hand, left hand? The story of good and evil? H-A-T-E. It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low. L-O-V-E. You see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man - the right hand, friends, the hand of love."
(Gives me a chill up the spine just thinking about it.)
"I'm hysterical and I'm wet. I'm in pain and I'm wet, and I'm still hysterical."
"I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them long winter evenings."
"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."
"Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with, with geometric logic, that, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist."
(Perhaps one of his best acting moments in his career.)
"Well, I'll tell you the truth now. I ain't a real cowboy, but I am one helluva stud."
(God, I can just hear how he says it!!)
"Listen, I - I appreciate this whole seduction scene you got going, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing."
- "You're not the man I knew ten years ago."
- "It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage."
- "You're not gonna stick around for your share?"
- "Naah, I'd only blow it."
"It was my privilege to know him and to make him known to the world. He was a poet, a scholar, and a mighty warrior. He was also the most shameless exhibitionist since Barnum and Bailey."
"I was a better man with you, as a woman, than I ever was with a woman, as a man. Know what I mean? I just gotta learn to do it without the dress."
"Look at that! Look how she moves. That's just like Jell-O on springs. She must have some sort of built-in motors. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!"
- "I'm going to take a bath."
- "I'll alert the media."
"I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me."
(This is an obscure movie - but here's a clue. I have already referenced it here on this blog today!)
"I've never been alone with a man before - even with my dress on. With my dress off, it's most unusual. I don't seem to mind. Do you?"
"He used to be a big shot."
(God. What a moment.)
"A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl."
"Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me."
"Oh, oh, I've got a helmet. I've got a beauty."
"Only one thing counts in this life: Get them to sign on the line which is dotted...A. Always. B. Be. C. Closing. Always Be Closing."
"If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!"
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Mama, face it. I was the slut of all time."
"Hitler was better looking than Churchill, he was a better dresser than Churchill, he had more hair, he told funnier jokes, and he could dance the pants off of Churchill."
- "I'm in love with you."
- "Snap out of it!"
"I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating."
"You should be kissed - and often, and by someone who knows how."
"That's mighty brave talk for a one-eyed fat man."
"Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
"I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner."
- "Surely you can't be serious."
- "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."
"Sing out, men. We open at Leavenworth on Saturday night."
"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
"Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curveball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent crap...I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."
(I know, I know. It's an easy one. But still, I love it so.)
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
"Oh-oh-oh, sweet mystery of life - at last I found you!"
"I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies."
"So I got that going for me, which is nice."
"They call me Mister Tibbs."
(God. What a MOMENT.)
"Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?"
"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!"
"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."
"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms."
"I'd hate to take a bite out of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic."
"I've always been afraid of women." [Long pause.] "But I get over it."
"How does a girl like you get to be a girl like you?"
"I never drink...wine."
(This very good line was sent to me by Mark. Guess away. The pause, obviously, is very important.)
"There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don't you know that? And here you are. And it's a beautiful day."
"If just one time you could be sweet without money to it."
"Of course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough."
"That was the end of my religious period."
"You're not too smart, are you?"
"I like that in a man."
Thanks for playing, everybody!
Here's the last excerpt:
"Merry Christmas. "
"Merry Christmas to you, officer. "
"That obvious, huh? "
"It's practically stamped on your forehead. "
Or - if you Google, please do not supply the answer.
"I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. Guess I was wrong. You're not smarter, Walter... you're just a little taller. "
"Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?"
"You want me to kiss her?"
"Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people. "
"A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl."
The beauty of that monologue gets me every time. Gorgeous, haunting. Oops - forgot to mention one thing: I read some review of this film - cannot remember who, more's the pity - and this reviewer mentioned the monologue above. He went on to say, "I'll be a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that speech."
"I hope they don't hang you, precious, by that sweet neck. Yes, angel, I'm gonna send you over."
"Tiger, tiger. Drop that bottle. Drop it."
"I want you to know something Otto. "
"What? "
"Even if you were my brother I'd still want to f*** you. "
All of the following exchanges come from the same film. I have memorized this entire film.
"You don't wanna marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined and flabby!"
"Everyone gets wrinkled, lined and flabby!"
"By next week?"
____________________________________________
"I can't see!"
"Well, there's not much to see, really, we're inside a Chinese dragon."
____________________________________________
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."
____________________________________________
"Has anyone ever told you that you are very, very sexy?"
"Well, actually no."
"They never will."
____________________________________________
"Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself."
"What? Oh well, I'll probably say something like 'Hello there Mr Larabee. I'm Howard.'"
"You are not. "
"I am not Howard. "
"You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard" Anyone could say that! Anyone. "
"Anyone named Howard. "
"Alex and I made love the night before he died. It was fan-tas-tic. "
[Pause]
"He went out with a bang, not a whimper. "
"By the authority vested in me by Kaiser William II, I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution."
"Tear down that bitch of a bearing wall and put a window where it ought to be!"
"That was a priceless Steinway!"
"Not anymore."
"Dear - you are not middle-aged. I am middle-aged."
"How many 120 year old people do you know?"
"She tried to sit in my lap while I was standing up."
This game is probably going to end IMMEDIATELY - because I know I have so many cinephiles out there ... but it should be fun.
Just name the movie the quote comes from.
There are many below.
Go.
"Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."
"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together - and blow."
"Cats and dogs living together! Mass hysteria!"
"Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."
"You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"
"I want you to hold it between your knees."
"Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it."
"You shouldn't ask me for advice...When it comes to relationships with women, I'm the winner of the August Strindberg award."
(God. That just makes me LAUGH.)
"But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f**kin' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How'm I funny??...How the f**k am I funny? What the f**k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what's funny!..."
"I'm shocked - shocked to find that gambling is going on here!"
"I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen."
"We find the defendants incredibly guilty."
"You're tearing me apart!"
(I look at those words, so simple, so un-evocative - but all I can do is HEAR the way it was said in the film ... unbelievable.)
"I love you, Miss Kubelik..."
"Shut up and deal!"
"I'm afraid Mr. De Witt would find me boring before too long."
"You won't bore him, honey. You won't even get a chance to talk."
"Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?"
"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
"You don't understand! I could've had class. I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. Let's face it......It was you, Charley."
"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!"
"Why would a guy wanna marry a guy?"
"Security."
"Hello, everybody. This is Mrs. Norman Maine."
(Goodness, I just get choked up typing those words!!)
"I just want to say one word to you - just one word.... 'plastics.'"
"I am big. It's the pictures that got small."
This is my last post on Macedonia. This one is about all of the wars of the 20th century, wars where Macedonia and its position in the region played crucial parts - not just on the war-stage but in people's imaginations as well.
This war ended with Turkey's influence dissolving. Serbian troops occupied Skopje (the capital of Macedonia, which, to this day, apparently, has a very Turkish feel to it: mosques, minarets, bazaars). The Greek army occupied their precious Salonika. And suddenly, Bulgaria found itself locked out of the region and couldn't collect the spoils of war.
Bulgaria completely believed (and perhaps still believes) that "Macedonia" was a fabrication. The way Palestinians think of "Israel" and do not include it on their maps. To Bulgarians, Macedonia belongs to Bulgaria.
But Serbia and Greece ganged up on Bulgaria, and shut them out of Macedonia. In the aftermath of the First Balkan War, they attempted to wipe out all Bulgarian influence in Macedonia.
Macedonia filled up with Greek or Serb publicists, who began bombarding the population with a propaganda war. "You are REALLY Serbs..." "No, you are REALLY Greeks..."
Not only was this a war of words, but it was also coercive and violent. The Serbs gave the Macedonians 24 hours to renounce their nationality and proclaim themselves Serbian. The Greeks did the same. People were murdered who refused to choose.
The Bulgarian population in the country was terrorized. Bulgarian priests were given the choice: convert or die. Colonists from Serbia and Greece poured into the country. People in Macedonia pretty much spoke Bulgarian; however now the Serbs and the Greeks quickly started printing their own newspapers in their own languages, insisting that people bury their Bulgar tongue. Not even admitting that it could be a problem.
To Greece, also, Macedonia was made-up, a fabrication. To Greeks Macedonia was actually REALLY part of Greece, so the fact that everybody spoke Bulgarian in the country was something to be ignored and covered up.
Meanwhile, of course, Bulgaria, right next door, was enraged. They did not negotiate, they did not say "We are going to declare war on all of you", they did not give any warning. On June 13, 1913, Bulgaria invaded Macedonia. This was the start of the Second Balkan War.
The Second Balkan War: 1913.
This war did not last long. The Serbs and the Greeks helped each other out, reinforcing each other's troops against the Bulgarians. The Romanians joined the war, on the side of the Serb-Greek alliance, and invaded Bulgaria from the north. The battle was over very quickly, with Bulgaria the clear loser.
There was a peace conference a couple of months later, in which Bulgaria lost everything it had gained in the First Balkan War. It had gained an outlet to the Aegean, it had gained lands in Thrace, it had enveloped all of Macedonia. All of this was taken back. It was a humiliating defeat which would end up having global consequences.
World War I:
Bulgaria enters the war on the side of Germnay and Austria-Hungary in 1915. Its main goal was (surprise, surprise) to gain back all of Macedonia from Serbia. (Okay, Bulgaria, I think it's time to just let it go...)
Serbia had allied itself with Russia, Great Britain, and France.
The Habsburg army advanced through Serbia from the north while the Bulgarian army marched through Macedonia in the east. The Serbian army was trapped, with no backup supplies, no ammo, no vehicles. It was winter, too. The Serbs retreated into the freezing Albanian mountains.
Robert Kaplan has this to say about that retreat:
It was one of history's most harrowing winter retreats, ranking with those of Napoleon's soldiers from Russia the century before and of Xenophon's Greek troops from Mesopotamia in 401 B.C. into the mountains of Anatolia.
The remnants of the Serb army had retreated to Albania's coast on the Adriatic, where they were rescued and transported away to Corfu by French and Italian ships. We are talking about over 125,000 Serbians. This was a devastating defeat for them, humiliating, all of them fleeing for their lives from the Habsburgs and the Bulgarians.
So from then on, throughout the rest of World War I, trench warfare raged up and down Macedonia, with the French/Greek/Serb alliance, along with the British, warring against the Habsburgs and the Bulgarians. Things went on in this way for over two more years.
Then the war ended, with basically nothing changed for the Bulgarians: They lost all of Macedonia to the Serbs and the Greeks. All of these wars were like the movie "Groundhog Day" for Bulgaria. They kept starting wars to regain Macedonia, and they kept losing these wars, no better off than when they began.
World War II:
This war, of course, was a reply to World War I. Nothing had been resolved, no one was at peace with the outcome, everyone was dying to start the whole thing up again. And so they did.
Bulgaria (whaddya know) joined up with the Germans so that they could crush the Serbs and take back Macedonia. So this time, the Germans occupied Serbia from the north, and the Bulgarians occupied Macedonia from the east. And, in typical "Groundhog Day" fashion, the Serb and Greek alliance (with the help of Britain) fought the hated Bulgarians, and drove them back to the "hated borders" established at the end of the Second Balkan War.
But before the Bulgarians were driven out of Macedonia, and before the Russians swooped in, making all of this irrelevant, the Bulgarians and their occupation troops in Macedonia, began a brutal process of "Bulgarization" of the Macedonian population. Now, one more voice was added to the clamor, trying to tell the Macedonians who they are: "You are Serbs..." "You are Greeks...don't listen to them!!" "You are Bulgarians!" The Bulgarians were particularly savage in this arena. First of all, they gladly rounded up the Jewish population for the Germans and shipped them off. In all of the other wars, while all of these wackos were arguing over Macedonia, like kids playing tug-of-war on the playground, the Jews remained protected. There was no question.
With World War II, the gloves came off.
Now this is interesting: Because of how the Serbs and the Greeks had behaved during the First Balkan War, there had always been a pro-Bulgaria sway to the Macedonian population. With World War II that tide turned.
However, Macedonia did not sway back to the Serb or Greek side of the argument. They suddenly discovered their "Macedonian-ness". They began to feel like Macedonians, rather than people separated from whatever homeland they related to. Now, this is a debatable matter. Bulgarians, Greeks, and Serbs all scorn this "Macedonian-ness". It is made up, according to them. There IS no indigenous Macedonian culture or identity. It is all Bulgarian, or Serbian, or Greek. But this fierce "Macedonian-ness" continues to this day.
With the madness of World War II, the Macedonians finally had HAD it with their country being invaded, chopped up, argued over. They went on the offensive, for the glory of "Macedonia", and they demanded territory back from Bulgaria and Greece.
Skip ahead to 1989, and the disintegration of the Yugoslav Federation:
Macedonia feels cheated. Macedonia is pissed. There are huge populations of Macedonians who live outside their borders, in Bulgaria, or Greece. They want to liberate their countrymen. They want to be united with their kind. This is the dangerous powder keg sitting here in the Balkans. It is just a matter of time before it ignites. These people are used to hating. They have long long memories, and they NEVER forgive.
And it seems, too, that the Macedonians are slipping off into fantasy-land a bit. (But then again - who am I to say - it is a bit unfair of me to judge them - when I do not know what it is like there, and where they are coming from.) But here's my opinion: they have "rediscovered" a Macedonian language, which is, basically, a version of Bulgarian, but they can't call it that, because then they would have to admit that their ethnicity is a mix. This is unacceptable. These Macedonian nationalists believe that Istanbul was once a part of Macedonia, etc. All these other fantasies about that beautiful and perfect time in the past when Macedonia was not a victim of all of these greater forces, but the victimizer.
And I'll close with a quote from Robert Kaplan's Balkan Ghosts, my primary source for all of this.
And on the walls near the Greek Consulate in Skopje [capital of Macedonia], I noticed the grafitti: 'Solun is ours!'Solun is the Macedonian word for Salonika, Greece's second largest city. Such demonstrations of irredentism were to unleash a wave of hostility in Greece -- so much so that, even when the new Macedonian state that declared its independence from Yugoslavia officially renounced all claims to Greek territory, it still wasn't enough for the Greeks, who feared that the very word Macedonia on the lips of these Slavs was a sign of future irredentism against Greece. When Greece demanded that Macedonia change its name in order to receive official recognition from Greece, the rest of the world laughed. The heart of the Greek argument, however, was better explained in the articles written by the scholar Kofos than it ever was by the Greek government through the media. Kofos writes that Macedonianism was an invention of Tito to serve as a cultural buttress against Bulgaria, which coveted the area. According to Kofos, this part of former Yugoslavia is actually southern Serbia. True, perhaps; but rightly or wrongly, these Slavs now consider themselves Macedonians, not Serbs, and both the Greeks and the Serbs must come to terms with that fact.
The upshot of this mess is that the Balkans have, in the 1990s, reverted to the same system of alliances that existed in 1913, at the time of the Second Balkan War: Greece, Serbia, and Romania versus Bulgaria and the Slavs of Macedonia.
The boomerang of history.