Kyle’s Guide to College Relationships.
The college relationship is a curious one, more involved than a high school relationship, more intense than an adult relationship, and less mature than either. It is a relationship founded upon ambivalence and, in retrospect, deep shame.
Or:
The first step is to find a girl. There is a temptation here to go out socializing until you find someone with whom you share many common interests and would like to ask out on a date, leading to a healthy, fruitful relationship. Dont give in to this temptation. You should immediately fall madly in love with the first girl you see, ideally someone deeply entrenched in your limited first year social circle. The girl who likes your best friend, your roommates sister, your sisters roommate, even your mates roomsister are all fair play here. The key is to alienate as many people as possible once you two start dating and to create as much fallout as possible upon the inevitable breakup. We learn from our mistakes, so if your whole relationship is a mistake, its like super-learning!
More humor to follow in the rest of the essay … much of it sounds eerily familiar to me (ahem junioryearofcollege ahem)
Ah, the boorish pussy. My man of choice in 1985!
hahaha
Jesus, that’s funny. Describes my college experience(s) exactly.
Describes my marriage perfectly.
I love the part about pretending that you wrote the Jeff Buckley album Grace. hahahahahaha
Oops, now that I’ve read the whole thing at the link, I should probably say it doesn’t describe my college experience exactly. The excerpt above did…
So Michael – you didn’t lie around eating Skittles for a month and a half?
:)
I did actually lie around eating skittles for a month and a half while listening to The Cure. Never had the freak-out jealously thing happening, though.
hahahahaha I love that you did lie around eating Skittles!!! hahahaha
And of course. The Cure was huge in my college break-up experiences as well. There was also a lot of Depeche Mode going on, as I drove my car around campus, crying, and carrying on.
do you ever read progressive boink’s “the dugout”? baseball humor, deeply nerdy baseball humor not everyone will get, but oh my Lord, it’s so funny it sometimes feels like it should be illegal.
like, gut-laugh funny. i can’t emphasize this enough.
I love the Dugout. I know!!! You’re so right.
That whole site is addictive – the one that one guy wrote about his favorite Sesame Street characters was so funny that I literally CACKLED reading it.
Here it is.
Seriously. I love that piece so much but it is just PAINFULLY funny.
http://www.progressiveboink.com/dugout/archive/nick37.htm
lmfao
“not if you keep thinkin talkin ya jaws an obeyin ordas is the same.”
the dontrelle willis, jim thome and kyle farnsworth characters on there are just…at a whole other level.
Habitat For Humanity project or a good place for a beej?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
i loved it so much “lol” was not enough. :-)
The Sesame Street post was great in and of itself, but I love it even more for inspiring this response.
Genius!! I actually remember reading that – had forgotten it until just now, reading it again… I started laughing and crying AGAIN as I read it. So good!!