Sports Guy …

… on the glory that is Monday night television. I love the bit on this last Bachelor Paris – only because I saw it:

I loved the contrast between the two finalists: “Cute, happy, functional, baggage-free, average-breasted and not even remotely sexy” versus “mysterious, crazy, dysfunctional, baggage-saddled, big-breasted and smoldering with sex at all times.” No wonder Travis used the word “amazing” 437 times last night. It was an amazing decision to make. The Sports Gal and I were rooting for him to choose Sarah (the cute/happy chick), if only because we wanted to see Moana’s meltdown in the limo afterwards, as well as the Us Weekly story six weeks from now in which Travis reveals he and Sarah broke up because “we realized we were much better off as friends,” followed by him moving to L.A. and rolling through every D-list celebrity in Hollywood.

So what happened? He dumped Moana, leading to a limo breakdown that was even better than expected. The only thing missing was Moana’s head doing 360s while she screamed obscenities in Latin. Reader Andrew Martin even compared Moana’s meltdown to Ron Burgundy’s “I’m in a glass case of emotion” meltdown in “Anchorman,” wondering why she didn’t start screaming, “That mean man! He punted Baxter!” In fact, she was so crushed that they’re not even running one of those “After the Rose” shows next Monday because they’re probably afraid she’ll murder everyone in the studio.

I love this show.

hahahahahahahaha