For those of you beeyotching about the downfall of the Star Wars movies (and please. Do not think I do not include myself in that category.) … all I really need to do is to present you with this. I had forgotten about this – but one quick glance-over brought the memories come RUSHING back. If Star Wars could survive its own holiday special in 1978 (anyone remember it?) – it can survive a little Jar Jar. I mean, look – nobody even remembers the damn special! The series moved on past that debacle … Empire Strikes Back was still to come …
Seriously, though. Go read the post. Here is a brief plot synopsis of this NADIR in American pop culture:
You will soon learn to hate Lumpy [Note: “Lumpy” is Chewbacca’s son. Yes. Chewbacca is, apparently, a family man.]. You’ll hate him when he smiles, you’ll hate him when he looks sad, you’ll hate him when he growls, and you’ll hate him when he watches his holographic Cirque de Soleil gymnasts.
On an annoyance scale, think of Jar Jar Binks and every single Ewok rolled into one, then multiply that nightmare by 3,720 …
Alright, I guess I should give some backstory, as there is, believe it or not, a plot to this pile of intergalactic garbage. The “holiday” in the special’s title isn’t Christmas or New Year’s or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or any silly old earth holiday. No, it’s Life Day, which is a day when Wookies celebrate, yep, you guessed it, LIFE.
Han is trying to get Chewy home for the blessed day (via what appears to be a five dollar reconstruction of the Millenium Falcon set), but the two continually run into Imperial Forces (actually just snippets from the original film). As the Wookie family awaits their husband/son/father, they wail and moan for fifteen minutes straight.
Now let me ensure you that I am not exaggerating.
In a strange nauseating way, the whole thing makes me incredibly nostalgic for my goofy 1970s-era childhood, when you could actually see cheesy stuff like this on TV, when we weren’t so self-aware or self-conscious or … I’m not sure the term I’m looking for. We weren’t so cynical. You know, the kind of childhood where you only had three television channels to choose from, and not everyone was an armchair movie-critic but actually able to be flat-out FANS, and so we were still able to think that something as HEINOUS as the Star Wars Holiday Special was actually good.
I’ll leave you with a final quote from that post on the SW Holiday Special:
Screw Greedo shooting first, this makes Han look like the biggest puss in the galaxy. Seriously, after that line, Han makes Alf look like a sci fi bad ass.
hahahahaha
Definitely check out the entire thing. If you’ve never heard of this special and never seen it, you will NOT. BELIEVE. IT. But believe me, it happened. I was there.
Yep, my brother got me the DVD of this via eBay for Christmas. : ) I was nine when it came out, and although us wide-eyed 70s kids weren’t all that cynical, even I cringed at the Bea Arthur cantina number. Ditto Princess Leia singing. She’s Debbie Reynolds’ kid? I want DNA evidence.
Still, I had no problem with Art Carney or Harvey Korman. And the Boba Fett cartoon vignette was awesome.
If you think that was cheezy – do you happen to remember the Donny and Marie episode where they did a “tribute” to Star Wars?
I think C-3PO and R2-D2 were “guests” (similar to when they were on the Muppet Show with Mark Hamill) but of course Donny was Luke and Marie was Leia.
Hm, I just realized that was a bit of foreshadowing at that time…
But it gets better.
I rememeber I sat in front of the TV and taped the bit with my little tape recorder.. and played it back for I don’t know how many years after that. I would kill to find that tape again.
But it’s still better.
Playing the Grand Moff Tarkin, watching the rebels escape the Death Star and singing a demented version of “Come Back to Me” from “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever”, was….
Paul Lynde.
Yes, you may die now.
“Hear my voice where you are
Take a train, steal a car,
Hop a freight, grab a star, come back to me.
Catch a plane, catch a breeze,
On your hands, on your knees,
Swim or fly, only please, come back to me!”
I have vivid memories of that cartoon – I thought it was amazing!
Barry – I mean, the whole thing just boggles the mind, doesn’t it??? hahaha
Gee, thanks Sheila, I repressed that memory long ago for good reasons and now you’ve just opened that old wound back up!
“M” – It’s not just that “Leia’s” mother is Debbie Reynolds, but her father is Eddie Fisher! A good singing voice must be a recessive gene.
JFH –
I figured if we, of that generation, shared our collective pain about the Star Wars special, it might be easier to bear.
You know, I had heard about this thing for years, but I don’t think I’d ever seen footage or heard sound from it before. [shudder]
It looks like Lucas wants all of us to somehow forget it. Sorry, George … who can ever block out the image of Chewbacca’s wife? A Wookie with lipstick? Uhm … huh?
dude, i find the idea of this special seriously disturbing. i am not saying that by way of hyperbole. i mean, i really think i’d have nightmares if i were ever forced to watch such a thing. euggh.
In fairness, Lucas doesn’t make you watch the Christmas thing. He does force you to watch Greedo shoot first if you want to watch the movie.
I kind of WANT to watch the Christmas thing again. Just for sheer cheese entertainment purposes.
But thanks to Scott J: I don’t have to watch Greedo shooting first. I can watch Han Solo being a blatant (and cunning) bad-ass, without any retrospective softening. Whoo-hoo!!
“….the poor girl just looks absolutely coked out of her mind. Seriously, it’s a toss up between her and Drew Barrymore for the coveted “Best Stoned Actress”….
I never usually leave blog comments anywhere, being content to read and lurk, but whenever the SW Christmas Special is mentioned, I’ve got to pipe up. : )
BTW, anyone going to see the SW tribute film “5-25-77” starring John Francis Daley (of Freaks and Geeks fame) and Christopher Lloyd? The trailer’s hilarious.
Website here: http://www.5-25-77.com/
LMAO! Man, I was desperate for ANYTHING Star Wars, so that special rocked. I watched it again a couple of years ago and marveled at how ironclad the actors’ contract obligations must have been. And that Wrestlecrap review is awesome.