And here is yet another embarrassing installment of the series I call “Diary Friday”. It is Friday, isn’t it? I take old journal entries and post them here, word for word. I am a glutton for punishment.
Today’s is another import from my old blog (sorry Beth, sorry Dad) – and one of the most embarrassing things I have ever read in my life. Hence – it is wonderful “Diary Friday” material.
It’s the first entry in the journal I kept during the O’Malley trip to Ireland, years and years ago. My parents took us all to Ireland for a month I was 14, my youngest sister Siobhan was 4, and there are two other siblings in between. We traveled around as a family in teeny European cars, all staying in two rooms at various B&Bs. It was insane. This journal is mortifyingly embarrassing to read, because I am 14 years old, in the full bloom of self-obsessed adolescence. But it is also painfully funny (Oh, and MikeR – TOTALLY by coincidence, I reference Rick Springfield in the following journal entry – HA!).
I could not resist – I had to add a list of snarky observations at the bottom. I could not let the ridiculous adolescent prose slide by without a comment.
April 3
Logan Airport, 10:00 pm
It is raining like crazy, and it was lightning and thundering. But Anne Ross called Aer Lingus and everything is on schedule. I am psyched but I am pretending that I am cool as a cucumber. I’m going to be very adult on this trip.
As of 10:00 pm I am sitting in a chair after going through that metal zapper machine (without a hitch, I might add) and watching all the punk white sneakers stroll by. I am crazy about white sneakers (Rick Springfield, Rod Stewart, Blackie Parrish and Darryl Hall all wear them), a contributing factor to my fondness for them. I’m pretty punk tonight with my jeans, purple coat and safety pins.
But why am I talking about this??? My family is going to Ireland for a whole month!!! I am going to miss all of my friends incredible. Mere and Betsy and Beth and Kate. I’ve never even been on a plane before and I am stocked up with gum.
I went to a Good Works play last night with Mere, Betsy, and Beth. Brian Cerullo was there. OH GOD. I love those three kids so much Mere, Betsy and Beth. We all hugged and kissed goodbye and this morning I talked to them all on the phone and said, “See ya next month.”
10:15 pm
I am now on the plane all buckled in next to Brendan (thrrrills
he’s gonna talk the whole way). I have a window seat, nanny nanny boo boo. (Oh, how adult I’m being.)
We have a really nice English stewardess. I like her accent. She’s talking to us. Her best friend’s name is Siobhan. Imaaaaaaagine that!
A grease bomb just walked by.
I have never been so frightened. We are going a trillion miles an hour. Don’t let me die. We are up SO high! I’m really scared, folks.
1:00 am (6:00 Irish time)
We just had dinner.
Guess what movie they’re showing FOUL PLAY. Is that a coincidence or what? (I am madly in love with Chevy Chase.)
April 4
County Clare
Watching the sunrise out of the plane windows was gorgeous. All the clouds were pink and orange and we couldn’t even see the ocean. And flying in over Ireland oh, it was so pretty! All of the fields divided by hedges oh, it was so wild. But I forgot to chew gum on the way down and it felt as if someone was pounding on my head with a hammer. I hurt incredibly.
We had to stand in line at the Shannon airport and wait around. We got this tiny gold car that is so cute. We drove around those winding streets lined with tall hedges and after an hour or so we found a place to stay – McMahon’s Bed and Breakfast Place. It is in Ennistymon. The beds are so comfortable (featherbeds) and Mrs. McMahon is so nice. So are all the people here. They all wave. We unwound for an hour or so and then we went down the street to the Falls Hotel. There we found a river and beautiful waterfalls. Dad took some pictures and then we took off in the car for the Cliffs of Moher. The roads were thin and high and we could look down over the hills and thatched roofs . It was great!
But the cliffs! They were SO incredible. I felt quite nauseous because they were so high. I only went up to this tiny stone castle but Jean, Brendan and Dad went all the way up to the top. It was SO FAR DOWN. I almost couldn’t look.
We took a different ride home and on the way back we stopped in Kilfenora to watch an Irish football game. We stopped and we asked this girl if we had missed the whole thing. And she said in her Irish brogue, “No, we’ve got another half to go.” I like listening to them talk.
We watched the game and it was not at all like our football. The ball was round and they dribbled and pushed and shoved. It was kind of neat.
But I was wiped out and slept the whole way home. I went upstairs and wrote letters to Betsy, Mere, and Beth until supper. We washed up and Mrs. McMahon served us soup and lamb and homemade French fries. It was delicious. Jean loved the soup but I didn’t, so I drank some of my broth, then we secretly switched bowls. Brendan started to cry at supper. It was all very embarrassing.
After supper we went upstairs and we took care of Siobhan while Mum and Dad went for a walk.
I listened to my SK Pades tape and then got into my pjs. I was the only one who got into my pajamas.
God, I am so tired. I’m going to bed.
Comments on the above from my present-day self:
Here are things I noticed:
— White sneakers are “punk”, Sheila? “PUNK”? Uh … Are you sure about that? Sid Vicious is punk, okay? Putting one safety pin through the lapel of the purple coat you bought at Weathervane does not make you punk. Also, “white sneakers” were never punk. Ever.
— Additionally: Blackie Parrish???? HAHAHA That was the character John Stamos played on “General Hospital” and I thought I had never seen a better looking man in my life. But I suppose the REAL appeal was that he ‘wore white sneakers’. Jesus, Sheila, that is just so crazy.
— I went to the trouble to buy chewing gum to guard against ear-popping during the plane-landing. And then completely forgot to use the gum until it was too late.
— I start the entry at “10:00 pm”. I write a couple of paragraphs. Then I state “10:15 pm.” It’s not like a huge gap, like I wrote the first section at 10:00 am, and the next time I mention the time it’s 3:00 pm. Like: a lot can happen in 6 hours that would warrant an update. But I clearly had only been writing for about 15 minutes! What is the purpose of listing that “10:15 pm”? Obviously nothing earth-shattering had gone down since I had written “10:00 pm”.
— I am embarrassed at how mean and annoyed I was by my little brother Brendan. Brendan was so homesick he never really got over the fact that he was in Ireland. To this day, Brendan remembers nothing about our trip. Siobhan, who was 4 years old, probably remembers more. Recently, Brendan said to me, “The only thing I remember was that I accidentally put salt on my corn flakes, and then had to eat the whole thing.”
— The line “I’m really scared, folks” makes me blush with mortification. Folks? Who ya’ talkin’ to, Sheila?
— “I listened to my SK Pades tape”. Now, I am not even sure what I am referring to here. SK Pades is a variety show, put on by the junior class every year at my high school. It’s meant to bond the class together so that they can then face the difficult last year. But it’s for the JUNIOR class. I was only a freshman at the time of the trip to Ireland. So … what I am gathering is that I had snuck a tape recorder into the SK Pades of that year, the class two years ahead of me, taped the whole thing, and then hauled the tape around Ireland with me, listening to it like a lunatic. Please remember, too, that this was pre-Walkman. Or, if there were Walkmans in existence, I sure didn’t have one. So when I say “I listened to my SK Pades tape” what that means is that I had a little cassette recorder, and played the damn tape for all to hear, which also means that saying “I listened to the tape” is not quite correct. What it means is “I made everybody in my room at the B&B listen to the SK Pades tape with me.” I was clearly insane, and probably should have been in an institution.
Oh my God…Blackie Parrish…my older sister got me addicted to GH back in those days. Rick Springfield…what was his character’s name? Noah Something? Jack Wagner was on the show back in those days. He and Blackie were in a band. Their hit single was called “Sneak Attack”.
I’m going to go kill myself for knowing all of this.
Noah. Yes, you are right. I was blinded by his white sneakers. But I don’t remember his last name.
And Jack Wagner! Didn’t he have a hit on Top 40 all on his own? I can’t remember the title … “She takes my breath away…” Oh, no, that was Rex Smith.
I wasn’t into Jack Wagner because he was too Wasp-y, and he had no lips. I always went for the bad boys, and Blackie Parrish was a proto-type.
I do not remember “Sneak Attack” and for that I am profoundly grateful.
Sheila,
I find these diary entries very charming. You should not be embarrassed. I shudder to think what any reflections I had at 14 might sound like. I think it is very interesting that you had the same “voice” then that you have now. Your writing, like you, has developed and matured, but you had your writer’s voice even then. By the way, that’s where that “folks” came from–the audience in your head that you still speak to today. It’s the same with the “10:00pm” and “10:15pm.” As are all good writers, you are a keen observer–you were now on the plane, and setting the time with the place seems perfectly reasonable. I just wonder what happened at 10:19pm–or 10:23pm.
Sheila, to jog your memory on the Jack Wagner front (and to humiliate myself that much further):
All I neeeeeeed
Is just a little more time
To be sure what I feeeeel
Is it all in my mind
Cause it seems so hard to belieeeeeeeve
That you’re all I need.
You’re lucky you don’t remember that other dreadful song. Sometimes I wake up nights, in a cold sweat, discombobulated and panicked, as the chorus drifts through my mind…
Of course. “All I neeeeed…”
I could make some comments about the utter indecisiveness of his lyrics but I will refrain. Then again, no, I won’t: Hey Jack, you don’t know if “what you feel” is “all in your mind”? What kind of an asshole can’t figure that out? And “it’s hard to believe” that “you’re all I need” – What is so hard to believe about it, bub? How MUCH more time do you neeeeeeeed?
David –
I guess I’m embarrassed by the fact that I was cheerily referring to my journal as “folks” because it makes me seem crazy – but yeah, I did always have an invisible audience. In fact, they’re all standing around my desk right now, staring at me.
There are instances in these old journals where I do state the time as: 12:17 pm, etc. Insane. Like anyone would go through my journals and check the accuracy.
Blackie Parish? In love with Chevie Chase!? I would mock you for that, except I seem to recall having a large childhood crush on the girl from the ‘Witch Mountain’ Disney films.
And let us not even mention Emmie Jo from New Zoo Review. It wasn’t until years later that I finally figured out why I liked that show so much.
Witch Mountain!!
I actually had a crush on that girl, too. Tia was her name, I believe.
Again – that movie/book had my favorite theme: little kids on their own, orphaned or otherwise, having scary adventures.
I was DEEPLY in love with Chevy Chase. DEEPLY. It came about after I saw the movie “Foul Play” with Goldie Hawn.
I do have to say this: when I saw the word DEEPLY in conjunction with Chevy Chase, I burst out laughing.
Tia! Yes, thank you.
Oh Dan you have no idea how DEEP that love went.
I’m sure it couldn’t hold a candle, however, to the power of your feelings for Emmie Joe.
Dr. Noah Drake. And that’s all I saying.
I wasn’t mocking your crush now, it’s just that I can’t think of Chase himself as ‘deep’ – especially since he did that AFLAC commercial with the reallybad make-up job. Poor guy.
My feelings for Emmie Jo were entirely pure as I was too young to have any other kind. All I knew was I liked her a damned sight better than the screeching dacning hippo.
Anyhoo, you’re rather brave for posting journal entries from high school. I usually cringe when I think of those years.
Red, nothing we say at 14 can later be held against us in a court of law or public opinion. It’s in the Constitution. And in this case, there’s really nothing that bad in there anyway.
If that sort of stuff could be held against you, I’d probably be incarcerated as we speak for my youthful obsession with Diana Ross…
Chevy Chase is one of the least-deep comedians I know. I couldn’t see him making a Bill Murray-like transformation … But you never know. Weirder things have happened.
I should see Foul Play again – just to figure out what the fuss was all abuot. I remember there was a terrifying Albino in it, and a terrifying Dwarf-midget man … and a huge backstage fight-scene during a performance of The Mikado…
Where Chevy fit into all of that, I have no idea.
Oh, and Dan, about cringing:
Believe me when I say “I cringe” when I post these things. I just think it’s kind of funny to make myself cringe, on occasion.
And if I can bring up mortifying 14 year old memories in other people … well, then I feel I have done my job!
MikeR,
Actually, having an obsession with Diana Ross seems pretty cool (her current legal difficulties notwithstanding). Definitely not as goofy as having an obsession with Blackie Parrish!
Between the “Chevy Chase” obsession and “nanny nanny boo boo” I’m speechless.
Emily probably thought Blackie Parrish was an elf.
Oh my GOD!! This could be the most brilliant thing you’ve ever done in your entire life. This could be such a great play! This makes me piss my pants! I could get addicted to this format of writing. I don’t know what I love more, the entries or the comments. When I read the entry I felt a twinge of embarassment for this self-obsessed, clearly deeply sensitive, adolescent girl who is obviously writing her diary as if it would be published someday, and lo and behold she was right. Except she had no idea she would be publishing it herself on her own blog and commenting on it. It mercilessly brings me back in touch with that adolescent boy inside me and mercifully lets me chide myself with such acceptance and warmth.
I feel like I’m writing a review.
I need more of this Sheila!
Yo. David. Stop by every Friday. Friday is “let’s post mortifying stuff from our past” day.
I love reading all the comments, too.
Because you know what? We have ALL been there. In that state.
I’m still amazed that I was under the mistaken impression that bright white sneakers were somehow “punk”
Oh and David – thanks for the beautiful acknowledgement. You’re the best. Can’t wait to see you next week.
I never thought Blackie Parrish was an elf. The only elves I knew of back in those days were the Keebler dudes.
Sheila,
that was fantastic! I agree with Dan about you already having your “writers voice”. Sounds just like you, but younger.
You’re braver than me. I recently found a letter I wrote to a friend when I was 18 and never sent. It made me cringe so hard, what with the fake boasting and posturing, that I had to throw it away! It was so bad I couldn’t even laugh.
melisa –
I totally feel your pain! I recall being 14 years old and I remember having “deep” experiences – but damn, it doesn’t seem to come out in my writing! Or at least not to my ears. I CRINGE.
But on some level I enjoy unearthing that long-ago girl. She had a voice. It’s okay that it’s not perfect, and articulate. It’s her voice. I want to share it.
Or that’s what I keep telling myself.
Look out for the midgets..they’re takin’ over the world…
God, Mere, we loved that movie … I remember watching it at your house probably 5 times
I am Sheila and i love my name.It`s just that i do not understand that who is this sheila and what was famous about her?
When will you reply me, sheila