The Books: “The Importance of Being Earnest ” (Oscar Wilde)

Next in my Daily Book Excerpt:

Next on my script shelf:

Next play on the shelf is The Importance of Being Earnest.

Ah, Earnest. Just the thought of this play makes me laugh. Mistaken identities, misunderstandings, country vs. city … deception. The men in this play employ deception when it is convenient to them. They all seem to have second identities, secret imaginary friends (Bunbury is Algernon’s imaginary invalid friend whom he uses whenever he wants to get out of anything), Jack pretends his name is “Ernest” when he’s in the city … Jack proposes to Gwendolen but she says she would prefer to be married to someone named “Ernest” because it sounds more aristocratic. (The play’s all about status, too – class. Jack is too low a status for Gwendolen – at least according to her aunt, Lady Bracknell) Back in the country, we meet little Cecily, who is Jack’s ‘ward’. Miss Prism is Cecily’s governess, and she sings Jack’s praises to Cecily, comparing him very favorably to his wicked brother Ernest. Algernon arrives (Jack won’t be arriving until the following Monday) and pretends to be this mythical wicked brother Ernest. Unfortunately, Jack arrives early dressed in mourning clothes – claiming that his brother Ernest has died. He is shocked to find Algernon already there – pretending to be his brother. Who is supposed to be dead. He tries to shuffle Algernon back to the city but it is too late – Algernon has already fallen in love with little country-mouse Cecily, and wants to propose to her. When he does propose to Cecily, she takes out her little diary and shows him the evidence that she (just like Gwendolen) has always wanted to marry someone named Ernest. In the middle of all of this, Miss Gwendolen (glamorous city mouse) arrives – in pursuit of Jack – and finds that Cecily – his “ward” – is actually a beautiful young woman. Gwendolen and Cecily have a brilliant biting scene over tea, they’re trading barbs, psyching each other out … and they both realize that they are both engaged to someone named “Ernest Worthing”. Has anyone actually ever SEEN Ernest Worthing? Jack and Algernon arrive and try to straighten the situation out – but in the process, they piss both women off. The men agree to be re-christened as Ernest – and this seems to be a good solution to all. Lady Bracknell then shows up and demands to know the marriage plans of everyone. She consents to Algernon marrying Cecily (when she learns of Cecily’s fortune). Jack, though, says that he will not consent to Cecily marrying unless he is allowed to marry Gwendolen (Lady Bracknell is still concerned about his lowly birth, etc.). A reverend then arrives and says he is ready for “the christenings”. Anyway, through a final twist of fate – it soon is revealed that Miss Prism was actually the same governess who “lost” Lady Bracknell’s own nephew 28 years before … and … soon after this revelation, it is revealed that Jack, of the so-called lowly status, is actually Algernon’s older brother – son of Ernest Montcrieff – who died many years ago. So Jack now really is Ernest. And all’s well that ends well. Jack gets Gwendolen, Algernon gets Cecily … and both men realize (finally) how important it it to be “earnest”.

I’ll excerpt the scene between Cecily and Gwendolen – and at the end Algernon and Jack both come in … and the tangled web gets even more tangled. It’s way over-done (at least in acting classes. Every 3rd actress in the room works on this scene at one time or another.) – but there’s a reason it’s worked on all the time. Because it’s a classically put-together scene, it can’t be improved upon. It’s a perfect example of two objectives battling one another. Only secretly. Just as we do in real life.

EXCERPT FROM The Importance of Being Earnest, by Oscar Wilde

MERRIMAN. Shall I lay tea here as usual, Miss?

CECILY. [Sternly, in a calm voice.] Yes, as usual. [Merriman begins to clear table and lay cloth. A long pause. Cecily and Gwendolen glare at each other.]

GWENDOLEN. Are there many interesting walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardew?

CECILY. Oh! yes! a great many. From the top of one of the hills quite close one can see five counties.

GWENDOLEN. Five counties! I don�t think I should like that; I hate crowds.

CECILY. [Sweetly.] I suppose that is why you live in town? [Gwendolen bites her lip, and beats her foot nervously with her parasol.]

GWENDOLEN. [Looking round.] Quite a well-kept garden this is, Miss Cardew.

CECILY. So glad you like it, Miss Fairfax.

GWENDOLEN. I had no idea there were any flowers in the country.

CECILY. Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.

GWENDOLEN. Personally I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in the country, if anybody who is anybody does. The country always bores me to death.

CECILY. Ah! This is what the newspapers call agricultural depression, is it not? I believe the aristocracy are suffering very much from it just at present. It is almost an epidemic amongst them, I have been told. May I offer you some tea, Miss Fairfax?

GWENDOLEN. [With elaborate politeness.] Thank you. [Aside.] Detestable girl! But I require tea!

CECILY. [Sweetly.] Sugar?

GWENDOLEN. [Superciliously.] No, thank you. Sugar is not fashionable any more. [Cecily looks angrily at her, takes up the tongs and puts four lumps of sugar into the cup.]

CECILY. [Severely.] Cake or bread and butter?

GWENDOLEN. [In a bored manner.] Bread and butter, please. Cake is rarely seen at the best houses nowadays.

CECILY. [Cuts a very large slice of cake, and puts it on the tray.] Hand that to Miss Fairfax.

[Merriman does so, and goes out with footman. Gwendolen drinks the tea and makes a grimace. Puts down cup at once, reaches out her hand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake. Rises in indignation.]

GWENDOLEN. You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.

CECILY. [Rising.] To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which I would not go.

GWENDOLEN. From the moment I saw you I distrusted you. I felt that you were false and deceitful. I am never deceived in such matters. My first impressions of people are invariably right.

CECILY. It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time. No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character to make in the neighbourhood.

[Enter Jack.]

GWENDOLEN. [Catching sight of him.] Ernest! My own Ernest!

JACK. Gwendolen! Darling! [Offers to kiss her.]

GWENDOLEN. [Draws back.] A moment! May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady? [Points to Cecily.]

JACK. [Laughing.] To dear little Cecily! Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?

GWENDOLEN. Thank you. You may! [Offers her cheek.]

CECILY. [Very sweetly.] I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax. The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing.

GWENDOLEN. I beg your pardon?

CECILY. This is Uncle Jack.

GWENDOLEN. [Receding.] Jack! Oh!

[Enter Algernon.]

CECILY. Here is Ernest.

ALGERNON. [Goes straight over to Cecily without noticing any one else.] My own love! [Offers to kiss her.]

CECILY. [Drawing back.] A moment, Ernest! May I ask you – are you engaged to be married to this young lady?

ALGERNON. [Looking round.] To what young lady? Good heavens! Gwendolen!

CECILY. Yes! to good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen.

ALGERNON. [Laughing.] Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?

CECILY. Thank you. [Presenting her cheek to be kissed.] You may. [Algernon kisses her.]

GWENDOLEN. I felt there was some slight error, Miss Cardew. The gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr. Algernon Moncrieff.

CECILY. [Breaking away from Algernon.] Algernon Moncrieff! Oh! [The two girls move towards each other and put their arms round each other�s waists protection.]

CECILY. Are you called Algernon?

ALGERNON. I cannot deny it.

CECILY. Oh!

GWENDOLEN. Is your name really John?

JACK. [Standing rather proudly.] I could deny it if I liked. I could deny anything if I liked. But my name certainly is John. It has been John for years.

CECILY. [To Gwendolen.] A gross deception has been practised on both of us.

GWENDOLEN. My poor wounded Cecily!

CECILY. My sweet wronged Gwendolen!

GWENDOLEN. [Slowly and seriously.] You will call me sister, will you not? [They embrace. Jack and Algernon groan and walk up and down.]

CECILY. [Rather brightly.] There is just one question I would like to be allowed to ask my guardian.

GWENDOLEN. An admirable idea! Mr. Worthing, there is just one question I would like to be permitted to put to you. Where is your brother Ernest? We are both engaged to be married to your brother Ernest, so it is a matter of some importance to us to know where your brother Ernest is at present.

JACK. [Slowly and hesitatingly.] Gwendolen – Cecily – it is very painful for me to be forced to speak the truth. It is the first time in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painful position, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind. However, I will tell you quite frankly that I have no brother Ernest. I have no brother at all. I never had a brother in my life, and I certainly have not the smallest intention of ever having one in the future.

CECILY. [Surprised.] No brother at all?

JACK. [Cheerily.] None!

GWENDOLEN. [Severely.] Had you never a brother of any kind?

JACK. [Pleasantly.] Never. Not even of any kind.

GWENDOLEN. I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to any one.

CECILY. It is not a very pleasant position for a young girl suddenly to find herself in. Is it?

GWENDOLEN. Let us go into the house. They will hardly venture to come after us there.

CECILY. No, men are so cowardly, aren�t they?

[They retire into the house with scornful looks.]