Nanoseconds after hearing the parents car leave the driveway, Id bellow KUNG FU!!! at the top of my lungs and me and the kids would commence to lightly kicking each other in the face for an hour or two, until they were either exhausted or unconscious, and I could just chuck em in bed and commence to the good stuff: the sweet spot between beddy-bye and parental return where I made good money gorging on snacks, hunting for the porno stash, and soaking up that sweet, sweet cable TV with no adult oversight.
Categories
Archives
-
-
-
-
Recent Posts
- 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- “I don’t represent anything.” — Liz Phair
- “I don’t really know why, but danger has always been an important thing in my life – to see how far I could lean without falling, how fast I could go without cracking up.” — William Holden
- “Some syllables are swords.” — Metaphysical poet Henry Vaughan
- “To me, music is no joke and it’s not for sale.” — Ian MacKaye
- “All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.” — Charlie Chaplin
- “As a cinematographer, I was always attracted to stories that have the potential to be told with as few words as possible.” — Reed Morano
- “Even though I’m writing about very dark material, it still feels like an escape hatch.” — Olivia Laing
- “It’s just one of the mysteries of filmmaking that sometimes you do something that you don’t even think it’s important, then it turns out to be.” — Lili Horvát
- “Ballet taught me to stay close to style and tone. Literature taught me to be concerned about the moral life.” — Joan Acocella
Recent Comments
- sheila on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- sheila on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- Mike Molloy on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- Scott Abraham on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- sheila on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- Scott Abraham on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- sheila on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- Mike Molloy on 2026 Shakespeare Reading Project: Much Ado About Nothing
- sheila on March 2026 Snapshots
- sheila on “I don’t really know why, but danger has always been an important thing in my life – to see how far I could lean without falling, how fast I could go without cracking up.” — William Holden
- Jessie on March 2026 Snapshots
- Helen Erwin Schinske on “To me, music is no joke and it’s not for sale.” — Ian MacKaye
- Maddy on “I don’t really know why, but danger has always been an important thing in my life – to see how far I could lean without falling, how fast I could go without cracking up.” — William Holden
- sheila on “To me, music is no joke and it’s not for sale.” — Ian MacKaye
- Helen Erwin Schinske on “To me, music is no joke and it’s not for sale.” — Ian MacKaye
- Joseph Pedulla on Susan Hayward Sleeps Raw
- sheila on “For I am of the seed of the WELCH WOMAN and speak the truth from my heart.” — Christopher Smart
- P Nickel on “The realization of ignorance is the first act of knowing.” — Jean Toomer
- Melissa Sutherland on “For I am of the seed of the WELCH WOMAN and speak the truth from my heart.” — Christopher Smart
- Bryce on The Books: “Nine Stories”- ‘The Laughing Man’ (J.D. Salinger)
-
I saw that this morning and thought, “Sheila hasn’t posted this yet. . .waiting. . .waiting. . .” :)
Hilarious.
So so funny. The zombie movies, etc. And the ice cream between 2 pop tarts. hahahahaha
There is not enough Suicidal Tendencies on the internet. Thank God for Patrick Hughes.
I am right now leaving my house on a quest for a cooter hose and a woman with a lawn and garden fetish.
Jay –
Maybe try the personals on Craig’s List!
Oh no. I think this will require a face to face sit down discussion with the proper woman. You know…because of the nuance
“Cooter hose” is extremely nuanced, you’re right.
Sheila, Child Bride of Short Creek? I think I’m in love with you again. That movie is seared SEARED into my memory and I believe that it has been buzzing around the back of my head ever since I saw it. You gonna be my sister wife…
Patrick – for years, I feel like I was the only person who saw that film!! It is also SEARED onto my brain.
Between this and finding another person who likes Eddie From Ohio this weekend it seems as though my life is quickly working toward some magical climax.
Kids today! Why when I was a sophomore in High School, HBO hadn’t even invented Cinemax, yet and only the rich people in major cities had cable (anyone remember the cable control box with one row of buttons and a level switch to go from the “low” cable channels (20 maybe), to the “high” cable channels?)
VCRs cost thousands of dollars, and our only porn available, outside a theater, was Super 8 movies… I still remember a disastrous Friday night when one kid got a hold of one of these movies, and the bulb burned out halfway through the movie… I, I, I just can’t re-live what I saw that night, it’s just too horrific. But needless to say: Drunk, horny teenagers should not try to perform Super 8 projector maintenance.
Super 8 Projector Maintenance would be a great name for a band.
Well, I saw the horror that was Child Bride of Short Creek on network television, I know that.
Hey, Sheila, I imdb’ed (to coin a new word) that movie, and I find it interesting that you’d remember Helen Hunt, but not Diane Lane who was on the cover of Time Magazine. Yeah, Helen Hunt might have been relatively ubiquitous on made-for-TV movies during this time, but nobody knew her name. Whereas Diane Lane was the next big star (which turned out to be premature, at least for the next four years) Then again, teenage Helen Hunt still looked like older Helen Hunt… Just looked up the cover photo of Diane Lane:
Lane
That doesn’t look like the mature Ms. Lane, or for that matter Streets of Fire Diane Lane either. (Actually, the 2006 Lane looks much closer to the 1984 Lane than the 1979 Lane)
Yeah – no I remembered Diane Lane – I actually remember a lot of people in that movie – but the Helen Hunt character was the really tragic one, and therefore I remembered her more. Or – no, she just made more of an impression on me as a 12 year old. She wasn’t the lead, she was the SECOND lead – and you just rooted for her!! She was the one who ALMOST got away but did not.
And Christopher Atkins, of Blue Lagoon – er – fame?? – played the love interest of Diane Lane.
It was the story of 2 Mormon kids who lived on this compound and tried to have their own love affair – teenage stuff – as opposed to having her be married off to some 80 year old letch.
helen hunt played the rebellious best friend – who was always getting in trouble, and wearing lipstick, and yadda yadda.
I cannot believe how much I remember of that movie. I was obviously too young to see it, and therefore that is why it is emblazoned in my brain!!
I love, by the way, that Diane Lane’s career has had such a renaissance. Perhaps not to the level of 1979!! But still! Unfaithful was kind of dumb, but she was pheNOMenal in it … Just nice to see!! That she didn’t “peak” at age 13. I actually was never really a Helen Hunt fan – but damn, I will always remember her from that creepy Mormon TV movie from when she was a teenager, and how much her performance ripped at my heart!
Also, I might add that it was somewhat shattering to see Mr. Drummond – kindly generous MR. DRUMMOND – play a Mormon patriarch, married to prepubescent girls.
Shattering!!
Can I tell you how happy it makes me that someone has now placed Child Bride of feckin’ Short Creek on their Netflix list – due to my comment on Patrick’s blog??
I .. have no words. I am so proud.
I am now commenting on my own blog like a maniac –
You’re right, JFH, about Helen Hunt’s looks – even when she was 11, 12 … she had almost the same face she does now. Totally recognizable.
My parents LOVED Lonesome Dove… And sent me series on video tape, as I was underwater at the time (that’s literal, BTW). I saw the first episode of the mini-series, and thought, “I know that prostitute!” (Hopefully, those words will never be uttered by me again). It was Diane Lane, again, 4-5 years after her roles in Rumble Fish, Streets of Fire and The Cotton Club. I thought, “Wow, can’t keep a good actor down”. (Okay, I’m lying; I thought, “Great, Hollywood can’t keep a good-looking woman off the screen for long”… but the sentiment is the same.)
Okay, since no one else is commenting I have to make the obligitory comment (otherwise, we’d be violating all sorts of blogging rules):
Mr. Drummond as a polygamist an exploiter of young women?…
Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Sheila?
Well, you know how it is, JFH. The world don’t move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you, or for me, or Sheila, might not be right for some…
“I know that prostitute!” hahahahaha
And yeah for Rumblefish!!!
Nightfly and JFH – I cannot express how happy and safe it makes me feel to hear your Dif’rent Strokes references.
Wasn’t Diane Lane on the cover of Time for being in Bugsy Malone? Was that the name — a movie about gangsters starring kids?
Jodie Foster was in Bugsy Malone – I don’t think Diane Lane was in it?? JFH? It was Jodie Foster and (ahem) Scott Baio. I loved that movie – member they had little cars that they pedaled – sorta like Fred Flintstone??
I believe Diane Lane was on the cover of Time because of her first movie – A Little Romance. With this cast of GIANTS – like Lawrence Olivier, and such – but she was the star of it, and made a huge splash.
Not sure, though – I’ve actually never seen Little romance.
You’re right; it was Jodie Foster. I thought her at first, but then I thought, “No, she was too old then” so I figured Diane Lane.
I think I’ve told you before, but I went to a taping of the American Teen TV show once at Six Flags in STL, and saw Scott Baio, Willie Aames, and Jimmy MacNichol IN THE FLESH not three feet away.
You can imagine.
Good GOD.
I honestly don’t know how you even went ON in life after that!!
It was the peak, I have to admit.
Also, that dude that played Mike on Fish was there and my friend met him outside the bathroom. He’s some sort of famous director now, I think. Michael Lembeck.
If Ralph Macchio had been there, i would have had some kind of brain hemorrhage.
I looooooved Fish … I should write about it. I had a very deep weird psychological response to that rather short-lived show. I kinda wanted to live in that house with those people.
Much earlier issue, I’m pretty sure, Lisa, but I do remember that one too. Must have been a three page article about a movie that 30 years later people would say to you:
“Wait, a big budget movie and it’s all kids… acting like 30s gangsters… and Jodie Foster who was nominated for an Academy Award already (a year before??) agreed to be in it?? Oh, sure, y’all were high in the 70s, I forgot…
Want to know something scary? I still remember a Scott Baio quote in which he was disappointed that they (the producers) didn’t let him keep his hat that he wore in the movie.
JFh – that is absolutely priceless information about the hat – Baio bein’ all pissy about it! hahahahaha Come on, Chachi. Chill out. Live it up, this’ll be the last time you STAR in a film.
I actually remember liking Bugsy Malone but I was 12 the last time I saw it, so factor that in.
And speaking of Jimmy MacNichol, I can only remember one movie he was in… a made-for-TV thing called (I think) Champions – A Love Story. Think The Cutting Edge with worse acting (if you can picture that). Jimmy’s character dies at the end (for some reason he’s flying somewhere without her and the runways are icy (Damn that Carter era airline deregulation!!) So the girl, who was originally a singles skater goes back to singles and wins a medal (I think).
You sure you were 12, Sheila? Was pretty sure I wasn’t older than 15 when the movie came out, and I’m 6 years older than you.
No, I’m not sure – that was just a random age I pulled out. I know the HOUSE I was living in when I saw it … and we moved FROM there when I was 12. That’s why I said 12.
Lisa – I just read your comment over at Patrick’s and LAUGHED OUT LOUD.
You know what I love? How so many of us were “not allowed” to do this or that – and so babysitting gave us a chance to really LET LOOSE! hahahahaha
I know! What was so funny is that my parents had no problem with me hearing those songs on the radio; I just couldn’t own the soundtrack. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that THE ENTIRE SOUNDTRACK, more or less, was in the Top 10, so I’d basically already heard it a million times.
That was what? 1977? So I was 12 and I babysat those kids pretty much every weekend. They were 9 and 6, I think. I can’t imagine any parent today letting a 12-year-old babysit anyone. Much less until midnight or after like I did. (The parents were big party people — I heard my mom tell her friends that they were “swingers.” Bwah.)
It’s possible I would leave Mr. Tanya for Bad News Hughes.
He is indeed a catch. :)