The Books: “The Strangest Kind of Romance” (Tennessee Williams)

Next on the script shelf:

Still in Tennessee Williams land. Funny – my sister Jean said to me last night: “Uhm … will we moving on soon? I had NO IDEA the guy wrote so much. Sheesh … take a break, buddy!!” haha

Next Tennessee Williams play on the shelf is a one-act called The Strangest Kind of Romance, included in 27 Wagons Full of Cotton And Other One-Act Plays.

It takes place (of course) in a rooming-house. A falling-down rooming house in an industrial town. The factory chugs away outside the window. It starts with the landlady showing a room to a potential tenant (the character name is Little Man). The tenant is a nervous sickly man, who shakes uncontrollably. He hopes to get a job at the factory. She shows him the room – all the men who have stayed there before have written their names on the wall. And one of them left a cat behind. The cat stays in the room and is a character in the play. The nervous man ends up taking the room basically because he feels a bond with the cat. The landlady is a talkative blowsy woman who pretty much accepts whatever male tenant comes as her lover, because her husband is ill. The nervous man kind of falls into a thing with the landlady – but the “strangest kind of romance” in the title is the romance between the man and the cat. The man has never loved anything. He loves this cat.

I’ll excerpt from the second scene. It opens with the Little Man telling the sleeping cat about his day. He talks and talks and talks … and the Landlady ends up walking in on this. Oh, and the Landlady also carried around a balalaika with her, and plays it occasionally. She sits down and starts to talk to the Little Man.

From The Strangest Kind of Romance, by Tennessee Williams.

LANDLADY. Some nights I hear you — talking through the door. Who is he talking to, I used to wonder. [She chuckles] At first I imagined you had a woman in here. Well, I’m a tolerant woman. I know what people need is more than food and more than work at the plant. [She plays dreamily for a moment] So when I heard that talking I was pleased. I said to myself — “That lonely little man has found a woman!” I only hoped it wasn’t one picked up — you know — on the street. Women like that aren’t likely to be very clean. Female hygiene’s a lot more — complicated. Well … [The Little Man looks down in an agony of embarrassment[

LITTLE MAN. It wasn’t — a woman.

LANDLADY. I know. I found that out. Just you. Carrying on a one-sided conversation with a cat! Funny, yes — but kind of pitiful, too. You a man not even middle-aged yet — devoting all that care and time and affection — on what? A stray alleycat you inherited just by chance from the man who stayed here before you, that fool of a Russian! The strangest kind of a romance … a man — and a cat! What we mustn’t do is disregard nature. Nature says — “Man takes woman or — man is lonesome!” [She smiles at him coyly and moves a little closer] Nature has certainly never said, “Man take cat!”

LITTLE MAN. [suddenly, awkwardly rising] Nature has never said anything to me.

LANDLADY. [impatiently] Because you wouldn’t listen!

LITTLE MAN. Oh, I listened. But all I ever heard was my own voice — asking me troublesome questions!

LANDLADY. You hear me, don’t you?

LITTLE MAN. I hear you singing when I come home sometimes. That’s very good, I like it.

LANDLADY. Then why don’t you stop in the parlor and have a chat? Why do you act so bashful? [She rises and stands back of him] We could talk — have fun! When you took this room you gave me a false impression.

LITTLE MAN. What do you mean?

LANDLADY. Have you forgotten the conversation we had?

LITTLE MAN. I don’t remember any conversation.

LANDLADY. You said you wanted to do just like the Russian.

LITTLE MAN. I meant about the cat, to have her with me!

LANDLADY. I told you he also helped about the house!

LITTLE MAN. I’m on the night-shift now!

LANDLADY. Quit dodging the issue! [There is a pause and then she touches his shoulder] I thought I explained things to you. My husband’s a chronic invalid, codein, now, twice a day! Naturally I have — lots of steam to blow off! [The Little Man moves nervously away. She follows ponderously, reaching above her to switch off the electric globe] Now — that’s better, ain’t it?

LITTLE MAN. I don’t think I know — exactly.

LANDLADY. You ain’t satisfied with the room?

LITTLE MAN. I like the room.

LANDLADY. I had the idea you wasn’t satisfied with it.

LITTLE MAN. The room is home. I like it.

LANDLADY. The way you avoided having a conversation — almost ran past the front room every night. Why don’t we talk together? The cat’s got your tongue?

LITTLE MAN. You wouldn’t be talking — to me.

LANDLADY. I’m talking to you — direckly!

LITTLE MAN. Not to me.

LANDLADY. You! me! Where is any third party?

LITTLE MAN. There isn’t a second party.

LANDLADY. What?

LITTLE MAN. You’re only talking to something you think is me.

LANDLADY. Now we are getting in deep.

LITTLE MAN. You made me say it. [turning to face her] I’m not like you, a solid, touchable being.

LANDLADY. Words — wonderful! The cat’s let go of your tongue?

LITTLE MAN. You’re wrong if you think I’m — a person! I’m not — no person! At all …

LANDLADY. What are you, then, little man?

LITTLE MAN. [sighing and struggling] A kind of a — ghost of a — man …

LANDLADY. [laughing] So you’re not Napoleon, you’re Napoleon’s ghost!

LITTLE MAN. When a body is born in the world — it can’t back out ….

LANDLADY. Huh?

LITTLE MAN. But sometimes —

LANDLADY. What?

LITTLE MAN. [with a bewildered gesture] The body is only — a shell. It may be alive — when what’s inside — is too afraid to come out! It stays locked up and alone! Single! Private! That’s how it is — with me. You’re not talkingn to me — but just what you think is me!

LANDLADY. [laughing, gently] Such a lot of words. You’ve thrown me the dictionary. All you needed to say was that you’re lonesome. [She touches his shoulder] Plain old lonesomeness, that’s what’s the matter with you! [He turns to her and she gently touches his face] Nature says, “Don’t be lonesome!” [The curtain begins to fall] Nature says — “Don’t — be lonesome!”

CURTAIN