Next script on my script shelf:
Next play in my little unalphabetized pile of Samuel French plays is Coastal Disturbances
I wrote more about Tina Howe’s plays here. Coastal Disturbances got its first production on Broadway in the mid-80s – 1986, I think. It was Annette Bening’s big break. I remember the buzz around her performance – and I remember her performance from the Tony Awards show. They did a scene from the show. Also – Tim Daly was in it. I LOVE Tim Daly – where is he now? What a handsome talented actor.
There are many challenges to Coastal Disturbances – the main one being that it takes place on a beach. So the stage needs to be covered in sand. There are sand castles to be made – people need to buried in the sand, all of this is written into the script. Tina Howe thought that was an interesting thing to put on the stage: She wrote in the notes to the play: “There’s something wonderfully audacious about setting a play on a beach. Since the audience is sitting indoors, major trickery is called for. The key is embracing it with high spirits. It’s all just a matter of illusion. Only four elements are needed, and none of them cost very much — sand, scrim, paint and light. The amount of sand you’ll need will depend on the size of your stage. Be sure to hollow out several pits, one so Holly can be buried, and otehrs to accommodate beach umbrella poles and the tent at the end. Also, the sand must be watered down before each performance so the actors won’t sneeze or choke to death. The real challenge of the design is capturing the movement of the beach because the weather and time of day are always changing. One scene takes place at dawn, another on a dappled afternoon, the next during a violent thunderstorm. The restlessness of the ocean and sky have to read on dry land. Of course the actors are a great help in playing it all, but finally it’s paint, light, fabric and imagination that make it real.”
The other challenge of the play is that there are two kids in it – and they have pretty big parts – and they have to be kind of CRAZY kids, kids on summer vacation – and finding child actors who are not disgusting is always a challenge. You have to find kids who are real kids.
The play takes place on a private beach on the North Shore of Massachusetts. Leo, a 28 year old HOTTIE, is the lifeguard (Tim Daly played him). His physical beauty is referenced all the time. He is recovering from a bad breakup. He likes to escape on his sailboat. He’s a great character. He is a lightning rod for controversy. Everyone on the beach either finds him hot, or creepy – the opinions are split. People also wonder why he is a lifeguard – aren’t lifeguards supposed to be 18? Why is he such a loser that he is still a lifeguard?
Holly (played by Annette Bening) is a neurotic girl who is staying with her aunt – she’s in the middle of having a nervous breakdown. She can’t stop crying. She does her best to keep it together, but she bursts into sobs at the drop of a hat. She is a photographer. She also is recovering from a bad breakup – with a French gallery owner, I believe – who sounds like a pretentious jackass. He does show up on the beach towards the end of the play, wearing his gorgeous clothes, looking so out of place … he’s looking for Holly.
So Leo has the hots for Holly from the second he sees her. He hovers over her. He asks her out. She is usually crying when he does ask her out, so she misses the message. Any time Leo touches her, even casually, she jumps back as if burned. She is completely awed and overcome by his beauty – which is the main reason she pushes him away. Her lust for him makes her feel totally out of control.
There are other people who hang out on the beach – people who live along that stretch. There’s an elderly retired couple – she’s an amateur watercolorist, he is a retired surgeon who now collects shells. They squabble. There are also two women, once friends of Holly, who now live in the world of marriage, divorce, and kids. They look at Holly, with her artistic career, and her nervous breakdown, as though she is some exotic bird. They are judgmental. But really they’re just jealous. The two kids are Miranda and Winston – they are best buddies – and they wreak havoc up and down the beach.
Here is the scene where Leo and Holly finally … “hook up”. This was the scene they did on the Tony Awards show, so many years ago. The “hook up” happens after Leo gets a piece of broken glass out of Miranda’s foot. He is the hero of the moment. Holly still doesn’t know how to talk to Leo, because she basically just wants to gape at his beauty – but here is the conversation that occurs.
From Coastal Disturbances
[Holly sits alone on the beach, deeply affected by Leo’s gallantry. He returns and walks over to her. A silence]
LEO. Well, that was quite a … [He moves to sit next to her] May I …?
HOLLY. Sure. [They sit side by side. The sun begins to set giving the sky a rosy glow]
LEO. Listen, about what happened the other day, I’m …
HOLLY. Hey, no problem.
LEO. … really sorry. I don’t know what …
HOLLY. It’s okay. [a silence]
LEO. I usually don’t come on like that.
HOLLY. It’s okay.
LEO. If you’ve been with somebody a long time, you forget how to … You know, three years is a …
HOLLY. [putting her hand on his arm] You were really wonderful just now.
LEO. Come on.
HOLLY. No, you were. [a silence] The way you lifted her up in your arms … [Leo moves to kiss her. She edges away] Leo, no.
LEO. [tries again] Holly …
HOLLY. I can’t … [she starts to cry]
LEO. [putting his arm around her] Holly ….
HOLLY. Oh boy, here we go again …
LEO. What’s wrong?
HOLLY. Once I get started I …
LEO. Hey, hey …
HOLLY. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to … Oh God! … See, I’m just recovering from something myself. It’s so … DUMB! I mean, you lived with someone for three years … Talk about setting yourself up …! He just owns the most important photography gallery in the city, that’s all. You know, power and promises … beautiful women falling all over him … the whole charismatic thing … sweeping into rooms and making everyone’s heart stop.
LEO. Ah yes, there’s nothing like the good old charismatic thing.
HOLLY. The sexy accent and swimming eyes … kissing you on either cheek …
LEO. The good old charismatic-kissing-you-on-either-cheek thing.
HOLLY. Lowering his voice and swearing allegiance to only you.
LEO. The good old charismatic-kissing-you-on-either-cheek-swearing-allegiance-to-only-you thing.
HOLLY. Tying yourself in knots, trying to impress him all the time. I mean, who are we trying to kid …? What if the man were a chef or a jockey instead …? But of course he isn’t. So round and round I go, trying not to be crazy, but then he walks into the room and … [she starts weeping again] I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
LEO. Yeah, well, what can you do …? It’s like with me and Linda. She keeps saying I’m too much for her, but instead of backing off, I just get crazier.
HOLLY. I know, I know.
LEO. It’s a vicious circle.
HOLLY. Tell me about it.
LEO. You try and control yourself ….
HOLLY. Forget it.
LEO. You try not to get upset.
HOLLY. Please!
LEO. You say, just wait ’til next time.
HOLLY. I know. [Leo sighs deeply. Holly sighs deeply. A silence. Holly stretches out on the sand] God, I love this beach.
LEO. Yeah …
HOLLY. It’s so comforting to think it’s always been here.
LEO. Mmmm …
HOLLY. Before the Pilgrims .. before Christopher Columbus … before the Indians even.
LEO. Yeah.
HOLLY. It’s funny, you never picture Indians being at the beach, but they must have been. Can’t you just see it …? Teepee cabanas dotting the sand … braves surf boarding on totem poles … squaws sunning themselves on Navajo blankets … [Leo starts drizzling sand over her legs] And before them, cavemen and saber-toothed tigers … three-toed horses tiptoing across the sand like little pigs … [She makes little rooting noises and laughs] Oh, that feels good … You know what I read in a book …? That the island of Atlantis was really inhabited by dolphins.
LEO. Come on.
HOLLY. No, it’s true. They used to have legs and live on land.
LEO. Sure, sure.
HOLLY. I’m serious. If you dissect a dolphin, you’ll find these residual flippers tucked up beneath its stomach. They used to be legs, but when Atlantis sank, the dolphins had to go with it and adapt.
LEO. And if a cat had a square ass, it would shit bricks.
HOLLY. I’m telling you, it’s a fact! Dolphins used to walk around just like people! They wore pin-striped suits and carried briefcases!
LEO. Whatever you say.
HOLLY. Come on, everyone knows dophins are more like us than any other species. So, the resemblance has slipped a little, they probably had colonies right here — on this very spot. I can feel it! … They were tremendously social, you know. They loved to party. [Leo begins burying her in earnest] … During the mating season, out came the dancing shoes and there’d be this … stampede down the Atlantic coast. The men, or bulls, I guess you’d call them, wearing seaweed tuxedoes with mother-of-pearl studs, and the cows draping themselves with garlands of periwinkle and abalone … Don’t you love it how they always call male sea animals … bulls?! “Hey, I caught me a great bull walrus today!” … “Woa, look at that bull manatee go!” … [She starts laughing breathless freom the weight of the sand] Oh God, I can just see it! … Wall-to-wall dophins boogying from Miami clear up to Canada … This pulsing silver tide for as far as the eye can see … The surf creeping higher and higher, packing them in … lovesick couples sinking down to the ground … flippers arching, backs yielding, avalances of seaweed and sand starting to roll … Boy, do I feel weird … [laughing and giddy] I’m so lighthanded all of a sudden. I mean, headed. Lights in the head. Get it? Head lights! Boy, I really do feel strange … [Leo finished with his handiwork, stands over her and sings a wavering note of triumph]
HOLLY. [tries to rise] Hey, what’s …
LEO. [dancing around her] I’ve got you now.
HOLLY. I CAN’T MOVE!
LEO. [circling her, rubbing his hands like a villain] You’re mine, all mine!
HOLLY. [struggling to get out] LEO, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?
LEO. [laughing tenderly] I wish you could see yourself.
HOLLY. It’s not funny! Get me out of here!
LEO. [starts to leave] Well, so long. Don’t take any wooden nickels.
HOLLY. HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I’LL BE EATEN ALIVE BY SEA GULLS AND HORSESHOE CRABS! [He exits. Holly’s voice gets weaker and weaker] HELP … Help … Hellllp … [A silence, then in a sexy sing-song] LEO …? Oh Leo …?
LEO. [popping into view and settling beside her] You called?
HOLLY. You’re a real son of a bitch, you know that?
LEO. Actually, I’m a very sweet guy.
HOLLY. Sure, sure.
LEO. No, that’s my problem. I just come on a little strong. But underneath …
HOLLY. You’re crazy, you know that?
LEO. I’m a nice guy. [A silence] So how’re you doing?
HOLLY. I’ve got an itch on my nose.
LEO. [scratches it] How’s that?
HOLLY. Thank you.
LEO. Any time, any time.
HOLLY. Actually, you are a sweet guy, you just have a peculiar way of …
LEO. Holly, I’m falling in love with you. I don’t know what to do. [Silence] I don’t know. I can’t get my signals straight. I keep thinking you feel the same way. I have these dreams and you’re always beckoning to me, opening your arms and smiling, I’m so confused all the time.
HOLLY. Leo, don’t …
LEO. No, I’ve got to say it. Last night you began undressing me and whispering all these things …
HOLLY. [losing more and more ground] Please …
LEO. Like all that shit just now about dolphins making it on the beach. I had the feeling something else was going on. You know what I mean …? That you were telling me you wanted me — all that crap about arching backs and waving flippers. I mean, Jesus Christ …
HOLLY. Leo, no …
LEO. So admit it.
HOLLY. Don’t …
LEO. Just admit it, for Christsakes! [Holly sighs long and deeply] Come on, what are you afraid of …?
HOLLY. I’m just so …
LEO. I can’t take this anymore. I mean, are yo uplaying with me or what?
HOLLY. No, no, I’m …
LEO. So then I’m right.
HOLLY. Oh God …
LEO. You do … you know …
HOLLY. [in a whisper, shutting her eyes] Oh yes, yes. If you knew how much.
LEO. [kneeling down next to her] Holly, Holly …
HOLLY. Leo!
LEO. [eases down over her, covering her face with kisses] Oh baby! [Waves crash in the distance.]
AS THE CURTAIN QUICKLY FALLS
