Every now and then I check in with the Search terms on my own blog … you know, the stuff people who read me are looking for. A lot of them are specific movies and actors … which makes sense. People know I write about movies – so they want to know what I said about, say, Life of Brian or whatever. Same with books. People want to know my thoughts on:
John Irving
Lewis Carroll
Marlowe
One person was DESPERATELY looking for ANYTHING I might have written about Jonathan Swift. There were 10 variations on that theme in a row:
Swift
Dr. Swift
Lilliputians Swift
Jonathan Swift
J. Swift
Etc. I actually don’t think I’ve written anything about Swift (which I really should) … and seeing the contortions this poor person put themselves through to find a result made me feel bad, and like I should write a Swiftian essay pronto.
As a matter of fact, this thing I wrote on David O’Hara came from checking in with my search terms, and someone seemed to be DYING to know my thoughts on him. Thankfully, I love David O’Hara, so I blasted it out, to please the masses. Or at least the one poor soul who couldn’t BELIEVE I hadn’t written anything on him yet!
But other search terms … I honestly don’t know what to say.
Why … WHY … would someone put into the Search box in quick succession the four following words:
pee
bladder
peeing
bathroom
Uhm … you are overwhelmingly curious about my urination experiences? WTF?? Do the words YOU ARE A FREAK resonate with you at all?
Some inquiring mind put into the Search box these terms:
had sex
virgin
when had sex
Uhm … wow. There are certain things I choose not to write about, but that doesn’t stop people from trying, desperately, to get the goods.
This one freaked me out:
raped
sheila raped?
rape
raping
Okay. Freak. Don’t ever come back to my site, mkay? Thanks.
One person appeared to be confused about my sexuality, and put in the Search box:
lesbian?
lesbian experiences
I’m a lesbian
See how they got more and more specific with the Search terms, trying to narrow it down? Ya gotta give the person credit for trying.
I guess this is what comes from writing a semi-journalistic blog. If you DON’T share certain things, then people wonder: WHY THE HELL NOT????
And to whoever was dying to know about my bladder, I have this to say:
Yes. I have a bladder. Occasionally I pee. It’s really nothing special. I don’t reinvent the wheel with my urination technique. It’s no big deal. Hope that clears up your confusion.
I had to laugh at the line “occasionally I pee.”
It’s almost like something you’d hear at a Congressional hearing. “Yes, Senator. I have a bladder, and occasionally I pee.”
I don’t have the benefit of specific searches within the blog, but I do get entertaining engine hits.
Based on my search hits, I’ll say that our society has an unhealthy fascination with Tommy Lee’s private parts.
My favorite hit to date? My name, and then +asshole.
tommy – hahahahaha!!
Reinvent the wheel with your pee technique!? Oh my gosh, I must guffaw at that. You’re a ham, Sheila, a great big wonderful goofball genius.
For reasons I can’t fathom, I get “RTG and RAPE” a lot. Same with “Z and Sex with RTG.” Plus don’t even get me started on the “spanking and endorphins”. The ones that freaks me out the most are the “naked kids” and “five year olds f*cking”. That just freaks me out and I do not know why on earth my site pops up. Actually, I take that back. I had a post called “Let The Kids Go Naked, Teresa Kerry says.” I guess I should have named it something else.
RTG – I regret writing about Kurt and Courtney’s daughter (DON’T SAY HER NAME) … because the majority of my traffic comes from people Googling her name. God. I even deleted the stupid post but it’s still in the Google cache, I guess – and people just are dying to know what’s up with the child of the rock stars named after a certain 1940s actress who got a lobotomy – the child WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS.
I was a little worried about your bladder..thanks for setting my mind at ease.
Just so all of your readers know, if you search this site for “James Joyce lesbian bladder virgins,” it will return no entries, so don’t even bother, no matter how badly you want to find out.
emily – hahahahahahaha
I still laugh about you putting “Hey, I hear you can get naked pictures of David O’Hara here” in my Search box. Too feckin’ funny!!
I still think the best one is “hot gay elf sex” turning up an entry about E.B. White.
You know, Charlotte’s Web, gay elf sex…peas in a pod.
bwhahahahaha
But also … just the fact that the term “hot gay elf sex” was searched in the first place!! bwahahahaha
ewww. to all of it. people can be so ewwy.
Well, in a real and searchable sense, you have.
Sheila,
I think I just did that search to give you a chuckle while you were checking your referrer logs. I’ve searched McCabe’s site for “Bill McCabe Orlando Bloom wedding Yankee Stadium” once. I bet he was *furious*.
It may be australias fault. Sheila is slang isn’t it? The peeing and raping is creepy as hell though.