Diary Friday

or: The Continuous Mortification of Sheila.

Here’s an entry from my junior year in high school. There are too many exclamation points in the entry to even count. Why use two exclamation points when you could so easily use three????????

October 27

What a week! I wish I had written every day!!

First of all – today – “Cinderella” was put on today. I’m the Fairy Godmother, by the way. It’s such a fun part, vampy and jazzy. I get to spray paint my hair green, I do a wild dance. It’s such a funny show. I got out of afternoon classes and we did the show for the elementary school kids.

Then tonight we did it for the general public.

Betsy and I got there really early. We went into the Faculty Room, and I put on lipstick – hairspray – Betsy sprayed the back – I looked GROSS. My hair was so brittle it felt like it could snap.

Meanwhile, Betsy, in her long blue dress (she’s an evil stepsister) was swooping madly around the room. I was howling with laughter.

When Beth came, she told us that DTS was in the audience!!!! The last time I saw him was that day in Walden’s.

We were all bustling around backstage, setting props. There were about 6 people in the audience. Although it was, indeed, unprofessional, I peeked out for a second. There was DTS, in the back row in the corner, with this small black wool cap on – like the one Jack Nicholson wore in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. DTS was also wearing a big army fatigue jacket, and he was reading a magazine. I hissed his name at him, through the curtain. He looked up and around, spotted me through the curtain, grinned and waved. What a sweetheart. I miss him.

Michael plays the Prince. He is positively hysterical. He wears a leather jacket, a wallet chain, jeans, sunglasses. And every single line makes everybody laugh!!

It was before the show, everyone was getting all psyched in the Faculty Room, talking at once, there was a yearbook photographer running around, everyone was practicing lines and songs, putting makeup on, horsing around. I always get very weird on play nights. I never stop talking, or moving, or laughing. A-hem.

Anyway, Michael was eating a candy kiss. It looked scrumptious so I ran over to him and yelled, “Oh! Can I have a kiss??” Everyone sort of glanced over at me, and then BURST out laughing. Michael grabbed me and swept me over backwards – and in doing so, I knocked my hip quite painfully on the couch.

The show was terrific!! I did my vamp number … Mere was the page-turner for Peter the pianist. She was so cute – when I had to get the audience involved in counting the bongs of the clock, I have to say, “Everyone of ye! The piano man, too!” But during the show, because Mere was there, I changed it – I said, “Everyone of ye!” and looked straight at Mere, eagerly, still in character, and said right at her, “The piano people, too!” Mere was just laughing!! She nodded up at me, like, “Okay, okay … I’ll count the clock-bongs too…” I felt such camaraderie with her, even though she was down there, and I was onstage in a weird costume with green hair and a bogus Irish brogue. I just remember looking right at her, and her nodding – it was so hilarious. I love that girl!!!!!!

Today was great after 5th period.

See – I had a Math test today and DAMN it was frustrating. I knew what I was doing, knew how to do it, but I would do each problem zillions of times and get different answers EVERY SINGLE TIME. God, I got so MAD!!

Last night, when I was studying, I really started sinking into a depression. My schedule for this week was a joke. It was too much. Work, Cinderella, rehearsals, homework, the play – it just all crashed in.

I got so mad at myself studying for Math. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Every single time I got it wrong was because of an addition or subtraction mistake. EVERY SINGLE TIME!! My mom was painting the living room and Brendan was teasing me – I cannot explain how furious I got every time I got one wrong – I was trying so hard – so finally I just started crying. And I am not one for tears. No way. But when I start, get out the rowboats, people, strap on the life-preservers, here comes the damn flood.

My mom started past me for the kitchen and saw my face. “Oh, honey, come on now … don’t do this to yourself … come on … you know what you’re doing … you’ll do fine. If you screw up this quarter, you can work extra hard 2nd quarter…”

I was SOBBING. I think it was really just because I was so exhausted. I had come home from work, I had supper, I looked at Math for 15 minutes, I put my Cinderella costume together, I went to a 2 ½ hour dress rehearsal, came home at ten, and now was trying to cram.

My mother (I thank God for her every day!) said, “Just go to sleep, Sheila, and you’ll feel so much better tomorrow.”

I was hysterical – “I won’t feel better! I can’t fail this test! God, I am so stupid!”

My mom hastily ran for the Kleenex. Brendan then came over and showed me how to do negatives and positives, but I didn’t care anymore. I looked an absolute mess. I flopped into bed totally wiped out and depressed. I couldn’t get to sleep. I kept thinking of Math. I felt sick to my stomach. F’s loomed before me. These are my previous grades – 78 and a 40 – I woke up with mascara streaks and blotches down my face, and the sickening feeling that I would have to act today – when we did Cinderella – and act all cheerful, even though I just flunked another Math test.

But – Diary, I GOT A 90!!!!!!!! AHHHH! An honest-to-God 90!!!

Oh, that made my day.

Acting class was beautiful, going to work was heaven, boys are beautiful things!!! Boys are put on this earth to give me joy and humor.

In Chemistry today, Mere and I were working in the lab – before Math – and yesterday, Keith McAuliffe and I had been laughing in Math because of some of our answers. Keith was in the same situation as myself. He KEPT coming up with wrong answers, no matter what he did. And we were so on the same wavelength. We were getting these weird weird answers like 104/31 and negative 3/56 … Like: CLEARLY those are wrong answers. But we would look at each other like, “What the hell????? How the hell did I come up with THAT weirdness?”

So later in Chemistry, I said, “Keith.” He looked over. I said, “With Mr. James, does he like take off if the signs are messed up, or does he give partial credit, if he sees that you know HOW to do the problem…”

He shrugged. “I have no idea. I mean ….” He stopped, and then he just burst into laughter. “‘Cause some of the answers we were getting in there … I mean … 104/31?” He just flopped back in his seat laughing.

So basically what I am trying to say is I love him. I love Keith McAuliffe.

So anyway, he and I both got 90s on the test, and we got the same two wrong. It is creepy. I swear that we do not sit anywhere near eacah other!

As we started up for lunch, he was ahead of me on the stairs, and I said, “Keith!” Keith turned around, one foot a step higher than the other, and waited for me to catch up to him – He said, “Yeah, I got a 90.” “Me too!” He just started laughing again, his laugh is so real, so friendly – And he kept laughing, and said, “Man, they were all just stupid mistakes!”

I said, “Mine too! God!”

I wonder if he realizes how special he is. Probably not and that is why he is so special.

Mere’s birthday is coming up. I want to get her a life-size Marlon Brando poster. I hope she likes it.