Straight From the Horse’s Mouth

My huge extended family is planning a gathering at a beach in Massachusetts called Horseneck. There are about 40 people copied on the emails. At first, the emails were strictly information: Where, When, etc. Then, on July 4th, the mayhem began with a joke from my brother. Someone responded. Someone responded to that. 40 people all appeared to be online at the same time. It was hard to keep up with what was happening. I love how some people clearly missed out on the beginning of the joke, and then signed on to see 19 emails waiting for them, read through the whole thread, and then threw their cap into the ring with a joke. This is all very stupid, and very US, and it clearly could have gone on for days. Here is the thread, as best as I can recreate it.

Brendan:
I am allergic to horsenecks.

Siobhan:
Is it their dander?

Aunt Katy:
Neigh, ’tis not.

Uncle Tim:
Quite a swishy tale (tail) you tell.

Aunt Anne:
Dander is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Straight from the hortney’s mouth.

Just neighing in…

Cousin Olivia:
Equine figure out which horse pun to use…

Cousin Jay:
Unfortunately, I will be back in the saddle flying that day…

Great-Aunt Joan:
You’re all crazy! But what fun! Especially to figure out who’s who! And JT, didn’t know or didn’t remember that you’re married, Jay! Be careful on that saddle! Congrats! And love ‘n prayers to ya’ll! Aunt Joan (O’Brien)

Cousin Kelly:
Gosh it feels like we haven’t been to Horseneck in a “yearling”! We will be there for a “bit”…Looking forward to seeing everyone!!

Me:
It beHOOVES me to say I am sorry I can’t make it.

Aunt Katy:
I’m gonna be there, but not furlong.

Uncle Tim:
And I will leave a bit earlier.

Uncle Tim:
Daughter Kelly stole my line. I did not mean to stir up trouble.

Aunt Katy:
Tim, I reckon it sounds like yer tryin’ to stirrup some trouble…

Uncle Tim:
OMG, I beat u to the stirrup by 15 seconds. We have to rein this in.

Me:
well, don’t jump the gun now!

Cousin Kelly:
Really, do whatever Behooves you!

Me:
The most important thing is is that we all reMANE calm.

Aunt Katy:
(Just a brief aside to comment that none of us seem to have anything to do on this fourth of july holiday. Hardy har har.) Note: no horse pun contained in this email. Shit. (oops! there’s one)

Cousin Cecily:
Getting to Horseneck will be a CINCH but keeping up with these unBRIDLED and clever emails is the tricky part.

Cousin Kathleen:
Let us know if anyones wants to hitch a ride from the south shore….

Me:
that’s very nice, but I don’t want to saddle anyone else with my baggage.

Cousin Kelly:
I just CANTer decide whether to wear my bathingsuit on the ride to Horseneck, or change when I get there?

Aunt Katy:
Why don’t you just trot out your new birthday suit?

Aunt Maryann:
I sure hope someone remembers to CRACK THE WHIP and figure out who’s bringin the FEED!

Cousin Jay:
Do you want us to pony up some dough for that feed?

Cousin Olivia:
I picked a bad day to quit reading.

Jean:
You guys better rein it in…

Brendan:
All this jockeying for position is making me feel like there’s a 78 pound man on my back.

Cousin Jay:
I might have blinders on, but woooooooah this is funny!

Me:
Oh, forget it. We’re just horsing around.

Jean:
Doesn’t matter if you WIN this horsey debate which is all over the PLACE…as long as you SHOW up to the beach!

Brendan:
I might not be able to make the Horseneck party…let me check my schedule with my secretariat.

Cousin Cecily:
Oh jeez, I guess I’ll have another…crack at this, why not?

Cousin Susan’s husband Ed chimes in:
Sadly, i have to pull the TRIGGER and say that ed and susan can’t make it from ohio.

Cousin Lisa:
BUMMER…we will all miss Susan and “Mr. Ed!”

Cousin Kelly:
WINNY are these silly horse referencing emails going to end?!

Aunt Katy:
When we all finally ‘geddap’ and do something else.