This is from my second year in grad school – and my roommate Jen and I threw a party.
Some of this might seem like gibberish – it was just my impressions in the aftermath of the party … but I re-read it this morning, in tears of laughter.
And I still love Wade. He was one of my best friends in school, he was a cocky talented sensitive dude from Texas, so so smart, and we were drawn to one another from the first day (we had a memorable excursion on 18th street after our first dance class – I didn’t even know him!) – I don’t know, he was a wild boy, a “bad” boy, I guess – and we clicked. He was irreverent. And FUNNY, man. I could talk to him about anything. He also is responsible for me becoming aware of this particular gentleman (http://www.fartingpreacher.org), and for that I am extremely grateful. He had it on video tape – Wade stayed with me for a couple of months – and we would sit on the floor, pop in the tape, and watch it over. And over. And over. And over. Sometimes we would smooch, you know … like high school teenagers … but then sometimes we didn’t. I don’t know. We were good friends. Wade is one of the funniest people I have ever met. And he is also very kind and deep and exciting to be around. (I haven’t seen Wade in years – I think not since then. Wade is a sort of peripheral star in this – one of the most popular posts I have ever written.)
The following diary entry makes me miss him.
DECEMBER
Last night’s party. A collage of impressions still flickers thru my brain today. Moments of sheer joy. Moments of awe: Look at everyone! Moments of sadness and acute loneliness. Hysterical shrieking laughter. Looking around at OUR APARTMENT filled with people. Awareness of life. How miraculous it seems. How did I get here? Look at the people in my life! Marcus. Wade. Jen. Who ARE these people? I LOVE them! Life is constantly evolving. You never know what’s gonna happen.
I had a party. I had a party and it wasn’t a totally hair-raising experience. I had fun. I let go.
I am so glad Brendan and Maria came. And Brett. A mixing of worlds which pleased me. Brett did Superman for all of my brand new friends. I watched Jen discover it. I have seen it a million times, but it still makes me howl. It was gorgeous! I love moments like that.
Colored lights in living room. Candles everywhere. Lots of food laid out. I was a hostess! Clip-clopping around my apartment in my velvet pants. Giorgio on my wrists, lighting candles, cooking pasta.
The living room looked beautiful. Festive. Comfy.
Rain coming down. Snow. Thunder. Lightning. Our guests dripping wet. It was a good group. A beautiful blend.
Jen is just the perfect roommate for me. We totally GET each other. She shares my issues with party-giving. She TOTALLY understands me. No judgment. We kept checking in with each other over the night. “How ya doin?” “No judgment!”
Leslie W. kept saying, âYou 2 have such nice patterns!â Meaning behaviorally. Nice patterns. Our feverish huddles of affirmation in the vestibule.
Hysterical laughter mixed with hysterical tears right before everyone arrived. Jen said, right at me: “I’m scared!” God, I love that. She fucking meant it. Then she slid down the wall. “I think I just have to cry a little bit.”
Also, when it was 2 minutes past our invite time, and no one had showed up yet, Jen announced, “I’m feeling fat and unpopular.”
Then, she looked around frantically at a room FILLED with people and wailed, “Nobody came!”
She said to me anxiously, “I just hope people have a good time.”
“Jen, I hope you have a good time.”
This struck her. She filled up with tears. “Thanks for saying that.”
And we did have a good time. Many magic moments.
J. came with desserts she had made and a Xmas carol CD. Bren and Maria did come, they weren’t going to. Having my worlds meet. Not as stressful as I thought. Wade meeting Maria. Brett meeting Marcus. Bren and Marcus hit it off.
The next morning over breakfast, Marcus said to Bren, “I think we could be friends.”
Marcus commenting on the natural slope of the floor, and advising people, “Don’t resist the floor.”
Music. Annie Lennox’s Diva. Bjork. The Beatles. Joan Armatrading.
Wade called me COLLECT and asked me for directions. My heart sang. He called me “hon”.
I walked into the living room, and Maria, Brett, and Marcus were sitting on the floor. Maria was talking and Marcus said to Maria, as I walked in: “That was a long-ass saga.”
Brett glanced up at me and said, “We asked Maria how she and Brendan met, and she started the story when she was 12.”
We all sat in the living room playing Celebrity. So much fucking fun.
During Celebrity, Maria, in trying to describe King Kong – said: “He’s a monkey! He’s the head of state!” Wade and I were just SCREAMING and rolling around laughing about that. Wade couldn’t stop repeating it. “He’s a monkey … he’s the head of state …” I am in love with Wade.
Celebrity went on raucously until around 3.
The party began dispersing. Various bedding down activities. A bunch of folks slept over. Brendan and Maria slept in our extra room (The Embassy in the Kingdom of Peace). Amy slept on the futon in the living room. Marcus slept with Jen. And Wade and Brett slept with me. The 3 of us in my bed. We tossed and turned simultaneously. Meaning we moved as one. I curled up against Wadeâs back in my bed, Brett curled up against my back, and we all fell asleep. At one point, I got up to go to the bathroom, and the sight, on coming back to my room, of Wade and Brett in my bed together, just made me LAUGH.
Wade had to get up and go to work. I set the alarm for him. It was a beautiful day, sun streaming thru the windows. Wade showered. I stood in the kitchen in my pjs, slumbering partiers all around me, the room ABLAZE with sunshine. Call me dysfunctional but it made me feel good to be able to do something for Wade.
We then did imitations of our jazz dance teacher in the kitchen.
Others started waking. Lazy morning. . 4 or 5 of us piled on my bed, sleepy-haired, rather hilarious. Wade stood in my doorway, Sammy was up on his shoulders, climbing around, meowing – and Wade was speaking in his faux German decadent accent: “Don’t smile, Sammy.”
I saw Wade to the door. As he left, he paused, glanced back into the apartment, relived the entire night in a momentâs time, and then exclaimed with gusto, “Man, I had a blast!”
I literally have NO MEMORY of this party. Marcus could be a 6’8″ Native American or a 5’2″ Puerto Rican. And yet we seemed to have a good time.
Marcus was Jen’s boyfriend – he was (and still is) a total doll.
He looks a little bit like Jesus – if Jesus were a jock, that is. Marcus never got out of running shorts, Tshirt and sneakers. He’s Greek.
You guys would definitely get along.
Very vague images coming now. Wow. Literally NO pictures in the ol’ noggin for this party.