— Okay, so back to Monday night’s TV watching. Because that is what is REALLY important here.
— First, we watched the newest and cheesiest and funnest show on television: Skating with Celebrities. I am HOOKED. Here are some of my observations:
— Todd Bridges, for some unknown and mortifying reason, makes me want to weep. When he fell, I GASPED out loud, knowing they would not move to the next round.
— Debbie Gibson is an asshole. Oh, excuse me: DebORAH Gibson. Bitch.
— Dorothy Hamill is so glowing and so gorgeous that it is as though she is lit from within. I mean, she was always so so pretty, but have you seen her now? She is just glowingly beautiful. But she is very soft in terms of her scoring. Alex commented seriously, “Dorothy Hamill wants to be liked.”
— That guy from Full House is a cutie – and I despised that show and everything it represented. But suddenly – watching him skating around with Miss Toothy Whiny Biyotch Nancy Kerrigan – I felt a deep deep eternal love for him blossom in my heart.
— Scott Hamilton is so cheesy! I mean, I realize that this is not a revelation, but I felt that I had to say it. His little “improvised” moments in between routines are cringingly awful. And what is even more awful – he commits to them fully. He doesn’t even know how cheesy he is. My brother has this THING about Scott Hamilton – kinda like his THING about Laura Linney … He saw him do a routine once where he just acted the CRAP out of it – he skated around in a tux – and somehow – at one point – with a big flourish of music – he ripped the tux off and there he was in a hippie outfit, with peace signs, and a vest, and bell bottoms. The audience, of course, went WILD. Brendan, however, was mortified. Here is how he described it to me: “It’s like he is crazy with enthusiasm. He skates and it’s like: ‘I’m GAY and I have ONE BALL and I’M SCOTT HAMILTON!” Welcome to my brother’s humor. I told you this as a set-up for what happened at the end of the show on Monday night. Scott Hamilton said into the camera, after all of the skaters did their thing, “Well … this has been an incredible incredible show …” and suddenly, I shouted at the television: “DON’T tell me how to feel, gay-ball!” Now … I MEANT to say “one-ball” (I know … I’m awful) but out came “gay-ball” and I am telling you – Alex and I were absolutely gone for about 10 minutes. We KEPT saying it. Her neighbors were treated to a neverending shouted chorus of: “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO FEEL, GAY-BALL” from next-door.
— After Skating with Celebrities we settled down to what we had been waiting for and so excited for: The Lifetime movie starring one of our favorite actresses of all time: Judy Davis. A Little Thing Called Murder. Alex and Mitchell and I basicall think Judy Davis is one of the greatest and most versatile actresses of her generation. We just LOVE her. I remember loving My Brilliant Career but it was really her performance in Woody Allen’s Husbands and Wives that clinched it for me. She is just deLICIously good. So we curled up on the couch … SO EXCITED … riveted to the television.
— The first scene was not just good – it was an assault. It’s not your basic Lifetime fare. There was a style to it, a camp to it. It did not let up. And Judy Davis was absolutely INSANE. Every moment with her is so rich, so full, so weird – that if it had been a tape, we would have been rewinding it constantly. Nobody but Meryl Streep (and Glenn Close, on occasion) is fearless enough to get as BIG as Judy Davis does. She just launches herself off the cliff – and it’s extraordinary. She is an amazing amazing actress.
— There were so many great scenes. We had a BLAST watching her just GO. The film was funny, psychologically frightening, and it’s also just amazing to think that all of this really happened. What a wack-job!
— Go, Judy Davis. She was terrific.
Why is Debbie Gibson an asshole? What did she do? Dirt, please.
Emily – we’ll tell you when we see you on Friday. It’s a good story.
I liked her better when she was “Debbie.” Those spandex bike shorts under the skirt. Those hats. The bad ass 80’s choreography and stirringly emotional songs of teenage love. The positive live affirming tunes. (Electric Youth? HELLO! The next generation is ELECTRIC!) Yeah, I liked her better as Debbie.
I love Judy Davis, too. Have you seen her in The Ref (w/Kevin Spacey) or Impromptu (w/Hugh Grant)? She is just …. delicious.
Hope – hahahaha I love that movie!!
I can’t wait to hear the story, Sheila.
And I love The Ref too. Denis Leary was hysterical in that movie. “Great, I hijacked my f*cking parents.”
Ok.
I missed Skating with celebs on monday, and I swear: I was deeply disappointed. And I believe my lovely wife was even more disappointed.
Because Skating With Celebrities is better than American Idol.
SO much better. I mean, it’s is fraught with danger!
For instance:
-Will Kristy Swanson have a scar on her chin like Harrison Ford from now on?
-Will Jillian Barberie’s skating costumes be able to contain her ample rack, which could possibly kill a bystander were it to break free? (Jillian Barberie’s chest and figure-skating wear are two things that are simply not designed to work well with each other.)
-Will Ty Babalonia escape that scary zombie chasing her around the ice? (Never mind, it’s just Bruce Jenner…)
-Will that third judge wear a suit that does not have a dragon embroidered on the shoulder? (Please let me know what he wore in episode 2.)
These are important questions.
Ones that can only be answered by tuning in every Monday!
Ummm, I wrote “it’s is” in my other comment. Good grief…
Scott Hamilton only has one ball? The things I learn from this site….
Mark – yes! I believe he had a bout with testicular cancer. Which makes it triply awful that we turn it into a joke. We mean it with love, though. The guy is an amazing skater. Just kinda cheesy.
Oops – that last comment was me, Sheila
Which makes it triply awful that we turn it into a joke.
Or singularly awful.
And for God’s sake ladies, the L. Ron Hubbard museum?
I think I’d be afraid of the L. Ron Hubbard museum. I would imagine it’s filled with Scientologists hiding behind shelves of terrible sci-fi novels, waiting to chloroform unassuming visitors so they can be lobotomized and redeployed as e-meter technicians.
Thank goodness you survived. You are both profiles in courage.
Wait wait wait, I thought that was Lance Armstrong’s story. They both had that happen? Which means that if they got together, they’d have a full nutsack between the two of them.
My Dave Coulier appreciation started way back with his old show “Out of Control” (old-time Nickelodeon). That was also the birthplace of his quickly-tired catchphrase, “cut it out” (with the ‘finger-scissors’ and hand gestures and whatnot).
In fact, I pretty much try to ignore that he was ever associated with “Full House.” As far as I’m concerned, he’s been out of the spotlight since OoC–well, aside from giving Alanis Morrisette material for “Jagged Little Pill”, and doing the “America’s Funniest People” stint [the world’s most blatant case of Saget-envy].
can anyone tell me how old ty babalonai is?