The Books: “‘Dentity Crisis” (Christopher Durang)

Next in my dailiy book excerpt:

More from Christopher Durang Volume I: 27 Short Plays

The following excerpt is from his short play ‘dentity Crisis, a favorite at colleges, and in acting classes. It’s a spoof on the therapy culture. I’m going to post the “Peter Pan” monologue, which, in its way, at least in my world, is very well known. In the world of actors everyone knows this monologue – and people have chosen it so frequently as audition material that now you pretty much are advised NOT to choose it, and find something not so well known. It’s a scene between Jane, the depressed patient, and Summers, the psychiatrist.

EXCERPT FROM ‘dentity Crisis, by Christopher Durang:

JANE. (at piano) I don’t remember taking piano lessons.

SUMMERS. Maybe you’ve repressed it. My wife gave me the message about your attempting suicide. Why did you do it, Jane?

JANE. I can’t stand it. My mother says she’s invented cheese and I start to think maybe she has. There’s a man living in th ehouse and I’m not sure whether he’s my brohter or my father or my grandfather. I can’t be sure of anything anymore.

SUMMERS. You’re talking quite rationally now. And your self-doubts are a sign of health. The truly crazy person never thinks he’s crazy. Now explain to me what led up to your attempted suicide.

JANE. Well, a few days ago I woke up and I heard this voice saying, “It wasn’t enough.”

SUMMERS. Did you recognize the voice?

JANE. Not at first. But then it started to come back to m e. When I was eight years old, someone brought me to a theatre with lots of other children. We had come to see a production of Peter Pan. And I remember something seemed wrong with the whole production, odd things kept happening. Like when the children would fly, the ropes would keep breaking and the actors would come thumping to the ground and they’d have to be carried off by the stagehands. There seemed to be an unlimited supply of understudies to take the children’s places, and then they’d fall to the ground. And then the crocodile that chases Captain Hook seemed to be a real crocodile, it wasn’t an actor, and at one point it fell off the stage, crushing several children in the front row.

SUMMERS. What happened to the children?

JANE. Several understudies came and took their places in the audience. And from scene to scene Wendy seemed to get fatter and fatter until finally by the second act she was immobile and had to be moved with a cart.

SUMMERS. Where does the voice fit in?

JANE. The voice belonged to the actress playing Peter Pan. You remember how in the second act Tinkerbell drinks som epoison that Peter’s about to drink, in order to save him? And then Peter turns to the audience and he says that Tinkerbell’s going to die because not enough people believe in fairies, but that if everybody in the audience claps real hard to show that they do believe in fairies, then maybe Tinkerbell won’t die. And so then all the children started to clap. We clapped very hard and very long. My palms hurt and even started to bleed I clapped so hard. Then suddenly the actress playing Peter Pan turned to the audience and she said, “That wasn’t enough. You didn’t clap hard enough. Tinkerbell’s dead.” Uh … well, and … and then everyone started to cry. The actress stalked offstage and refused to continue with the play, and they finally had to bring down the curtain. No one could see anything through all the tears, and the ushers had to come help the children up the aisles and out into the street. I don’t think any of us were ever the same after that experience.

SUMMERS. How do you think this affected you?

JANE. Well it certainly turned me against theatre; but more damagingly, I think it’s warped my sense of life. You know — nothing seems worth trying if Tinkerbell’s just going to die.

SUMMERS. And so you wanted to die like Tinkerbell.

JANE. No.

SUMMERS. (with importance) Jane. I have to bring my wife to the hospital briefly this afternoon, so I have to go now. But I want you to hold on, and I’ll check back later today. I think you’re going to be all right, but I think you need a complete rest; so when I come back we’ll talk about putting you somewhere for a while.

JANE. You mean committing me.

SUMMERS. No. This would just be a rest home, a completely temporary thing. Tinkerbell just needs her batteries recharged, that’s all. Now you just make your mind a blank, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.

JANE. Thank you. I’ll try to stay quiet ’til you return.