Dying to be fired? Don’t want to quit? Just submit your reasons here to Please Fire Me. Whatever your reason, scroll through all the entries (I have been guffawing with laughter), and you will realize you are not alone. It’s stuff like this, the universality of it, that made Joshua Ferris’s And Then We Came To the End such a powerful (and hilarious) book.
“Please fire me. The new sales guy will not stopping leaning in through my office door and air guitaring Led Zeppelin, his favorite all time band.”
“Please fire me. At customer service training, the HR woman leading the session responded to a comment about playing to oneâs strengths with, ‘Well itâs like that old saying: âOntoâ¦thyselfâ¦whatever.â”
“Please fire me. Our HR girl overheard me describing the plot of The Road to a co-worker. You know, the book about survivors of nuclear Armageddon who are being chased across a deserted America by anarchist cannibals. She asked, ‘Was that based on a true story?'”
Don’t Quit. Just Press Submit.
Hahahahahahaha. “Onto … thyself… whatever.”
I can’t stop laughing.
Thank a lot Sheila. It’s 1am and I’m on the road to reading every single one of them.
My Fave so far:
“Please fire me. My boss ordered me to find out how to obtain a medical marijuana license 15 minutes before she had to leave for an AA meeting.”
tracey – hahahahahaha
Alex – I know, I had to read through the whole thing, too. So funny!!!! I love how it’s never really about the JOB – it’s always about the PEOPLE. “Please fire me. My coworker drives me nuts.”
Thanks for this. My favorite was “I got an email from a co-worker asking if eating cotton candy elicits as much happiness as riding on a Ferris wheel.” I think that’s a legitimate question.
I have forwarded the link to my co-worker, and I know she will appreciate it more than I do. I work in a small office, and we recently had a situation where someone associated with our organization (but not employed by us) put together a flyer for an event we’re sponsoring. They not only spelled hors d’oeuvres wrong (they spelled it “hor’devours”), and didn’t use our correct logo, but they put “All Our Welcome” instead of “All ARE Welcome.” Then they got mad when we told them they had to correct it. “Well I GOOGLED how to spell hors d’oeuvres.” You don’t GOOGLE how to spell something. They make a dictionary for that purpose. Geesh!
Working in an office is often like working in Wonderland. Sometimes imagining myself as Alice is the only way I can get through without pulling my hair out.
More a please fire her.
We had a potluck in the office yesterday. Every year we do one around this time and gear it toward different themes. We’re supposed to cook foods supporting the theme and bring a fact or something interesting that deals with the topic. This year our theme was Black History Month, we cooked soul food and were supposed to be ready to share our facts.
We got our plates and started talking about our different things. Being Memphis and having some Memphians in the office, there were some pretty interesting stuff shared. However, one coworker didn’t have anything prepared but just decided to talk about something she knew about her home town. Keep in mind that this is a U.S. Navy officer, a lieutenant commander.
She tells us that her home town was the last capital of the Confederate States. No big whoop there, neat fact, but then she says, “Oh, it was because Thomas Jefferson, er, Davis, er Thomas Jefferson Davis was traveling all through the south and wound up there before, you know, Custer surrendered.”
Facepalm.
Please fire me. My co-workers spent all day analyzing rap lyrics.
This could be me. My boss, bless his heart, does not get rap and/or hip-hop AT ALL. So every time a song comes on the radio, I hear some comment about, “How is that music?” and “Do you really think that’s a SONG?” ::heavy sigh::
I chalk it up to a generation gap, but seriously. STOP COMMENTING ON EVERY SONG.
Thanks for the link. hahahahahahaha
This is my favorite:
Please fire me. My team leader took a digital picture of everyoneâs face and pasted it onto an animal cutout. Now each employee is a different animal on the âproductivityâ board. Whoever does the most work each week gets one step closer to the piece of meat your animal likes to eat that is glued to the other end of the poster. Iâm the bison.
This one is my favorite:
Please fire me. I make spreadsheets of my favorite snack foods weekly and distribute them to the office – no one even opens them because I title them âEGOFinal-Q1-2010â. Iâve been doing this for about a month and received a compliment from my boss the other day about my âE-G-O Reportsâ.
Thanks for sharing this site, Sheila!
Ann – hahaha the snack foods!!! My mother and sister Jean came down last night for Siobhan’s show -and they had been reading through all of them as well, and we all just could not stop laughing.
My Fav…
Please fire me. My boss asked me to stop forwarding him applications of those who have âPolish-sounding namesâ because heâs ânot going to bother with those idiotsâ. Iâm Polish.
Too Funny!
Ask not for whom the bell tolls….