The Oscars

As a prelude let me just say this about myself in relation to the Oscars (ha. Like anybody cares. Well, I assume if you read me, you do care, so here we go):

I’m in it for the emotion. I love the emotion. I NEED the emotion. I do not judge the jittery overwhelming joy expressed by those who win … As a matter of fact, I revel in it. The more emotion, the better.

An actress makes some over-the-top weepy speech, basically having a nervous breakdown on national television? Bring it on. I love it. (Anyone remember Jennifer Connelly’s pale-as-a-ghost monotone stiff speech when she won for Beautiful Mind? I was BUMMED. Where was her nervous breakdown? Where was her ecstasy? She let me down, man, she let me down.)

An actor is overcome with emotion, trying to thank the director who gave him this chance? I love it. Can’t get enough. (And please … MORE cut-away shots to the spouse of the winner in the audience, holding back her tears, smiling wide, proud, happy … more of those, please.)

Some sound-mixing guy stands up there, clutching a piece of paper with all the names on it, and you can see that his hand is trembling? My God. I love humanity.

There are times when the emotion is SO huge that the person making the speech comes off looking like a raving lunatic who needs to be hospitalized immediately. (Can you say Halle Berry? I know you can.)

There are times when the joy is so enormous, and the wait for recognition has seemed so long, that the person jibbers like a maniac in a display of wounded ego vanquished. (Ehm … Sally Field. ‘Nuff said.)

But still. I DON’T CARE. I love it all. I love the “too-much-ness” of it all. I love to see people overcome with a too-much-ness of emotion, even if it’s embarrassing. I think it’s actually kind of beautiful to watch. One of my pet peeves is those who find emotion, in general, to be embarrassing and worthy of mockery. There were a couple of those types in the bar where I watched the Oscars last night … The moment anyone started showing emotion, no matter how mild, the snickering began. Ick. I’m glad I’m not like that, because those people deprive themselves of so much. Do I sound like I feel superior? You’re damn right. I do. I’m glad I’m me, and not them, and I’m glad that emotion doesn’t embarrass me, even the most embarrassing displays of emotion. For example, I thought Gwyneth Paltrow’s out-of-control-with-emotion Oscar speech, where she was struggling with tears the whole time, having moments of feeling unworthy (when she wept out in the general direction of Meryl Streep: “I don’t feel worthy to be up here …”) – and crying about her sick grandfather, her sick cousin (I remember some comic saying afterwards: “Is anyone in Gwyneth Paltrow’s family healthy right now??”) her parents, all that … I thought it was magnificent. I could not get enough. I could have watched her cry and clutch that trophy for an hour more.

All of this is also why I am often overcome when watching Olympics medal ceremonies – even if it’s for a Latvian shotputter I have never heard of before in my life. I don’t care. I LOVE to see people in moments of heightened emotion, and in moments when a long dream has come true, when a moment imagined in childhood has actually come to pass … I mean, honestly. How awesome is that??

All right, so all of that being said … let me go on to the specifics.

Oscar Night Analysis

— Kathy Griffin needs to be SHOT. Her eyeshadow alone was enough to make me hate her for all time.

— I thought Scarlett Johansen looked beautiful enough to eat. She’s gorgeous, and I loved her look. I also just like her, in general.

— Star Jones stopped Drew Barrymore on the red carpet to chat a bit. Drew was all glammed up, in a black dress. Wasn’t wacky about her earrings or her dark eyeshadow, but it doesn’t matter. I love Drew Barrymore, and I kind of wish that we were best friends. Anyway, Star Jones said to her, “Drew Barrymore! You’re not a little girl anymore!” And Drew said, “I just turned 30 this week.” She didn’t say it in a bitchy way, she said it with a huge smile, but it was hilarious. No one will ever let her forget ET. When she’s 80, some chick on the red carpet will say, “Drew! You’re not a little girl anymore!”

— Renee Zellweger makes me angry.

— I love Mike Myers and his wife Robin. I’ve actually met both of them, and they’re as normal and cool as they seem to be. What I particularly love, is that Robin is not just “the wife of the star”. Mike Myers says that Robin is funnier than he is – and I believe it. Star Jones (she was driving me nuts) stopped them to talk on the red carpet, and of course – Star Jones was pretty much only talking to Mike Myers, asking him questions. Robin seemed completely oblivious to the fact that Star Jones wasn’t addressing her, and would chime in with her own comments. I love the two of them. They seem like a real pair.

— Uhm, what the heck was up with Spike Lee’s hat?

— Maggie Gylennhall (or however you spell her name): I love her acting, and I think we’re going to be hearing from her for a very long time. You wait and see – I bet she’ll win an Oscar one day. HOWEVER: you cannot dress that girl up. No matter what is put on her, she looks a bit dowdy. Maybe because she doesn’t really have good posture? She slumps. I find this quality in her endearing, actually. She’s not a clothes horse. She reminds me of Diane Keaton in that way.

— Oprah looked incredible. Just incredible.

— Hilary Swank’s dress was atrocious. The sexy back did not make up for the horrific front. Sorry, babe. It don’t work that way. However, let me just say this: I like Hillary Swank because she seems like an actress. Not a movie star. I mean, obviously, she IS a movie star, but she doesn’t carry herself that way, she doesn’t play that game, in the interviews on the red carpet she comes across as really real, and humble, and normal. So in a way, I found her atrocious dress endearing. One thing I noticed which made me like her even more: Star Jones (blah) stopped Hillary and her husband Chad Lowe to talk. Now, this red carpet stuff is so inane, and the “conversations” had barely deserve that name. So Star is asking Hillary questions like: “Are you excited?” (Uhm, nah. I already got an Oscar, whatever. I don’t need another. OF COURSE SHE’S EXCITED). And again: Star barely acknowledged Chad Lowe standing beside Hillary, etc. As Star said some inane thing, and Hillary listened, with a polite open smile on her face, I saw her hand subtly reach out to grab her husband’s. A quiet husband-wife moment in the middle of the insanity. I liked to see that. Isn’t that so what you would do if you were in that insane environment? Cling to the person next to you who is REAL, who knows you, who has some connection to reality?

— Oh and speaking of all of that: I thought Kate Winslet looked scrum-diddlyumptious. But then again, she always does. Here’s what I liked about her: She’s nominated for an Oscar, okay? She’s in some fabulous dress. She’s a big feckin’ movie star. Star Jones says something like: “So are you so excited right now, and are you so excited about how fabulous you look?” Kate Winslet said, “Well, actually, I’m here with my parents, my husband, and my best friend from home … so pretty much right now, I’m concerned about them, and I’m hoping that they’re having a good time …” And as she said it, she kind of looked around, searching for where her family went. I loved her for that. Again, isn’t that so what you would do if you were in that nutso environment, and you were there with your parents and your best friend?

— Gwyneth Paltrow (while I’m not a huge fan) looked positively gorgeous. I’ve never seen her look so lovely.

— Wasn’t wacky about Cate Blanchett’s dress. Yellow is not a good color for her, and with the brown sash? She looked like a lemon-meringue pie with a slightly burnt crust. However: I LOVED her hair. I want to get my hair to look like that. Tousled, natural, curls … Beautiful.

— I watched the Oscars in a pub with a couple of friends. Both of these friends work in PR, and one of them has “worked the red carpet” many times, for her job. You know those people in the background, usually dressed in black, who usher the stars along, from post to post, making sure no one holds up the line? That’s what my friend does. So their perspective on red-carpet behavior was extremely amusing. For example, suddenly there was a shot of Robin Williams, doing some wacky ridiculous thing, and one of my friends murmured, “Love Robin Williams, but he is a red carpet disaster.”

— I love Chris Rock, always have. And I thought he did a great job – snarky enough to get laughs (the thing about Jude Law, while it might be mean, I thought was hilarious) – but he kept the thing moving right along. And he kept it pretty non-explosive, which for a comic like Rock much have been quite a challenge. There’s just something about his delivery which is funny in and of itself. Like his whole thing about waiting to get a STAR for your movie. “If you want Denzel, but you can only get me? WAIT.” Also his thing about Russell Crowe being so good at historical drama, even if it’s just “3 weeks ago”. “If you want someone to show you what it was like 3 weeks ago … if you want to know how they walked 3 weeks ago, how they talked 3 weeks ago … then Russell Crowe is your man.” I don’t know, man, I thought it was hilarious. Also, his dig at Tim Robbins – YAY!!! “Now welcome to the stage a man who is a wonderful actor, great director, and who bores us to DEATH with his politics … Tim Robbins!” Tim Robbins took it in stride, which I thought was nice, too. Oh, and how about the general humorlessness of Sean Penn when he came onstage, and basically … out of nowhere … defended Jude Law from the Chris Rock joke in the opening monologue?? Ha ha. I love Sean Penn, great damn actor, but the guy really needs to lighten up.

I have so much else to say. This is already the longest post ever.

— Clive Owen should have won. Clive Owen should have won. Clive Owen should have won. Love Morgan Freeman, but Clive Owen should have won. Acting don’t get much better than what he did in Closer.

— Can we please discuss the general gorgeousness of Beyonce? I mean, please. It’s almost like she is lit from within or something. Additionally, she’s such a performer. She’s a diva, in the grand tradition of musical divas. Like … she can carry it off. I was very impressed. She’s a superstar for good reason. However, the necklace she wore in the second number was TOO MUCH. We spent the entire song talking about the necklace, and how much it was probably worth (one of my friends commented, “What’s with the bling?”)… and somewhere along in there, we realized we missed her performance. The diva-accessories should accentuate the performance, not overwhelm it. But besides all of that – I think she’s a grand and delicious diva, and I thought she did a wonderful job.

— Pierce Brosnan walks out to give the award for Best Costume. He is then joined on stage by an animated creature from The Incredibles, and they engage in “witty banter”. It was kind of toe-curlingly mortifying to watch, actually. Dumb. One of my friends murmured sadly, “Pierce Brosnan’s career has gone down.”

— Although I wasn’t completely sold on Cate Blanchett’s performance as Katherine Hepburn (she did some good acting, I thought, but … I don’t know. I couldn’t get the real Kate out of my mind, and hence – Cate seemed like a pale reflection) … However. I very much appreciated Cate’s speech. Which was pretty much all about Katherine Hepburn. How wonderful. How beautiful. I loved how Cate worded it, too: “When you play someone as terrifyingly well-known as Katherine Hepburn…” That’s pretty much the size of it. “Terrifyingly well-known” indeed. But I thought her speech was quite classy – she turned it into a mini-tribute of the Great Kate herself. I also love that Cate Blanchett, the gorgeous lemon-meringue pie, is basically married to Bilbo Baggins.

— The Johnny Carson montage brought tears to my eyes.

— Ross Kaufman, the guy who won for Best Documentary (Born into Brothels) graduated from the same college as I did, in the same year. Makes me feel kind of like a loser. But congratulations anyway!

— HOORAY for Sidney Lumet!! I sat there, listening to Al Pacino’s awesome speech (so articulate, so cool), thinking of their history together. I mean, listening to Al, all I could think of was “Atti-CA! Atti-CA!” and it amazed me. These two have known one another for so long. So I loved that Lumet was acknowledged, and I also loved that it was Al who presented that award.

— Penelope Cruz’s English is incomprehensible. Gorgeous? Of course. Incomprehensible when she speaks? Absolutely.

— Despite all of the celebrities, and all of the movie stars – in general, my favorite award speeches to watch are the unsung heroes. The invisible ones. The technical people – sound editing, sound mixing, etc. etc. I just love these people and I love the contribution they make (which, if it’s done well, is nearly invisible. You don’t sit watching The Aviator thinking: “Wow. The sound in this film is excellent. KuDOS to the sound mixer!” But without good sound, the movie wouldn’t work as a whole.) So I love these people. And I love watching their moment in the sun, when they are acknowledged for their huge contribution. They’re not used to the attention, to being in front of crowds. Their speeches are usually the ones that kill me the most.

— Speaking of which, whoever it was who won for sound editing said a really cool thing, that I remember: “They’re not technical awards. They’re given for artistic decisions.” I love that, and I completely agree.

— Jamie Foxx’s speech killed me. It KILLED me. The grandmother moment … when he was almost afraid to even start talking about it, because he would lose it … That’s what I’m talking about. Talk about your dead grandmother up on that stage, and I am yours forever. I loved that the grandmother told him to stand up straight “and act like you got some sense.” A beautiful speech, I thought. The guy is a phenomenal actor, I have always thought so – ever since I saw him in that silly movie Any Given Sunday – and thought: “My God. He is incredible. That guy is a movie star.” He is, indeed. Congratulations to him. Well deserved.

— One of my friends made a good comment about Hillary Swank’s “I’m just a girl from the trailer park” speech. She said, “You should talk about the trailer park you came from in your FIRST Oscar speech. Not your SECOND Oscar speech.” For some reason, that made a lot of sense to me. Probably because I’m a lunatic.

— I can’t even comment on the fact that Martin Scorsese didn’t win. I’m still too upset. So before the man dies, they’ll give him a Lifetime Achievement Award, basically to say “Hey dude, sorry we keep blowing you off, even though you’ve directed some of the most influential important films our country has ever produced. Sorry we blew you off for Raging Bull. Sorry we blew you off for Good Fellas. Sorry, buddy, that we keep blowing you off. Here’s a lifetime achievement award to make up for what idiots we all are.” You know, he works outside the studio system, and pretty much always has. Despite his phenomenal success, I don’t know if the powers-that-be can really forgive him for that. I’m pissed. I could barely listen to Clint’s speech.

I try to remind myself, right now, of the impassioned thing I wrote last year about Bill Murray not winning the Oscar for Lost in Translation.

But still. I really think Scorsese deserved that award. He’s the type of director who wins Oscars for OTHERS … and yet strangely, he continues to be ignored. His films win Oscar after Oscar after Oscar … and hmmm, who’s at the helm of these celebrated movies? Uhm … Scorsese. It’s like Cary Grant never winning. There’s a downside to making stuff look so easy. Cary Grant made it look easy, and the people around him were nominated.

I don’t want to end on a sad note. I’m an Awards-ceremony junkie. I wish there were awards shows every day of the week. I would never leave my house, and I would watch them in rotation.

A fun night was had by all!

And I reiterate my first point: Kathy Griffin needs to never show her ugly green-eye-shadowed face again. Who the hell chose her to be such a huge part of the show? Fire that person. Now.

Other commentary:

Lisa’s post must be read. Bless her for bringing up Electric Company when discussing Morgan Freeman.

Ann Althouse’s commentary in real-time is not to be missed. I particularly enjoy her wording: “Renee Zellweger comes out in a stiff red dress. She moves like an inchworm.” Gloriously apt.

Steve Silver blogged about it as it was happening. Good observations … many that I did not pick up on. So far, in pretty much every post I’ve read, Sean Penn is being lambasted for … behaving like a humorless automaton.

Heh heh heh. More commentary on how humorless Sean Penn is. I love it!! Dude needs to chill. He looked as ridiculous as Eminem did when Eminem fought with the puppet. (I say all of this despite the fact that I love Sean Penn and I love Eminem.) Being able to take a joke, and having a sense of humor about things (even if you are the punchline) is the mark of intelligence. Remember this!! Sean: you’re an awesome actor. But your perpetual dourness is proof of the fact that intellectually you are a dum-dum.