Next book in my Daily Book Excerpt:
Next play on the script shelf:
Blind Date
This one-act makes me laugh out loud. Sarah Nancy is a young girl of 15, visiting her aunt and uncle, again in Harrison Texas. (Horton Foote sets most of his plays in a fictional small town in Texas called Harrison) The aunt, Dolores, has very specific ideas about how a young lady should act. Sarah Nancy lives up to none of these ideals. She is not girlie, she is not “peppy”, she is blunt and sarcastic, if she is bored she will definitely let you know. She doesn’t play the game. Dolores is beside herself, trying to train Sarah Nancy right. (The play takes place in the 50s). She sets Sarah Nancy up on a blind date with a young man named Felix. Sarah Nancy is horrified and PISSED, but Dolores insists. (The date between the two of them, when it finally comes off, is just CLASSIC. Funny, ridiculous, and then eventually – kind of moving – and these two misfits, being bossed around by their families, connect).
Anyway, here is the scene where Dolores gives Sarah Nancy a list of appropriate topics of conversation to use on a date. She thinks Sarah Nancy needs to learn to converse, and so she draws up a list. This list, of course, ends up coming back to bite poor aunt Dolores in the ass when Sarah Nancy is actually on her date with Oscar …But here is the scene where Dolores tries to drum the list into Sarah Nancy’s head. You can see that the training session will be an uphill battle.
EXCERPT FROM Blind Date
DOLORES. Now where were we? Oh yes. I was going over my list of things to talk about. (Dolores picks up her list and begins reading) One: Who is going to win the football game next Friday? Two: Do you think we have had enough rain for the cotton yet? Three: I hear you were a football player in high school. What position did you play? Do you miss football? Four: I hear you are an insurance salesman. What kind of insurance do you sell? Five: What is the best car on the market today, do you think? Six: What church do you belong to? Seven: Do you enjoy dancing? Eight: Do you enjoy bridge? (She puts the list down) All right, that will do for a start. Now let’s practice. I’ll be Felix. Now. Hello, Sarah Nancy. (a pause. Sarah Nancy looks at her like she thinks she’s crazy) Nnow what do you say, Sarah Nancy?
SARAH NANCY. About what?
DOLORES. About what? About what you say when someone says hello to you, Sarah Nancy. Now let’s start again. Hello, Sarah Nancy.
SARAH NANCY. Hello.
DOLORES. Honey, don’t just say hello and above all don’t scowl and say hello. Smile. Hello, how very nice to see you. Let me feel your warmth. Now will you remember that? Of course you will. All right, let’s start on our questions. Begin with your first question. (A pause) I’m waiting, honey.
SARAH NANCY. I forgot.
DOLORES. Well, don’t be discouraged. I’ll go over the list carefully and slowly again. One: Who is going to win the football game next Friday? Two: Do you think we have had enough rain for the cotton yet? Three: I hear you were a football player in high school. What position did you play? Do you miss football? Four: I hear you are an insurance salesman. What kind of insurance do you sell? Five: What is the best car on the market today, do you think? Six: What church do you belong to? Seven: Do you enjoy dancing? Eight: Do you enjoy bridge? Now we won’t be rigid about the questions, of course. You can ask the last question first if you want to.
SARAH NANCY. What’s the last question again?
DOLORES. Do you enjoy bridge?
SARAH NANCY. I hate bridge.
DOLORES. Well then, sweetness, just substitute another question. Say, do you enjoy dancing?
SARAH NANCY. I hate dancing.
DOLORES. Now you don’t hate dancing. You couldn’t hate dancing. It is in your blood. Your mother and daddy are both beautiful dancers. You just need practice is all. Now …
SARAH NANCY. Why didn’t you get me a date with Arch Leon? I think he’s the cute one.
DOLORES. He’s going steady, honey, I explained that.
SARAH NANCY. Who is he going steady with?
DOLORES. Alberta Jackson.
SARAH NANCY. Is she cute?
DOLORES. I think she’s right cute, a little common looking and acting for my taste.
SARAH NANCY. He sure is cute.
DOLORES. Well, Felix Robertson is a lovely boy.
SARAH NANCY. I think he’s about as cute as a warthog.
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy.
SARAH NANCY. I think he looks just like a warthog.
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy, precious …
SARAH NANCY. That’s the question I’d like to ask him. How is the hogpen, warthog?
DOLORES. Precious, precious.
SARAH NANCY. Anyway, they are all stupid.
DOLORES. Who, honey?
SARAH NANCY. Boys.
DOLORES. Precious, darling.
SARAH NANCY. Dumb and stupid. (she starts away)
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy, where in the world are you going?
SARAH NANCY. I’m going to bed.
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy, what is possessing you to say a thing like that? You’re just trying to tease me.
SARAH NANCY. Oh no I’m not. (She starts away)
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy, you can’t go to bed. You have a young man coming to call on you at any moment. You have to be gracious …
SARAH NANCY. I don’t feel like being gracious. I’m sleepy. I’m going to bed.
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy, you can’t. Do you want to put me in my grave? The son of one of your mother’s dearest friends will be here at any moment to call on you, and you cannot be so rude as to go to bed and refuse to receive him. Sarah Nancy, I beg you. I implore you.
SARAH NANCY. Oh, all right. (She sits down) Ask me some questions.
DOLORES. No, dear. You ask me some questions.
SARAH NANCY. What church do you attend?
DOLORES. That’s lovely. That’s a lovely question to begin wtih. Now I’ll answer as Felix will. Methodist.
SARAH NANCY. That’s a dumb church.
DOLORES. Sarah Nancy.
SARAH NANCY. I think it’s a dumb church. It’s got no style. We used to be Methodist but we left for Episcopal. They don’t rant and rave in the Episcopal church.
DOLORES. And they don’t rant and rave in the Methodist church either, honey. Not here. Not in Harrison.
SARAH NANCY. Last time I was there they did.
DOLORES. Well, things have changed. Anyway, you’re not supposed to comment when he answers the questions, you’re just supposed to sit back and listen to the answers as if you’re fascinated and find it all very interesting.
SARAH NANCY. Why?
DOLORES. Because that’s how you entertain young men, graciously. You make them feel you are interested in whatever they have to say.
SARAH NANCY. Suppose I’m not?
DOLORES. Well, it is not important if you are or not, you are supposed to make them think you are.
How is the hogpen, warthog? heh heh heh
Naturally, Sarah Nancy is belligerent. Felix shows up at the door. He says, “Hi, I’m Felix” and she blurts at him, “What church do you attend?” It’s so feckin’ funny. No matter WHAT he says, she keeps to the script Aunt Dolores gave her … until finally, it all breaks down, and they actually start to talk to each other.
I’d like to purchase “Selected One-Act Plays of Horton Foote.” I am asuming these contain the scripts.
Yes – it’s a huge book. Click on the Amazon link included in the post and purchase from there.
How Dolores know Felix Robertson so well? And why she want set blind date with her niece and fleix Robertson together? To make her happy or what?
It really short play.
The play actually takes place in the 1930s, this can be deduced because the Rudy Vallee radio show was airing from 1929-1943.
It takes place in 1929 (per the playbook produced by Dramatists Play Service), I assume before the big crash. Harrison isn’t fictional either. It is a town 8 miles east of Waco, Tx