In the past couple of weeks, a new epidemic is raging in the areas of the country pounded by snow. Is it a flu epidemic? An influenza epidemic? An epidemic of the common cold?
Actually, no.
It is an epidemic of “inappropriate” snowmen. People have begun making snowmen with penises or breasts, and ultra-sensitive members of the communities have complained to the authorities. I would have a hard time keeping a straight face making such a complaint. “Uh, yes, hello Officer. I am very upset. Something terrible is going on.” “What is it, ma’am? Is someone breaking into your house?” “No, it’s worse than that … I feel so VIOLATED.” “Has someone raped you, ma’am?” “No. But it’s just as big an outrage. I am staring now at a snowman with an erect penis, and I do not feel that I can continue to live in a community that practices such gender aggression.”
Actually, now that I think about it, it must have been quite a feat for the policemen who took such calls to keep a straight face!
It all began with the “pornographic” snowman at Harvard. The crew team, as a JOKE, made a snowman with an erect penis, and (naturally) offended the delicate sensibilities of feminists everywhere.
And then poor Crystal Lynn, of Ohio, built a snowman with breasts and created an uproar. Look at the picture of the offensive snowwoman and tell me if you feel offended by a slight swell of bosom. What the hell is going on here??
Feminists of this stripe want to kill language. Example: Amy E. Keel, who dismantled the snowman with a hard-on at Harvard: “It was offensive because it was pornographic. As a feminist, pornography is degrading to women and creates a violent atmosphere.”
To me, that sort of language doesn’t even sound real anymore.
Also, just a reminder: SHE IS TALKING ABOUT A SNOWMAN.
A SNOWMAN CREATING A VIOLENT ATMOSPHERE.
You gotta toughen up. I don’t believe that a society should cater to its most sensitive members. That is unrealistic, and creates not a violent atmosphere, no, no, not violent at all … but surrealistic.
I loved Crystal Lynn’s baffled comments about her snowwoman, and what SHE saw in her girlie-girl snowwoman: “She looked really good, like she was getting ready to go to a party.”
Breasts are not pornographic all on their own. Penises are not pornographic all on their own. They are just body parts.
But again, I must reiterate: we are talking about SNOWMEN.
People have lost their minds.
In the face of an indoctrinated-outraged-person I become a rabble-rousing politically-incorrect fiery-haired whirligig, saying stuff like, “I think Henry Miller is the bomb”, or “You know, Ronald Reagan was actually pretty smart.” I would have helped the crew team build that damn snowman, if I had been there. Just because it would have been a lark, and I enjoy a good laugh.
One last thing: In last month’s Vanity Fair, the 5-minute interview with various celebs (always on the last page of the magazine) was with Bill O’Reilly. The questions are blunt, fired off (probably by email), and the answers just as blunt. “What is your idea of heaven on earth?” “What’s the last book you read?” “What is your favorite kind of music?” And Bill O’Reilly (who I find sometimes amusing but mostly he has slid off the rails) was asked: “What qualities do you most admire in women?” And his answer was: “Having a sense of humor about sex.”
Yes.
