My friend Beth, my sister Jean and I were talking this weekend, sitting out on the deck of the bar. The bar is a rickety shack perched on the beach, with a deck on stilts; the waves roll in under the deck at high tide. It’s the kind of bar where everyone is wearing SOME sort of bathing suit, no matter what age. There are 60 year olds who hang out there, and there are 21 year olds – all of these people are in bathing suits. Women wear bikini tops, and shorts or skirts, guys wear bathing suits … flip flops … It’s a bar for red-faced lobster fishermen, it’s a biker-bar on certain nights – it’s a local joint. I never ever go there without running into someone I know. It’s the kind of bar where everyone is either tanned or sunburnt. It is the kind of bar that feels like it is going to slip off into the ocean at any moment.
Jean was bartending. Beth and I were sitting at the “Bombashack” (the bar outside on the deck), having some beer. The waves rolled in beneath us, the moon was a smoky-deep orange, a perfect half-circle, slipping down into the black ocean … The beers were cold. 80s music was playing on the radio.
Life literally could not get better.
We all began to commiserate about our “shower fatigue”.
In our early to late 20s, when everyone starts to get married and have kids, it’s exciting to go to the showers of your friends and family. It’s all so new, it’s thrilling, you buy presents, grown-up presents, you feel like: Wow, we’re all really grown up now! Yeah! How exciting! Joining the ranks of adulthood…
And then at some point, you hit a wall with the showers.
You get shower fatigue.
You feel if you go to another shower, your head will explode into a fiery mesh. And yet you grin and bear it. But all of the joy has gone out of the ritual. The ritual is now just a ritual, a shallow husk of an event. You roll your eyes as you RSVP “yes” to the invitation. You are pissed. You could do something so much better that day. Like scrub your bathtub. You have had it.
This is not just a bitter single childless woman speaking. My friend Beth is married, with 2 kids, and she was saying, “I swear to God, if I have to go to one more fucking shower …”
I LOVE the friends who are getting married and procreating. Love them to DEATH.
But I cannot fight the shower fatigue.
Aha! Just one more advantage of being an old guy.
I think it depends on the crowd. Sometimes showers can be a lot of fun. What I can’t stand is when I get an invite from somebody I don’t really know all that well because they want a lot of presents.
Then there was the case of the one bride I knew who (somehow) ended up having 3 showers before her wedding. I can’t remember why. I think she had a “yay, I’m engaged” shower, then there was a co-ed shower, then the regular bridal shower. It was ridiculous. This chick didn’t even want to buy an 80 cent can opener.
I also didn’t even really know her that well – she was a co-worker. It was a bit much!
This post gave me sort of a funny surprise because I just glanced at it before reading it and was thinking that you were griping about having to take showers rather than about having to go to showers. That would have made for a rather interesting post. Then I read it and thought, “Oh, girl stuff. I’m glad I don’t have to do that.”
“You could do something so much better that day. Like scrub your bathtub.”
You just gave me the biggest smile I’ve had all week.
I don’t mind the bridal showers so much yet. What kills me are the baby showers. Passing around 100 different rattles so everyone can say, “Oooh! So Cute!” 100 times. I want to pull my hair out strand by strand by the end.
I had the same problem with weddings this year.
I wanted to blame them for my not getting this house I wanted.
Every other week (PAY WEEK!) I’d get hit with another wedding, or bachelor party, or another $150 for a tux, or $300 for an appraisal, or a home inspection…
:: tantrum ::
The entire month of June I spent weekends in churches and bachelor parties. Most of them I either paid for, or coordinated the talent for them. I dind’t mind that part THAT much, but still…
All these derned weddings. I found myself one Sunday morning weeks later happily slicing vegetables on my kitchen counter away from all of the wedding people, giggling to myself because I didn’t have to drive halfway across the state in a Monkey suit.
I almost wrote a script about it, I was so affected.
I’m sorry, I’m on the soapbox. Red, I can relate.
I don’t know about showers, Sheila, but contra Wutzizname, I don’t think I could get bachelor party fatigue…though I’m willing to try to find out. ;-)
One of my college roommates is getting married in DC in mid-September, and I’m really looking forward to going. You can never say for sure, of course, but I just feel they’re going to have such a great life together. They’ve been together since before we graduated, and they still glow in each other’s presence. I’m happy for them, I’m happy at the prospect of seeing friends I haven’t seen in person in years and, of course, I’m happy about being out of Tallahassee for a while. Oh, and strictly no touching allowed in DC strip clubs…which is part of why the bachelor party’s going to be in Maryland. ;-)
Maybe in seven or eight years, I’ll feel some fatigue like you do; I really don’t have any idea.
I am 22 and I believe I was born with shower fatigue. I have never in my life enjoyed attending a shower, no matter who it was for.
I just got an invitation to a shower in the mail today. I don’t think I could bear to go because it’s the woman’s second wedding. I’ve already been through the cycle with this person, I simply don’t think I can do it again.
The entire phenomenon of showers has always struck me as terribly odd.
I understand the thinking in times of old when poverty was rampant and you had poor young people starting out needing a hand. But it’s evolved into this ritual that…
Oh hell I won’t go on and on, but I was a little weirded out when we got our wedding shower and baby shower. It felt weird. But you know, I wasn’t going to turn down all the presents. But whoof. Seems to me like there should be some sort of “okay, you get ONE of these in your life” rule, and maybe even a “do you ACTUALLY NEED IT?” rule.
And here is the bitter single childless over-30 woman speaking:
I lived “away from home” for a while in my 20s, and then moved back with my parents so I could finish grad school without going into massive debt.
My brother “inherited” all the kitchen stuff I had, with the understanding that I’d need some of it back someday.
Then he got married. His wife-to-be had a shower, they got all the typical wedding gifts. Do I get my cheap-o, already used for five years when he got them, Revere Ware pots and pans back?
No. I had to demand them back. And even then, they kept the double boiler.
When I got my own place again, I had to buy all my own damn towels, plates, sheets, shower curtain – everything. (Last time I visited them I realized that they STILL HAVE THE TOWELS I BOUGHT FOR MYSELF WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE. And they were good-quality towels, too – they still look nice).
I’ve long held that if a person makes it to 30 without marrying, they should be given a shower.
Baby showers don’t irk me so much, at least giftwise (I have a hard time doing the ooh and aah thing, especially when it’s a Diaper Genie being passed around). But I can’t stand multiple bridal showers when the bride and groom EACH make more money than I do. That just seems unfair.
Ah, DaveJ: I didn’t say I got sick of bachelorette parties!! Huge difference!
:)
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind the IDEA of showers. If I get married or have kids, I definitely am gonna need some help stocking up on all that stuff – a shower is a great way to do that, and a great way for your friends to help you out, support you, create a community.
It’s just the ATTENDING of showers I find tiresome.
And yeah – going to a shower for a second wedding is a bit much, I think, Anne! :)
Ricki –
it’s interesting – my single friends and I have also said to each other: Showers should be mandatory, whether you are married or not. heh!!
Last year, when I moved into my own place – my mom took me out and we picked out dishes, silverware, table mats, pots, glasses blah blah blah – all of the stuff I would never buy for myself. I only would get hand-me-downs or flea market stuff – but my mom thought I should get what I want, I should have nice plates, nice stuff … I have always been grateful for that. It was like my own little personal shower.
Two thoughts- I feel that EVERYONE should get a “Free Shower” somewhere in their early 40’s. By that time, all your stuff is looking crappy if it was cheap, or you would like some more stuff to replace GOOD items that were lost/broken/never returned. That would be so cool.
Secondly, I have “My baby/toddler is having a birthday so we are going to have a HUGE bash with all of our friends and family so our child gets a ton of expensive presents because OUR child is the only one in the world that people should care about” party. I am 37. I feel no need to attend a child’s birthday party. Been there, done that.
Dammit. I am so tired of these parties, that I forgot to write “fatigue” after “party”. I have “Yuppie Child Birthday Party Fatigue”, also known as “Generation S” for “Spoiled”.