Curiosity and Eminem

My main online hangout these days is YouTube, scrolling around the “reactor” community. These people go in HARD to the songs they listen to, researching them, pulling up facts, trying to understand the context, so they can understand everything. This is what you’re supposed to do, this is how you’re supposed to read. You’re supposed to be open and curious and trying to figure out where the writer is coming from, so you can get into their groove. When people just read the headline and click off like “Oh. I already know what that’s about. And I hate/love it. And I won’t even read it but will Tweet it out” – you aren’t part of the problem, you ARE the problem. It’s somehow connected to the deep anti-intellectual strain in American culture, a true suspicion of being open to learning, of RECEIVING knowledge from someone who flat out knows more shit than you do. If there’s one thing all of my friends and all of my boyfriends have had in common it’s – well, sense of humor, particularly of the self-deprecating kind. So there’s that. But the MAIN thing is CURIOSITY. Curiosity always comes with a host of other “perks” – they seem to go together, so if you’re curious it always follows that:

1. You have empathy for others, or at least curiosity about where they might be coming from. This is hugely important. Curiosity is essential for democracy to work. Not exaggerating.
2. You LISTEN better than other people do. You’re not just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can then speak.
3. You pay attention to the small things, you have an appreciation for the moment because The Moment is where it’s AT.
4. You are always learning new things. Your mind is open and receiving. Learning is a lifelong process. My parents were like that. Everyone in my real life is like that. It’s so weird to meet someone who isn’t like that.
5. TMI time, family members stop reading: If you’re a grown adult man and you still have a sense of curiosity you’re probably good in the sack. It’s one of the “tells.” Why curiosity is a good thing when you go to bed with someone should be obvious.

Ya see? It’s all connected.

I’ve been struggling with where I want to hang out online. It’s become too toxic. I’m off Facebook. I’m mostly off Twitter. I go on Twitter in a completely selfish way, just to drop links. And then I’m off. Twitter is the worst. I need it since I’m a writer but I cannot bear the TONE of conversations there, not to mention not just the lack of curiosity but the HOSTILITY to curiosity. You can’t even ask a damn rhetorical question anymore because some jagoff thinks you actually want an answer. Like … I don’t hang out with people like that in my real life. I’m outta here!

YouTube is where it’s at. There are toxic corners, for sure, but the cultures I’ve tripped over – the “reactor” channels and the “commentary” channels are no bullshit. They do research, heavy research sometimes, and they value freedom of speech. Unless an actual crime is being committed by a YouTuber (which is actually unfolding right now with a certain famous YouTuber who seems to have used the platform to commit actual crimes – case still unfolding) – so, with that exception, among YouTubers it’s considered a big no-no to try to get someone’s channel shut down because you are offended by their content, or you don’t like what they say, because you wouldn’t want that to happen to you. Epic fights break out. People say horrible things about each other sometimes. There’s a lot of competition. But there isn’t a race to silence people – like you definitely see on Twitter – because there is an awareness on YouTube that freedom of speech has to go both ways, as messy as that sometimes is. And many of these YouTubers are Generation Z and younger. So they understand the complexity and also the blessing of freedom of speech. Hence: it’s raucous over there, and democratic in the truest sense of the word.

My current favorite is a channel run by two guys – filmmakers, animators, who appear to be lifelong friends – who do in-depth – and I mean IN-DEPTH, people – “breakdowns” of song lyrics, mostly in the hip hop genre. A lot of “reactor” channels are people reacting to songs they’ve never heard before, and I LOVE those. But these guys – who use the handle “Script Work” (get it?) – listen to songs they HAVE heard, and pause it every other line, sometimes every line, to discuss. They pick up stuff I never would have picked up, linguistic stuff, jokes, references. But sometimes songs inspire in-depth conversation about emotional stuff, childhood stuff, and they don’t hold back there either. The best rap game has layers, layers baked into the song linguistically. That’s the whole point: be the best with your words. Script Work also just flat out know hip hop way more than I could ever hope to, so they pick up references and basically SCHOOL me on what the hell someone might be talking about. “Oh yeah, member back in the 80s when so-and-so signed with such-and-such label and then this beef started up between this group and that group?” And I have no idea what they are talking about because I wasn’t listening to underground hip hop back then, but they’re teaching me. Watching these guys is like going to school. Member what I said about curiosity? I love these two because when I listen to them I get to go into a zone of curiosity, just like they do. Googling stuff, cross-referencing, etc. You can nerd OUT with curiosity.

So in these weird days of quarantine, where I’m stressed out and really struggling with my mental illness (this shit is HARD), I pull up one of their videos, bust out the lyrics sheet, listen to the song being discussed (once through), and then sit back and listen to these guys break it DOWN. Their “Eminem” video catalog is gigantic. They are MASSIVE fans.

I’ve been on board with Eminem since his first album, The Slim Shady LP, when everyone thought he was The Devil, but I’m going through a super heavy Em phase ever since he dropped Music to be Murdered By in January. I knew instantly what that title was in reference to, and it made me sit up and take notice.

Hitchcock, back in the day, came out with a freakin’ album with the same title. Now I don’t know how many Hitchcock films Eminem has seen, but he has made countless references to Norman Bates in his songs, so at least he knows Psycho. Both Norman and Eminem are mother-obsessed mother-haunted …. psychos, so it’s not a surprise Psycho resonates with him.

So anyway, Hitchcock’s album got on Eminem’s radar, and he was fascinated by it. He thought it would be fun to create a whole album inspired by it, interspersed with clips of Hitchcock talking in his spooky voice. When Eminem announced the album on Twitter he wrote:

Bestill my movie nerd heart.

UNCLE ALFRED?? Are you KIDDING me?

The fact that film critics weren’t all over this album is baffling to me. I should have pitched a piece back in January. Maybe when/if my column comes back I’ll write on the album. Eminem has done multiple interviews about the Hitchcock album. One of the altnerate cover images of his album is a direct reference:

Eminem dropped the album suddenly, and all at once, out of the clear blue sky, the same way he dropped Kamikaze a couple of years ago. He has learned his lesson from Revival, where a couple of tracks leaked before the release date and everyone started trashing the album before they had even heard it. (I don’t know what the hell is wrong with those people. Revival is fire, in my opinion. It’s “woke” Eminem. People have been demanding he be more “woke” for years and then he IS woke and they trash him. That album is going to have a long shelf-life. The kids are discovering it now and they can’t believe it wasn’t released yesterday.) So out of nowhere came Music to be Murdered By and the internet EXPLODED. And it’s this big long album with all these songs, and how do I even absorb it at once? And there’s HITCHCOCK to contend with here too?

The joke is is that other rappers who have an album coming out try to figure out when Eminem is releasing an album, because if they release their own anywhere in the vicinity of Eminem’s release date, their album will get no attention. For months. Literally. Eminem soaks up the oxygen.

Along those lines: This, from two years ago, a “freestyle” by Eminem, at St. Andrew’s Hall in Detroit, where he got started. I just need to point out: This whole thing is improvised. This is improvised. All together, it’s 11 minutes long. Very very few people can do this, even in the rap game which is all about words. I have no idea how he does this. He is not a normal person.

And so, love him or hate him: you have to respect the skill on display here.

I haven’t written about Music to be Murdered By because music isn’t really my thing to write about here, but some people only hear Eminem “flexing” at other rappers, and they think it’s “same ol’ same ol'” but … it’s not. Or they’re like “It’s kind of pathetic, all this bragging.” No. It’s not. Flexing at each other in many ways is the backbone of hip hop. So much of it came out of those underground battles where you try to destroy each other with words. Keeping SHARP with your lyrics is the highest goal. These people are more obsessed with language than literature professors. Also, flexing and trash-talking is only part of what Eminem does. You have to really work to ignore all of his songs about addiction, or his daughters, or childhood pain, or his rage at Trump, all his political songs taking on a variety of topics, gun control, police brutality, the Iraq war back in the day … whatever, to think all he does is pathetically flex at younger rappers means you haven’t really been listening. It’s irritating. At his age, of course he’s wondering if he’s still relevant, if he’s still got it, of course he has a lot to prove – he always does, that’s why he’s the GOAT. Besides, any criticism you launch at him, he has already said it about himself.

I was blown away that he had Young M.A. on for a song called “Unaccommodating”, the second song on the album. Now, she’s pretty huge, but not Eminem huge (very few are Eminem huge), and much of her success has been on YouTube. (In her verse she says “Made a mill without a major deal.” She is gay and talks often about how tough it was being a lesbian “in the hood”. She writes songs about “hoes” but from a lusty female perspective. It’s fantastic! Men have owned the word “ho” long enough! How can you say he just “flexes” aggressively at other rappers when her mere presence on the album is a strong statement, particularly considering his reputation as a misogynist and a homophobe. He put her out front, FAR out front. Before Eminem speaks, she speaks. Who else is this generous? She’s his new favorite rapper and he wanted to highlight her.

She talks about him here:

He talks about her here:

Here’s the song:

The main thing that really surprised me is that he has three legit love songs on the album. Like, no lie. And they are BALLADS. Eminem doing a love ballad is something new. One of them could be about rap, and not a woman – like he’s cheating on the woman with his music, etc. – but this is true of most of his songs: Eminem works in double, sometimes triple entendres. Most of his songs operate on double meanings simultaneously (check out “The Darkness” from Music to Be Murdered By, particularly the official video – watch to the very end), meaning you could listen to an entire song and think it was about a woman, or you could shift your focus and listen to the entire song and think it was about prescription pills. It works seamlessly either way. The love songs here are extremely revealing and vulnerable. This is why he’s untouchable. It’s the raw-ness, it’s the willingness to tell on himself, it’s the willingness to be open and flawed. Flawed? How about a fucking MESS? He’ll let you see it. I wrote about this in my piece about “Kim”, the song to his wife. I referred to “Kim” as a love song, and probably lost a lot of readers when I did so. But it is a love song. Talk about curiosity: you have to get into his world. His songs demand it. I understand why some people don’t want to do that, or refuse to do that, because hanging out with Eminem is not exactly pleasant. Nothing here is me pressuring anyone to check out Eminem if they don’t want to, and he is a tough pill to swallow all around, even for me, and I’m a fan. If you find him upsetting, and I completely understand that, don’t listen to him. But everyone has different tolerances. I have an extremely high tolerance for what might be considered “offensive” material, especially if it’s done artfully and cleverly. I have a high tolerance for “bad” language. I’m not saying people whose tolerances are lower are wrong. Just speaking my own truth. Eminem is dangerous and a provocateur, and society needs people like that. In regards to “Kim”, a woman who makes you that fucking psycho is not someone you’re indifferent or “whatever” to. What I hear in that song is pain and rage, the other side of love. I said all I have to say about it in that link. “Kim” was 20 years ago, and he STILL raps about her. They were married. TWICE. To each other. The relationship was incredibly toxic and volatile and violent on both sides – rehab for both – suicide attempt for both – not to mention worldwide white-hot fame for him. The two had been together since they were 15, 14 years old. I mean …

Who can even comprehend the journey these two punks would go on in a matter of 4 years? Not to mention having a child in all this chaos. And here he is, 47 years old, still writing about Kim. Get over it, Marshall, comes to mind? But there you go. He is a one-woman man. She was it for him. Eventually, he wrote this beautiful painful song called “Bad Husband”, admitting his part in the whole disaster. “How come you can be a good father, a good dad, and a bad husband?” After all this, the two of them get along fine now. Their daughter graduated college with honors. The two of them live practically within walking distance of one another. He bought her the house she lives in now. Like … something powerful is there. Clearly. If you’re into Eminem, you know all this stuff, not from tabloids, but because he raps about all of it.

All of that being said, my point is: Eminem rarely raps about women, other than Kim. So the love ballads on Music to be Murdered By are really striking. You keep looking for the double entendre. Is he rapping about a relationship he’s having? Is he someone’s side piece? Wait … WHO is he talking about? Ha. Eminem fans are nuts. We know far too much about this man. There’s a romantic line in one of the songs: “I just want to lie with you and stare at you all night” and I’m thinking, “Who are you and what have you done with Slim Shady.”

Maybe I don’t have Eminem fans here. That’s fine. But I figured if I have CURIOUS readers, and I know I do, these Script Work guys – who have unofficial doctorates in breaking down and analyzing Eminem’s bars – might be interesting to check out. (Eminem watches them too and said in an interview that they catch stuff in his rhymes he didn’t even know was there. So. Yeah. They’re really good.)

When Music to be Murdered By dropped, these guys got to work and went through it song by song. Each song got its own separate video of analysis. And we all went through it with them. It deepened our appreciation of the album, it helped us go back and listen with new ears, catching all of Eminem’s puns (his puns are insane.)

This is what they refer to as “close reading.” Close reading literary analysis is alive and well and living on YouTube.

One of the songs on Eminem’s album is called “Godzilla.” It’s about all kinds of things. Alcoholism, as well as a huge FLEX at other rappers who think they can compete with him.

A relevant fact: in 2013, Eminem came out with “Rap God,” an absolutely insane 6-minute-long song. Which he also does live, whenever he tours, which is almost never. When I saw him in concert, he did “Rap God” – and it was fucking dazzling. No joke. Here’s the song: And yes, it’s all fast. But … then it gets REALLY fast at around the 4:30 mark. It should go without saying. Don’t listen when the kids are around.

“Rap God” made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most words in a hit single. For the truly nerdy: “Rap God” includes 1,560 words in 6 minutes, 3 seconds. In other words: it’s FAST. Now Eminem has always been fast, but he’s very competitive so here he kicked it up a notch. The first time we all heard it, people literally put down their drinks, just to let the fast-ness beat us in the face. There’s nothing else you can do. You just have to sit back and take it. And: it’s not just fast. He’s actually SAYING shit in that insanely fast sequence.

So. Guinness Book of World Records. Most people would be proud of this. Eminem was not. It just made him competitive. With himself. So he wrote “Godzilla,” which then beat “Rap God” in the number of words included. For me, “Rap God” is still the winner – there’s something about that song – but I just love the image of Eminem being like, in his nerdy mathematical way, counting out the words as he wrote, knowing he needed to cram more in there to beat “Rap God.”

Here’s “Godzilla.”

Just try to focus on what he’s saying. Try to listen. Nobody gets it all the first time.

This is where Script Work comes in. They decided to break down Eminem’s “bars” while sitting in a bar, a tip of the hat to Eminem’s word play, and they got dressed up for it, which is just so adorable to me.

I am spending more time with these two men than I am spending with anyone else right now, except for Hope. I love them. They are good company.

They printed out the “Godzilla” lyrics on paper and go through it painstakingly line by line. It takes them over an hour.

Just one example of Eminem’s complexity: and this is representative – all of his songs have all these Finnegans-Wake-ish puns in them. Eminem literally reads the dictionary in his free time. He reads the Thesaurus. He told Anderson Cooper it haunts him to think of NOT knowing words, because someday he may want to use them. He wants to have all words at his disposal. His references are intimidating, and he’s always got the surrounding context. He references “Waterloo” and you can tell he knows what that word signifies, what that event was, and he uses it in his arsenal. He literally referenced “basal ganglia” in one song and I was like “WTF is he talking about” and had to go look it up. Not only did he use it correctly but he rhymed all of those “compound syllables” (he is obsessed with compound syllables: everything needs to rhyme. There’s gotta be at least 3 rhymes in every line). He has said he would give up rap if he someday lost his skill and could only rhyme the end of lines.

Here’s just four lines from “Godzilla”:

My whole squad’s in here, walking around the party
A cross between a zombie apocalypse and B-Bobby “The
Brain” Heenan which is probably the
Same reason I wrestle with mania

Once you start to break it down word by word you get the main themes for his word play in this little section: He’s playing on Wrestling, zombies, brain. These things are all interconnected, and all signify multiple meanings.

Zombie apocalypse: what do zombies do? They eat brains.
Bobby Heenan – beloved wrestling producer and commentator whose nickname was “The Brain”
Wrestle with mania: This should be obvious: Wrestle Mania.

But each one of these has multiple meanings, depending on how you read it.

1. His “squad” is like the “zombie apocalypse” which could mean:
a. they take over the joint so powerfully it’s an “apocalypse” – like, they wipe everyone else out with their mere presence
or
b. they’re the walking dead – i.e. wasted, or self-destructive.
It could legit be both.

2. “cross between zombie apocalypse and B-Bobby”: this could mean Eminem and his pals are a mashup of zombies AND commentators. So they’re IN it and OUTside of it. OR they are dead but STILL fighters with some kick still in them.

3. Wrestle with mania: Wrestle Mania, of course, we’ve covered that, but in its most obvious context here Eminem is referencing his mental problems – which are in his BRAIN – i.e. depression and “mania” (hmmm sounds familiar) – and which we all know about because he raps about it all the time. “Climbing the walls of the insane asylum” … and etc.

There’s probably more in there that I’m missing. And that’s just four lines in this maniacally jam-packed song. This is how I’ve been spending my quarantine, how about you.

Here’s another one. And this is just word play, adding images on top of images, using metaphors, yes, but the metaphors are then reflected in the language:

think your boy is startin’
To feel like a spoiled carton of milk
‘Cause it just occurred

“Cause it just ocCURRED.” “Spoiled milk” turns into CURDS. There’s a play on words like that in practically every line.

You curious? Let the Script Work men take you to school. The video is an hour, just like a regular class. I pulled up the lyrics and let them walk me through it and it was so FUN.

In these dark uncertain days, I find so much comfort in “hanging out” with these two men (who are quarantining together, by the way: so their videos go on during this lockdown) – these two men who are curious, open, intelligent, appreciative, hilarious, and deep.

As long as there are people still like this in the world, who are not afraid to nerd out – and not only that, but they LIVE to nerd out – and nerding out requires you to be subordinate to the thing you’re nerding out about – that’s a big deal. It means you find something so interesting you will devote your time to discussing it. This is what I do here, this is what I do in my writing, this is the kind of thing I never ever want to lose.

And all of it has one root: CURIOSITY.

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21 Responses to Curiosity and Eminem

  1. Charles says:

    Thank you for this. I always get interesting homework from your best posts.

    Separately, since you are watching more youtube, I saw this video about Humphrey Bogart recently and actually thought of your site (wondering if you had wrote about the subject): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVs4-91xduY
    I have no real knowledge beyond this video to evaluate what’s told there, but I found the story fascinating.

    Thank you again.

    • sheila says:

      Charles – hopefully I left enough bread crumbs that you can find some interest in these clips. It’s fun to have these two guys “walk you through” songs you already know and love. They are so SHARP, they hear stuff I would never hear.

      Thanks for the Bogart clip – will watch tomorrow!

  2. Scott Abraham says:

    Music isn’t your thing to write about here? Elvis, 50 song (a paragraph for each) playlists and musician birthday/obits seem to be fairly regular features.

    • sheila says:

      yeah, I guess I meant I don’t do formal album reviews. My music stuff – besides the posts about artists – is much more informal, like the shuffle posts.

      Eminem’s new album was hugely on my mind for weeks after it dropped, as I was absorbing all of it – but it’s just not in my head to say “I’ve gotta review this” – the way it is with films I love. Just not my thing.

      anyway, glad I got at least some of it out here since it’s been on my mind. Still discovering new things in the album.

  3. Miriam says:

    I agree – Youtube is so underrated for learning about things! One of the first things I do after imbibing a book/film/TV show etc. is to see what the craic is among the youtube reviewers. For example, there’s been some good analysis on Normal People recently. What I really need out about though is film score analysis e.g. channels like Sideways – I love learning about how themes in scores are put together, particularly after writing the score for a musical a few years ago. I like that people who have the time go so in depth with their analysis of these things, and put it out into the world for us to enjoy.

    • Sheila says:

      Miriam – yes I so agree – some of the analysis going on on YT is really in-depth and illuminating. I haven’t checked out Sideways but now I definitely will.

      What are your favorite Review channels?

  4. Melissa Sutherland says:

    Sheila, I’ve tried, god knows, I’ve tried. Maybe it’s my age, I don’t know. I love most music, some obviously more than others, some very odd, but I don’t get this. I will re-read this entry of yours and search out earlier examples of his stuff (I LOVE YOUTUBE) so that I can try to at least see and appreciate the journey. But, truly, you have almost lost me.

    • sheila says:

      “You have almost lost me.” Oh well! Plenty of people don’t get it, or despise him, take him literally when half the time he’s just talking trash to piss people off. His motives are often ugly and petty – which he admits. He’s Gen X like I’m Gen X so I was there from the jump. He’s extremely funny. A big brat. But touching too – as he says in one of his songs “I can make you cry” and he does. I have often cried listening to his songs.

      On the Revival album which I mentioned here he closes with two songs – which are really one long song – the second a sequel to the first – “Castle” and “Arose” – so if you can’t deal with the violent rough stuff (NO JUDGMENT), these might be more accessible. Castle is a series of letters he writes to his daughter over the course of her life – starting with when she was in utero – telling her how much he loves her, how hard he’ll work to raise her, and apologizing for all the ways he let her down – the song ends with the sound of his overdose in 2007. He was two hours away from death and floated out of his body. But the doctors brought him back – and the next song “Arose” is about that overdose experience, and not being able to wait to get back to his daughter and enjoy the rest of his life. It ends with the sound of him flushing the drugs down the toilet. He’s been sober since 2008. Listening to those two songs back to back is an overwhelming experience.

      I will not evangelize for him. Or make excuses for his offensive lyrics. I said in the piece on “Kim” that I just refuse to re-litigate him over and over again to people who despise him and despise those who love him. Not that you’re saying that, it’s just been decades of having to explain myself (“How can you support him when he said that horrible thing about women?” Well, I don’t know what to tell you, he is a flawed man and an artist). He is the biggest selling hip hop artist of all time – a giant – so clearly I’m not alone in loving him. His language is very rough. I cringe when I hear some of it. Terrible! But that’s him. He came up rough. I’m not sure what people expect. Even people who grew up really poor in the ghetto cringe at the details of his biography. His childhood requires a Trigger Warning.

      He was physically abused by his mother, she fed him sleeping pills and Pine Sol (Munchausan Syndrome) when he was a small child, she was a drug addict with men in and out of the house – he witnessed domestic violence, his mom’s eye socket getting broke. he never knew his real father, he was beat up by his stepfather, like, 6 years old being punched in the face by this grown man, he was beat up on the streets all through his childhood – literally the roughest area in rough Detroit – where he was the only white kid – meanwhile never having enough to eat and getting evicted over and over – he has an 8th grade education and has been making up for it ever since. The only person who protected him from the abuse, who was a safe haven, who was also the one who turned him onto hip hop, was his uncle Ronnie – who committed suicide when MM was in high school. When his uncle committed suicide his mom said “I wish it had been you, Marshall.” He raps about all of this.

      The kind of abuse he experienced at so young an age leaves lifelong scars. He sings about those scars and FROM those scars and I respect that. His ability to write and to rhyme literally saved his life – he has said it over and over. Rapping about all this is healing for him and healing for his audience who have experienced similar things. This is what I mean by curiosity – context is important – He comes from a specific terrible place. He HAD to “make it” because he and his girlfriend had a daughter when they were still teenagers and he was working at Burger King and they had nowhere to live. as he says in “Lose Yourself” (his Oscar winning track) – “Success is my only motherfuckin option, failure’s not” because “these damn food stamps don’t buy diapers.” He has said the thing he is most proud of is raising his daughters right and loving them and being there for them – like he never had with his own parents – and going to their college graduations.

      I’m not forcing anybody to check him out. But I love writing about him and so I have. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been hanging out on YouTube because these people are all massive fans and I don’t have to explain why I love him – I always say “I’d rather talk about [whatever], than talk about whether or not [whatever] is worth talking about.” I’ve loved him for 25 years now. And he keeps getting better and better.

      Don’t listen if you don’t feel like it. It is of course perfectly okay not to like him. But I had some shit to say because I love him.

      • sheila says:

        And maybe listen to “Castle” and “Arose.” Brutally honest and tender, tremendously sad, but hopeful. This is him at his best. It’s heartbreaking but positive, healing, moving forward, apologizing, loving, choosing life. Gives a good glimpse of WHY people love him so much.

        if you feel like it! No pressure! Like I said, everyone has different tolerances to this kind of subject matter. As well as anger as titanic as his. Some just can’t listen and can’t be exposed to it or can’t get past certain things. I totally get that.

        • Melissa Sutherland says:

          Dear Sheila, thank you for your response to my note. I love that you took the time and energy to get into it. And I took your advice and listened.
          I thought of all the stuff that swirled around Woody Allen: can you “hate” the artist and “love” the work? And I realized how much I admire and love, yes, love MM, and I still don’t “get” his work. I am okay with this. I read a lot about him in the past few days, stuff you’ve written and writings by others. I think I do better reading his work than listening to it. It’s too “noisy” for me. Forgive me. But his words are incredibly moving, both loud and soft. There is so much anger and love here. Thank you for taking your time with me.
          So hoping this does not sound patronizing.

          • sheila says:

            Melissa – MM’s music isn’t for you. That’s fine. It’s not for me to forgive and that’s not my stance when I’m writing something like this. I’m not writing this to sway people over or to convince anyone. I’m writing this for people who love him and/or are interested in the Eminem phenomenon. Not every post is meant for everyone.

  5. Biff Dorsey says:

    A wonderful piece, worthy of its length. You Tube is a godsend for those shut-in. I just watched Ophuls’ “Liebelei” and that is more than enough to justify its existence. Eminem is passe, but the new release is his best in over a decade. He hasn’t killed Kim or his Mom, yet. Instead he makes art. I can only listen to so much of him. After some Em, I need something soothing like “Iolanthe”.

    • sheila says:

      Thanks for reading, Biff! YouTube has definitely been fantastic company in my solitude. These commentators are so smart, but the format is just great for going down a rabbit hole on a rainy day.

      In re: Eminem – I agree – sometimes I have to take him in small doses. I listened to “Bad Guy” only once and had to lie down for a week. IMO the final verse of “Bad Guy” is among the best things MM has ever done.

      Eminem is still out-selling most everybody – even after, as he admitted, he cut his audience by 1/3rd with his Trump rap – where he basically said “If you support him, stop being my fans, I’m drawing a line in the sand.” So I’m not sure passe is the right word – although he definitely is moving into a very interesting phase. He’s gonna be 50 in a couple of years. At this point he is only competing with himself, in terms of sales and skills. And as I said – most of the YouTubers I watch are kids – who were born right around 2000 – just when he was hitting. So they weren’t around for that whole insane phase of the Marshall mathers LP into The Eminem Show into 8 Mile, when he was just the phenomenon to end all phenomenons. So a new generation is hip to him and his status – and MM is still slaughtering younger rappers who come after him. The amount of commentary on the beef between him and Machine Gun Kelly could fill a library. So far, MGK’s career has not recovered. He lost. Big. You don’t talk trash about MM’s daughter and survive. So it’s still like an underground hip hop club out there – it’s ugly, sure, lots of flexing, but these guys like MM grew up so abused and helpless – their rage just makes a lot of sense to me. It’s one of the reasons why Lin Manuel Miranda wrote Alexander Hamilton – and was inspired so much by Eminem, echoing “Lose Yourself” explicitly in the song “My Shot”. Hamilton grew up fast and rough, with unimaginable horrors in his childhood – born out of wedlock, mother dying in the bed next to him, his cousin who took him in then committed suicide – like, the kid had nothing. And so of course he grew up to be a man who could NOT let an insult slide. He brushed NOTHING off. He held grudges and he got people back. And then died in a duel. There are a lot of corollaries with hip hop, and where these big rappers are coming from.

      I honestly think his last 3 albums have been just incredible – a tug of war between Marshall and Shady. Revival was totally dismissed and I think it’s just brilliant and heartfelt and so so sad. And then, boom, less than a year after Revival came Kamikaze – which blew everyone away and shot to the top of Billboard. Meanwhile, he was BARELY touring – a show here and there – and he’s still outselling everyone. And now a couple years later comes the Hitchcock album, which I agree with you – is superb. Cohesive, coherent – with that great mix of his broken heart – broken for always? sounds like – and his rage, his attacks on the stupid younger hip hop stars (none of the “old” hip hop guys like what’s happening in the generation coming up – they think it’s lazy and phony, and some of them even use ghost writers – such a no-no).

      I’ve been steeped in him for a couple of weeks, going through this thing track by track, and – like you say – I’m about ready for a break. He’s so intense and unhappy, but then there’s that tenderness too. Like I said above: “Castle” and “Arose” on Revival – if you listen to them together – is the most open he has ever been, and it’s devastating. I literally cried listening to them. He doesn’t write songs. He writes movies.

      I’m just glad he’s still around. Was pretty touch and go there for a while.

      Sorry for the novel. Again, thank you for reading and commenting.

  6. Bethany says:

    Sheila – I’m not sure if I’ve commented on any of your previous posts about Marshall, but I always love to read your analysis of his work. There’s something so cathartic about seeing your gut impressions expressed eloquently in words by someone else who SEES what you’re seeing. (This is something you do on a regular basis for me with Jensen Ackles – and even more appreciated in that case, since JA has received much less critical acclaim.) Eminem came onto my radar around 2002, and even though I was only a 9th grader (and not reading any music critics) I knew that he was insanely talented and doing something no one else was doing. His internal rhymes are impressive, and his personas (especially at the time that I was listening) were just psychotic, but it was his capacity for these big emotions that always got me. He’s operatic.

    It’s amazing how my Gen-Z students still take to him! Plenty of them have never heard of him, but I’m always surprised by the ones who do. I have an old illustrated Eminem biography in my class library, totally beaten up with pages falling out, but I am always diligent to tape it up and reshelve it because maybe once or twice a school year I end up offering it to that one kid who refuses to read anything. He won’t read The Outsiders, he won’t read The Giver, but he’ll read a beat up 2008 biography of Eminem cover to cover.

    • sheila says:

      Bethany – hi! I love to hear your thoughts and your journey with MM!

      // and even more appreciated in that case, since JA has received much less critical acclaim //
      RIGHT? Man is still waiting – AND the fate of Supernatural is just hanging in the air right now. The whole industry is on hold. So so strange to consider. I so wonder what JA will do next? Or … when the industry will get back on its feet. Yikes.

      // His internal rhymes are impressive, and his personas (especially at the time that I was listening) were just psychotic, but it was his capacity for these big emotions that always got me. He’s operatic. //

      I love how you say this. Yes, it’s all out there – and, like most great artists, he has more within him to get OUT – or, the urgency to get all that out of him is stronger than most people’s – and so he gives US the catharsis. Everyone can relate to feeling like you don’t fit on, or getting picked on, or being more in love with someone than they are with you – or whatever. This is what I keep saying to people who don’t really get it. Hard core fans like myself love the serial killer shit – he’s obsessed with serial killers lol So am I! – but you don’t become a star of his magnitude – who has lasted 25 years – on just a freaky persona. Ya know? It could have been a gimmick – it WOULD have been a gimmick with anyone else. With him, you always sensed everything underneath – or, at least I did. and many of his fans did. So when he started singing love songs – or apology songs (his apology songs are unREAL – “Headlights”?? I cry every time. “over – WHELMING – SAD-ness” – how he has to take a breath in the middle of words the feeling is so strong – bah, he’s amazing) – but anyway, if you were “in” with him, if you loved him, then the heartfelt stuff wasn’t all that surprising. The man hates mightily and loves mightily.

      Operatic is the word! “Kim” is operatic. “Cleanin Out My Closet.” The recent “Stepdad” on his latest album – it hurts to listen to. any kid getting beat on by an adult will hear themselves in the pain in his voice, the rage of a tiny child helpless against the cruel adults in his life. Em GOES there.

      // It’s amazing how my Gen-Z students still take to him! //

      I am LOVING that this is happening. I’m seeing it in these YouTube channels too – most of them are Gen Z, some millennials (although not as many). And they LOVE him, and are huge “stans”. Most of them are POC too, which breaks up a lot of the myths about him – which were never true in the first place. He was so serious about what he was doing, and such a respectful student of hip hop – tipping his hat to the greats constantly – he got so much respect. He wasn’t just some cocky white kid breezing into the scene and taking it over. That wasn’t him at all.

      // He won’t read The Outsiders, he won’t read The Giver, but he’ll read a beat up 2008 biography of Eminem cover to cover. //

      Tears!

      I think he’s played it very smart too – he listens to every new thing, he keeps up, he asks up and comers to be on his album – he’s done 4 songs with Rihanna (maybe more?) – when I went to see him and Rihanna on the Monster Tour – it was a stadium, absolutely packed – 40,000 people – and it was such a mixed crowd. I’ve never been to a concert that was so mixed. Every race imaginable – white people were in the minority – and all ages, from 8 years old to little old biddies. It was insane. Rihanna’s fan base was there in full force – like I said, he’s no dummy – he wasn’t riding on her shirt-tails – but he was understanding that a collaboration with her would widen his reach. It did.

      It’s been wild to see what has happened with that crazy blonde kid in the late 90s screaming into the camera for the video for “My Name Is” where everyone was like “who tf is that terrifying person?”

      He so could have been a gimmick. He played it right. He did not compromise. People hate him for that but he feeds off it.

      anyway … thanks so much for your comment. It’s fun to talk about Eminem – not talk about whether or not he’s worth talking about. lol

  7. Jim Reding says:

    I was thinking back on your curiosity perks list this weekend, and while I have no idea how many men in their late 30s feel this way, I wholeheartedly, enthusiastically agree. My wife has a reputation in our social circle for being full of questions, especially when meeting someone for the first time. One mutual friend even felt the need to prepare his then-girlfriend (“Just be ready. Melissa asks a lot of questions”). It can take some people aback, but it’s one of the things that made me fall in love with her, and one of the reasons my affection continues to grow.

    Further evidence: I won’t name her yet, although if you managed to guess, I’d 1. confirm it, and 2. be amazed cause I’m not going to give many clues. When my wife and I playfully listed our celebrity crushes, I included a certain working novelist (Do novelists still count as celebrities? I think so). She’s one of my favorite writers, appears charming in interviews, and I knew from following her on social media that we had a lot of common interest. She had a session at a local book festival a few years ago, and at both the Q&A and the signing table, she appeared to be fully present, looked me straight in the eye, big smile, responded with questions of her own, and…OMG, Sheila, I felt high for the rest of the day. My wife took a picture of the two of us as she was signing my book, and every time I’ve looked at it, I almost feel embarrassed, my expression seems so transparent.

    I’m not delusional. I know she wasn’t giving me googly eyes or anything. The way she treated me was consistent with the way I saw her treat everyone else she encountered, but…yep curiosity…WOW!

    I’m also thankful my wife and I find our individual celebrity crushes endearing. She frequently affectionately refers to the novelist as “Your girlfriend.”

    • sheila says:

      Hi Jim – I’ve been away from the comments section here for a couple of weeks – as well as all social media – so I’m just catching up now.

      I’m very curious about what novelist you’re talking about here. How old?

      • Jim Reding says:

        40-something. I’m pretty sure she follows you on Twitter, cause I came to your work after she linked one of your articles (yep, she has good taste too!)

        • sheila says:

          Hmmm I have no idea. Please tell me!!

          Is it Megan Abbott? I know we’re “friends” on Twitter – I really like her. So that’s my guess!

  8. Jim Reding says:

    Well, since I told you I would if you guessed correctly…100%!

    And let’s be honest, I probably was wanting to tell you the whole time or I wouldn’t have tipped my hand with that last clue. Lol

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