Famous Epitaphs
A reader sent me a bit of trivia she thought I might be interested in (she was right!)
John Keats, great poet, who died in 1821, wrote his own epitaph, which is as follows:
“Here lies one whose name was writ in water.”
But actually, the full epitaph reads like this:
This Grave
contains all that was Mortal
of a
Young English Poet
Who
on his Death Bed
in the Bitterness of his Heart
at the Malicious Power of his Enemies
Desired
these words to be engraved on his Tomb Stone
“Here lies One Whose Name was writ in Water.”
“the Malicious Power of his Enemies” … Woah.
So this got me to thinking about epitaphs in general. As a kid, me and my siblings had to memorize William Butler Yeats’ epitaph, in order to get our allowance of 50 measly cents. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could knock that epitaph out of my brain.
It is:
Cast a cold eye
On life On death
Horseman pass by
Damn. Now that is something. I could ponder that forever.
There are a couple of other relatively famous epitaphs I am familiar with – (I used to plan out, as a teenager, what I wanted on my tombstone – Finally, I settled on “After life’s fitful fever, she sleeps” – Shakespeare – I was insane. I was 15 years old, picking out the best epitaph for myself.)
Anyway, speaking of Shakespeare, here is his epitaph, written on his grave in Stratford-on-Avon:
Good friend for Jesus’s sake forbear
To dig the dust enclosed here
Blest be the man that spares these stones
And cursed be he that moves my bones
We won’t move your bones, Will. We promise.
Other epitaphs I know by heart – I don’t know if any of my readers out there also have an interest in this kind of thing – but if you do, feel free to pipe up.
Jack Dempsey’s epitaph was (and I LOVE this):
A Gentle Man and a Gentleman
Robert Frost has as his epitaph (and this is certainly something to keep me up at night, pondering):
I had A Lover’s Quarrel With The World
Me too. Me too.
Emily Dickinson, like Keats, wrote her own. It says it all:
Called Back
F. Scott Fitzgerald has, as his epitaph, the famous last line of Gatsby:
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly
into the past.
(Come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind having that as my epitaph either … Hm. Must make a note of it.)
Thomas Jefferson wrote his own:
Here was buried Thomas Jefferson,
author of the Declaration of American Independence,
of the statute of Virginia for religious freedom,
and father of the University of Virginia.
And of course, the epitaph of the Unknown Soldier, which everybody knows:
Here Rests in
Honored Glory
An American
Soldier
Known But to God
And finally – Jack London – who has this mysterious phrase as his epitaph:
The Stone the Builders Rejected
Famous Last Words
Another small obsessive side of me collects “famous last words”. A couple of years ago I met a man at a party – and very soon into our conversing, we realized that we both had little compilations of “famous last words” – We loved them. We shared notes, sending emails back and forth, exchanging “last words”. Needless to say, I fell madly madly madly in love with him in a 24 hour period. Oh MAN did I have it bad for this guy. It didn’t work out, sadly, but I still have a nice little compilation of “famous last words”. So here they be:
John Adams – died July 4, 1826 “Thomas Jefferson–still survives…” (He didn’t know Jefferson had died earlier the same day – They both died on July 4?? I mean – come ON)
On the exact same day, Thomas Jefferson died. He began slipping in and out of a coma. At one point, he woke up and said, “Is it the Fourth?” Then he died. I have tears in my eyes. I have no idea if that is actually true – or just a rumor – It is reported in his biographies, with caveats – “Rumor has it…” etc. But I choose to believe it.
Ethan Allen, American Revolutionary general, died in 1789, and was told by his doctor, “General, I fear the angels are waiting for you.” Ethan Allen responded, “Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well–let ’em wait.” Those were his last words.
Lady Nancy Astor, fell very ill, and woke up, to find her entire family standing around her bed. She said, “Am I dying or is this my birthday?” These were her last words.
James Joyce apparently said, as his last words, “Does nobody understand?” I don’t seem to recall this fact being told in the Ellmann biography, though, so it may not be true. No, Jim, nobody really does understand – but your work will live on regardless. Genius lives. Understanding is over-rated.
Tallulah Bankhead, wild-woman actress, died in 1968. Her last words were, “Codeine . . . bourbon.”
P. T. Barnum, died in 1891. His last words were, “How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?”
I think my favorite might be Beethoven’s last words: “Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.” Jesus. Amazing.
Humphrey Bogart’s last words are almost TOO perfect. “I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.” Classic.
Napoleon died, murmuring, “Josephine … Josephine …”
Oh, and the following was a contribution from the man I met at the party. chIt is so damn funny.
Dominique Bouhours, who was one of those strict hard-nosed French grammarians, died in 1702. Last words were: “I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.”
Tacitus tells us that Caligula, who was stabbed to death by his own guards in 41 AD, had as his last words the following scream: “I am still alive!”
Louise, Queen of Prussia, who died in 1820, faced the harsh realities in her last moments, and said, before dying, “I am a Queen, but I have not the power to move my arms.”
Chekhov’s last words are also a personal favorite of mine. They seem to encapsulate exactly what I love about his writing, his outlook on life: “I am dying. I haven’t drunk champagne for a long time.”
Chopin’s last words are horrific. He died of tuberculosis. His last words are: “The earth is suffocating . . . Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won’t be buried alive.” A terrible death.
Very different from Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s last words. Her husband asked her how she felt. She replied, “Beautiful” and died. You couldn’t ask for a nicer death.
Winston’s Churchill’s last words before slipping into a coma were: “I’m bored with it all.” 9 days after saying that, he died.
Joan Crawford, the old bitch, was on her death-bed. Her housekeeper started to pray out loud to God. Joan Crawford snapped, “Damn it . . . Don’t you dare ask God to help me.” Then Mommie Dearest died.
Karl Marx died in 1883. As he lay dying, his housekeeper apparently raced in with a pad of paper, and hovered over him, waiting, literally waiting for him to die, so that she could write down his last words for posterity. Marx barked at her, “Go on, get out – last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.”
Teddy Roosevelt said, bluntly, “Put out the light.” and then died.
Charles Darwin, unsurprisingly, stated, “I am not the least afraid to die.” And then promptly died.
(It’s incredible how people reveal themselves so completely in these intimate vulnerable last moments.)
I find Edison’s last words so comforting, so mysterious. I wonder what it was he saw: “It is very beautiful over there.”
Eugene O’Neill’s last words, which hold a world of grief and loss, and he’s also PISSED, “I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room – and God damn it – died in a hotel room.”
Edmund Gwenn, an actor in the 30s and 40s (Miracle on 34th Street, Life with Father, a couple of Lassie films) said, when someone asked him if it was “tough” facing death: “Yes, it’s tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.” Then he died. God bless him.
Victor Hugo said, as his last words before death, something which chills me, “I see black light.” Maybe he saw a “darkling plain”.
Boris Pasternak died saying the following, and I know it’s uncompassionate of me, but I find his last words rather comical: “Good-bye . . . why am I hemorrhaging?”
Anna Pavlova, one of the most famous ballerinas who ever lived, said before she died, in 1931, “Get my swan costume ready.”
General John Sedgwick, Union Commander in the Civil War, was killed in battle in 1864, saying, “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist. . . .”
A relatively famous (and comi-tragic) one is the last words of Dylan Thomas, who reportedly said, “I’ve had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that’s the record . . .”
This next one cracks my heart in two. Jesus. If he only knew. Leonardo DaVinci’s last words were, “I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.”
Oscar Wilde’s might be the most famous of all, and for good reason. “Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.” Clearly, the wallpaper stayed.
This post is a classic, Sheila. Well done!
One thing, though. I apologize for my stupid peeve, but if you’re going to refer to Leonardo Da Vinci with one name, you should call him Leonardo, as his name literally translates as Leonardo From Vinci. Calling him Da Vinci is like referring to William of Orange as Of Orange.
Again, I’m sorry, but years studying under an art history teacher who would beat me about the wrists over this has left me with complex about it.
Good to know. So … does the author of The DaVinci Code need to know this??
I bet if my teacher beat him about the wrists, he’d probably ask his publisher to change the title.
The Sedgwick quote is one of my all time favorites.
Epitaph of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle – “Steel True, Blade Straight.”
I know. It’s almost like a Mel Brooks joke or something.
“No, really, I’ve never felt better in my l—” (splat)
Dan –
Wow. Thank you.
Your welcome. And Dylan Thomas’ last words reminded me of a (probably apocraphyl) story about the time he spoke at my alma mate; I’m trying to recall the details as I remember it being kinda funny.
Dan –
Perhaps you will remember it under hypnosis?? I’d like to hear it.
I’ll have to check with some class mates.
and since we’re ‘speaking’ of death, I just heard Bob Keeshan(sp?) aka Captain Kangaroo died. For some reason that makes me sad.
Parting Words
Sheila
O'Malley has a great post concerning epitaphs and the utterances of those throwing in the
chips.
My personal favorite has to be Oscar Wilde:
"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do."
Captain Kangaroo died? I didn’t know!
Sadly true:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/01/23/captain.kangaroo.dead/
“One who possessed beauty without vanity,
strength without insolence,
courage without ferocity,
and all the virtues of man,
without his vices.
This praise would be unmeaning flattery if inscribed over human ashes,
is but a just tribute to the memory of my dog.”
Lord Byron
Reports don’t by any chance note what his last words were? Any guesses?
“Mr. Green Jeans, here I come…”
Emily –
HAHA
Or Ann Miller’s last words?
“God bless Louis B. Mayer…I’ll tap off into the sunset now, chicklets …”
I think they were “ping pong balls!”
How about a deathbed confession: “to be honest…I’ve always kind of hated children”.
Or: “To tell you the truth, I was in it for the money and the hot babes.”
“Lector Si Monumentum Requiris Circumspice” (Reader, if you seek his monument, look about you).
–epitaph of Sir Christopher Wren, in the crypt of his archictectural crowning glory, St. Paul’s Cathedral
Ever see Death to Smoochy? Horrible movie, but one of the characters is a childrens show host groupie.
Dave J –
Now THAT is nice. He left his good works behind. That’s beautiful.
And Noggie – Gotta love Byron, huh? That’s terrific.
Bill – I did not see that movie – but didn’t you, me, and Steve Silver discuss it at his New Year’s Eve party? I’m having a flashback…
Sheila,
Now that you mention it, I believe the movie did come up. It’s worth watching, if you’re sick in bed and Bob Ross’s Joy of Painting isn’t on PBS.
Great post, red.
Some of these are so apropos you have to wonder whether they might be apocryphal – could the Teddy Roosevelt one be more perfect? Here are a couple others I ran across in a quick search that seem especially apt:
Joan of Arc (1412-1431)
“Hold the cross high so I may see it through the flames!”
Picasso, Pablo (1881-1973)
“Drink to me!”
Jack London:
The stone the builders rejected….has become the conerstone. That’s the rest of that citation from scripture. It adds more to be contemplated, don’t you think?
I, an American, have also composed my own epitaph, for the contemplation of my countrymen:
“I never liked any of you sonsofbitches, but I always wished I could have.”
Word.
What I hope to do today
Instead of a what I did today entry, this is a what I hope to do today entry. Upgrading Eudora (My email program) this morning to the latest version. Ive been using Eudora for about five years now. Its very good software and Ive always liked it….
Patrick –
Holy shit. That is amazing.
I believe mine will be: “Oh Shi–” promptly followed by the spectacular destruction of whatever car/bike/plane/etc I’m in control of at the time. :)
Two more from Civil War figures:
Stonewall Jackson “Let us cross over the river and rest in the shade of the trees.”
Robert E. Lee: “Strike the tent.”
And, via Jeff Foxworthy, one that is only too true and I can report it was I am from West Virginia and reside among these “The last words of many a good ol’ boy ‘Hey, everybody, watch this.'”
There’s an old story told in my family of an ancestor who rose up on her deathbed, exclaimed “Oh the flames!” and promptly died.
As I understand it she wasn’t the godfearing type so it might well be true.
-bp
My favorite last words have always been those of Socrates: “I drank what?”
Robert E. Howard, the master of pulp fiction and creator of Conan the Barbarian, last words before committing suicide were:
All fled, all done
So lift me on the pyre
The feast is over
And the lamps expire
My tombstone will be engraved with:
It feels good to lie down
Personally, I believe a red necks last words will always be:
“Hey ya’ll…watch this!”
Very cool page, lots to think about. I want my epitaph to read:
“Yeah, but you should see the other guy.”
It was a very nice page. The only thing I would like to say is that you should have a part of the web page that has a search engine so that it would be more organized and people would be able to get the information they need quickly.