My latest writing assigment – part 2

Here is part 1.

So this morning I had a loooooong teleconference with Cashel, about the book he has basically commissioned me to write. The book “on nature and storms”. It started out with a heart-crack moment, because we sort of did the chit-chat thing (which I’m not good at, and neither is he). “Hi, how are you?” “Fine. Good.” Dead-ends galore. Cashel’s voice sounded tiny and almost monotone. There were MANY awkward pauses. Then Cashel said, in a completely different voice altogether, kind of alert and serious, “Auntie Sheila, I really hope that you will think about writing that book on nature and storms.”

And with that, we were off and running. Cashel and I talked about nature and storms for 45 minutes. We planned out our book. We brainstormed. I wrote down everything he said.

Here, briefly, is what Cashel wants: There will be two distinct sections of the book. One on STORMS. And one on NATURE. These are not one and the same and must be separated out.

We took on the “storms” part first. We started listing all the different kinds of “storms”. We include “natural disasters” under this category, by the way.

Here is the list – My contributions were “hurricane”, “blizzard” and “volcano eruption”. All else came from Cashel:

Hurricane
Drought
Lightning
Tsunami
Flood
Earthquake
Blizzard
Mud slide
Typhoon
Volcano

Then came the NATURE discussion. Now, to me … where I was going with the whole “nature” thing was to get into all the different elements in nature: animals, mountains, ocean, stuff like that. I was very quickly made to realize that that was not what Cashel had in mind at all.

Here is where the conversation got really deep.

I said, “Okay. So now we move on to ‘Nature’. I am thinking we should have different sections in the book for – like – the beach. Or flowers. Or redwood trees.”

Cashel interrupted me, and his voice dripped with scorn and irritation. “Auntie Sheila, no, not trees and flowers. Not THAT. They’re not DANGEROUS.”

I slowly realized that the book was actually going to be a list of dangers, throughout the planet.

“Oh … okay … so just dangerous stuff in nature, then?”

I felt confused. Because to me, all the dangerous stuff in nature we had already covered (typhoon, earthquake, etc.) Oh, how narrow-minded and unimaginative I am. Cashel, in an extended monologue, set me straight.

He said, “Yes – like SICKNESSES.”

“Sicknesses?”

“Sicknesses can be VERY dangerous!” (Again, the irritation in his voice. I was slow on the uptake.)

“Yes, Cash-man. You’re right. They can be very dangerous.”

“Like tuberculosis.” Cashel rattled this one off.

I wrote down, under my “Nature” heading the word: “Tuberculosis.”

“Yup. Tuberculosis.” (Where the hell did he get that??)

Then came this monologue from Cashel: “And here’s another one. You go to China, okay? And you pick up a virus in China. Then you come home, and you get a cold, and then BOOM.” (He shouted “Boom”) “You’re dead. Your white blood cells can’t fend the virus off.”

I literally wanted Cashel to keep talking in this vein FOREVER.

I said, “Right. White blood cells are very important. So what other sicknesses?”

Cashel began to brainstorm. He said, “Heart attack.” I wrote it down. He clarified for me, his stupid auntie, “Basically any kind of sickness caused by NATURE.”

Then, out of nowhere, Cashel said in a serious voice, “I think the most dangerous thing in nature is ourselves.”

I felt that go right through me. I felt his essence, his little serious essence. It was a deep moment.

I said, “Ourselves, Cashman?”

“Yes. Mankind. Mankind is the most dangerous thing in nature.”

“I think you’re onto something there.”

“Wars. Look at all the wars.”

“I know.”

There really wasn’t much else to say, along those lines … I wanted so badly to be in his presence at that moment, his little sensitive blond-headed presence, and hang out with him, and read with him, and watch movies, and stuff. He’s an incredible person, he really is.

Then, after the digression into the inherently dangerous nature of mankind, we got back to our list of sicknesses.

Cashel said, “Heart burn. Also humungous fungus.” There was a long pause, and then Cashel said portentously, “There’s a fungus among us.”

I burst into laughter, and I heard Cashel laughing silently on the other end. I only knew he was laughing (in that shaking-like-a-bowlful-of-jelly way that he was) because of the occasional gasps for breath. Other than that? Silence.

We ended the list of “sicknesses caused by nature” with the deadliest of them all:

“Onion breath.”

I certainly have my work cut out for me. A book including typhoons and onion breath. I can’t wait to get started.