The Books: “The Three Sisters” (Anton Chekhov)

Next book in my Daily Book Excerpt:

More from The Plays of Anton Chekhov. This excerpt is from The Three Sisters.

There’s so many scenes to choose from here, not to mention the HEART-CRACK of the last scene, and Olga’s unbelievable monologue that closes the play. But I decided to go with (in honor of my sister Siobhan who played her) Natasha’s entrance to the party. The mood here is almost slapstick, and this is in the middle of a Chekhovian drama. That’s why I love him. He doesn’t choose a tone for his plays. There are tragic moments, thoughtful moments, and absolutely hilarious moments. They feel like life. Or … life lived by people who really can feel things, who are not cut off.

This scene makes me laugh out loud.

EXCERPT FROM The Three Sisters, by Anton Chekhov.

(Enter Natasha; she wears a pink dress with a green belt)

NATASHA. They’re already eating … I guess I’m late … (Stops briefly in front of the mirror and fixes herself up) Well, at least my hair’s okay. (seeing Irina) Irina Sergeyevna, happy birthday! Congratulations, honey! (Gives her a hug and several effusive kisses) You’ve got so many guests, I feel sort of embarrassed … Hello, Baron, how are you?

OLGA. (coming into the living room) Well, if it isn’t Natalya Ivanova. How are you, my sweet?

(They exchange kisses)

NATASHA. You’ve got such a big party I really feel awfully embarrassed …

OLGA. Now, now, none of that, it’s all just friends … (lowers her voice, a bit shocked) A green belt! Darling, that just isn’t done!

NATASHA. Why? Is it bad luck or something?

OLGA. No … it just doesn’t look right with that dress … well, it looks a bit odd, that’s all.

NATASHA. But why? It isn’t really so green — I mean, it’s more, you know, greenish …

(She follows Olga into the dining room. Everyone is now at the table; the living room is empty)

KULYGIN. Irina dearest, here’s hoping you find a suitable fiance. It’s about time you got married.

CHEBUTYKIN. Here’s hoping Natlya Ivanova finds herself a boyfriend too.

KULYGIN. Natlya Ivanova already has a boyfriend.

MASHA. (banging her plate with a fork) I’ll have another little glass of that wine. Well, we only live once, by God, and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

KULYGIN. You get an F-minus in conduct.

VERSHININ. This vodka is delicious. What gives it that spectial taste?

SOLYONY. Cockroach juice.

IRINA. (crybaby voice) Oh! That’s disgusting!

OLGA. We’re having roast turkey and apple pie for dinner tonight. Thank God, I’ve got the whole day off, and the evening too … I hope you’ll all be able to come for dinner.

VERSHININ. I hope you’ll let me come too.

IRINA. Of course.

NATASHA. They’re very informal around here.

CHEBUTYKIN. “It’s love that makes the world go round …” (laughs)

ANDREY. Will you all please stop it! Aren’t you tired of it yet?

(Fedotik and Rohde enter with a big basket of flowers)

FEDOTIK. Oh, they’re already having lunch.

ROHDE. (in a deep loud voice, with exaggerated ‘r’s) Lunch? Yes, it’s true, they are already having lunch!

FEDOTIK. Wait a minute! (takes a picture) There! Now one more … everybody hold still! (takes another picture) There! Now you can all move!

(They take the basket of flowers and go into the dining room where everyone greets them noisily)

ROHDE. (in a loud voice) Happy birthday and best wishes! The very best! The weather is just wonderful today, really beautiful. I took some of the high-school boys out for a walk this morning … I’m the gymnastics coach at the high school.

FEDOTIK. That’s all right, irina Sergeyevna, you don’t have to hold still, it’s all right! (takes a picture) You look very interesting today. (takes a top out of his pocket) Oh, I forgot. A present for you, a top. It makes an amazing sound …

IRINA. Oh, it’s divine.

MASHA. “Beside the sea there stands a tree, and on that tree a golden chain … and on that chain an educated cat goes around and around and around …” (tearfully) Why do I keep saying that? I can’t get it out of my head …

KULYGIN. There are thirteen of us at table!

ROHDE. Surely, ladies and gentlemen, you are above such silly superstitions?

KULYGIN. If there are thirteen at table, that means two of them are in love. Ivan Romanich, I certainly hope nobody’s in love with you …

CHEBUTYKIN. Oh, not me. I’m just an old boozer. But look at Natalya Ivanovna: what do you suppose she’s got to blush about?

(Everybody laughs loudly. Natasha gets up and runs into the living room. Andrey follows her)

ANDREY. It’s all right, don’t pay any attention to them! Wait … don’t go, please …

NATASHA. I’m so embarrassed. I just don’t know what’s the matter with me; they just make fun of me all the time. I know it’s not polite to leave the table like that, but I just couldn’t stand it, I really couldn’t …

ANDREY. Oh, darling, please, please don’t get upset. They’re only joking, honestly they are; they all mean well. Darling, they’re all nice people; they love me and they love you too. Come on over here by the window — they can’t see us over here…

NATASHA. It’s just that I’m not used to these social occasions …

ANDREY. Oh, you’re so young, so young and beautiful! Darling, oh, darling, don’t get upset. Believe me, believe me … I feel so good. I feel so full of love and I’m so proud … Oh, they can’t see us! Don’t worry, they can’t see us. I don’t know how I fell in love with you, or when, or why — I just don’t understand any of it. Darling, you’re so sweet and so ordinary … I want you to marry me! I love you, I love you … I’ve never loved anybody before …

(They kiss. Two officers enter, see them kissing, and stop in amazement.

CURTAIN

Okay, so I think the funniest line in this scene? Or potentially funniest line? Is Natasha’s interjected comment to herself: “They’re very informal around here.”