Hey, Kwan.

Give it up.

You’re through.

You’ve outworn your welcome by about 10 years.

So please: No more photos of you staring pensively into your own dark future, mkay? (Look at the main page of ESPN right now. I literally groaned out loud when I opened up the page.)

Kwan: Get out of the dern way and let the younger skaters compete.

“Wahh wahhhh wahhh I was outside during the Opening Ceremony … and I got a wittle sniffle in my nose … and I am tired today … waahhhhh wah wah wah wah …”

Give it up, Kwan. Now.

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26 Responses to Hey, Kwan.

  1. PatrickP says:

    You’re cracking me up.

    I open you blog and read – Hey. Give it up Kwan. I instantly begin laughing. Thank you.

  2. red says:

    hahahahahaha

    Like I’m some kind of Olympic gun moll.

    The next couple of weeks is gonna be fuuuuuun.

  3. tracey says:

    She’s twirling, twirling, TWIRLING towards obscurity!!!

  4. Stevie says:

    Oooooh, did widdle miss Kwannie get all cold out in the gweat big stadium?

    Buh-bye, Kwannie.

  5. red says:

    hahahahahahahahahahahaha

  6. Alex Nunez says:

    Dick Button, one week from now: “She’s twirling, twirling, twirling….oh dear. That’s gonna leave a mark.”

    How great was the bulls**t spin her people gave. “Her music wasn’t in the arena.”

    The Minions of The Kwan refuse to accept the cold reality.

    It.
    Is.
    OVER.

  7. red says:

    “gweat big stadium”

    can’t stop laughing …

    Kwannie brings out the vitriol in us!!

  8. red says:

    That article says she is “rarely rattled”. It seems like it should say she is OFTEN rattled – but granted, she has had a long long successful career – so maybe that’s true. All I know is is that I watch her, and I feel NERVOUS. You know??

    Also – the line “at times she looked almost despondent” …

    You know, despite my bitching – I feel for her, I really do – it’s gotta suck – but I’m sick of her having this private psychodrama take up THE ENTIRE OLYMPICS.

  9. Alex Nunez says:

    I was sick of hearing Bob Costas say, “Michelle Kwan” during the Opening Cirque Du Soleil

  10. Stevie says:

    Alex, it wasn’t Cirque Du Soliel, it was Cirque Du Crapeau.

  11. Alex Nunez says:

    Ok, the new ESPN.com headline is..get this..

    Kwan’s Quandry

    I love this. If she bails, what we we talk about?

  12. tracey says:

    I bet she DOES bail. But I hope she doesn’t. We want the entertainment!!

  13. Stevie says:

    Kwan’s Kwandry – Kan Kwan Kontinue?
    Kwitics Kwestion Koach re: Kwan Kwisis
    “Kwap!” Kwies Kwan; Kwits Kompetition

  14. Lisa says:

    Oh, man, if I was that Hughes girl, I would totally KICK SOME KWANNY ASS.

    You steal my friggin’ slot that I won FAIR AND SQUARE and then you threaten to drop out NOW?! Now that I’ve been left high and dry for two weeks?! NOW I get to be in the Olympics because little Miss Stiff Groin Muscle thinks she can’t go on?!

    Oh, man.

  15. Alex Nunez says:

    Steve, you missed one: Kwan Kapitulates

    If she bails, my lasers of evil will focus on Irina SLUTskaya.

  16. Stevie says:

    Freeze Up: The Kwan Debacle
    Dick Buttons Kwan: “I thought you were a pwo!”

  17. red says:

    Alex – oh no!! I like Irina – will we be forced to diverge paths??

  18. red says:

    “Kwap” kwies Kwan.

    I just don’t even know how to move past the funniness of that.

  19. Lisa says:

    “Be vewwy vewwy kwiet, we’re hunting excwuses.”

  20. Stevie says:

    Kwushed Ice: Kwan’s Dweams Kaput
    Kwan Out as Ice Pick

  21. jackie says:

    Kwaaaaaaaaaany, how I love ya, how I love ya!
    You great big Kwanny

    I’d give the world to seeeeeeeeeeee
    You dropping out – on – CBS and NBC

    Oh Kwaaaany….

  22. Alex Nunez says:

    Sheila. we’ll work through it.

    There are others to make fun of. It’s the Olympics.

  23. Susan B. says:

    Hi Sheila,

    I agree with this post and your earlier Kwan post. I can’t believe she’s in the Olympics again — I thought 2002 was to be her last. She should muster some dignity, be happy with her accomplishments and move on. The way things are going, it looks like she’s just going to embarrass herself.

  24. Just1Beth says:

    Ok, NOW I am pissed at Kwan. She (finally)pulled out. She is coming off as all “Oh, I want to put the team first…I want the US to have the strongest competitors…yadda yadda yadda”. THEN WHY DID YOU GO????? She KNEW she was injured, she KNEW she wasn’t in the best shape of her career, and yet she took the place of the kid WHO WAS!!! So now, Hughes gets to come over to Italy, but she missed all the hoopla of the opening ceremonies (alright, I know they are scarey-freaky) but SHE, the one who EARNED the right to be there, didn’t get to march in with her team, and was ripped off a bit, of the whole experience. Grrr…Kwan…..

  25. Nightfly says:

    “I’ve done far worse than kill you. I’ve hurt you. And I wish to go on…hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me… Stranded in the center of a dead planet… Buried ah-LIVE, buried ah-LIVE…”

    KWWWWWAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!

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