… of the Insane Lifestyle Mentioner. I could not agree more. (I’ve bitched about the “I don’t even OWN a TV” snots before – but she elaborates on that theme.)
It’s under the heading HOSTILE TO CERTAIN SUBCULTURES … but her whole post is worth reading – as her posts ALWAYS are.
ILFs! I hate me the ILFs!
Snobby German Woman was in Colorado on my last visit. She’s one of those people who always talks about how they only eat healthy and never let their kids have junk food or soda…blah, blah, blah…as her daughter walks by, munching on a bag of Chips Ahoy about ten minutes before dinner. I hate people who have to make smug declarations about their healthy eating habits and/or lifestyle, mostly because they almost invariably come from people for whom it really isn’t true.
I loves the Mimi.
“Was that on TV? Because I dont own a TV. I haven’t watched TV since I was a child. I have better things to do with my time than sit in front of the television.”
Like what?
Yeah – and it like totally stops the conversation. Morons. Who cares that you don’t own a TV? Or that you only eat soy sprinkled with wheat grass? Why am I supposed to care? Or feel bad about myself? Get OVER yourself.
Lisa,
I know. Whenever someone gives the “I don’t watch TV/only watch PBS” schtick, I always feel like saying “so, how is the search for the cure for cancer coming? Or is it ending world poverty that you’re working on this week?” I mean, if you’re going to be a self-righteous asshole, at least be one because you are actually spending your time furthering humanity or something.
Bwah ha ha ha ha! yes, yes, the Insane Lifestyle Mentioners! I work in academe so believe me, I am exposed to these Every. Single. Day. Of. My. Life.
The “I don’t watch tv” people. Check.
The “I won’t shop at Wal-Mart” people. Check. (I seriously wonder what they do; in my town the choice is Wal-Mart, the icky-wilted-produce place, or driving an hour’s round trip – or more, if you want Whole Froods – to shop)
The “My kids’ diets are so pure of sugar, fat, artificial color, and flavor, that CSPI is using us in a poster campaign” people. Check.
The “You should walk or ride a bike everywhere, or else the terrorists win” people. Check.
The “I use as little electricity as possible, that means I don’t use air conditioning so I’m better than you” people. Yeah, fine, knock yourself out. Just don’t stand so close to me, thanks.
The “I don’t believe in God and I’m going to needle at you until you don’t, either” people. I don’t care what Mimi says, these are WORSE than the Jesus people. I’d happily work next to a person who thanks Jesus for every dime she finds in the parking lot, and tells me about him all day long, than get stuck next to some Richard Dawkins type who mutters all day about how stupid I am because I believe in something bigger than myself.
I’m also with her on the infectivity of the Crabby Virus. I try really really hard to stay immune but, you know? Sometimes it’s darned hard, especially when someone’s being cranky and willfully stupid with you….
Also – there’s just a lack of humor there. I don’t give a crap if you believe in Jesus – Really, honestly, I DON’T. But if you’re HUMORLESS and you believe in Jesus? – Then I am definitely your silent enemy. I guess that’s the one thing all Insane Lifestyle Mentioners have in common: no sense of humor.
The other thing that bugs me about ILMers (hahahaha) is that – they don’t get that seemingly opposite things can fit IN THE SAME LIFETIME.
For example:
— I religiously watch American Idol
— I also have an entire bookshelf devoted to history and biographies
— I adore the movie “Blue Crush”
— I read the Federalist Papers for fun
— I can’t live without Grey’s Anatomy
— I read Shakespeare’s sonnets out loud to myself when I want to relax
Such “inconsistency” would make the ILMers’ heads explode.
But most people I know are like that and are fine with it. Whatever. A woman with a PhD in astrophysics loves to come home, flop in a chair, and read cheesy bodice-ripping romances.
I totally get that.
“A woman with a PhD in astrophysics loves to come home, flop in a chair, and read cheesy bodice-ripping romances.”
I love that kind of characteristic in a person. Seriously. It makes them so much more complex and three-dimensional. I have a Ph.D. too, but I can quote many many lines from “The Simpsons” and I also have a Simpsons-related anecdote for many situations. And I love mystery novels, even cheesy ones. And I adore cartoons, probably 90% of what I watch on television is cartoons. And I sometimes buy boxes of “sugared cereal” (as my mom used to call it) because of the prize inside.
and I know all that’s sort of goofy, but I don’t care. I embrace my goofiness, because without it, I’d be one hella boring bitch.
— I religiously watch American Idol
— I also have an entire bookshelf devoted to history and biographies
— I adore the movie “Blue Crush”
— I read the Federalist Papers for fun
— I can’t live without Grey’s Anatomy
— I read Shakespeare’s sonnets out loud to myself when I want to relax
I do believe that is the most insane lifestyle I’ve ever heard of…
…why, it’s as if someone et the insane RUHT that destroys reason (note: said with straight face. Honest.)
;-)
Once again: I am in AWE of your memory.
Seriously. You have obviously NOT et the insane RUHT in order to remember that!! hahahaha
Also, I confess to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have been an ILM from time to time. I’ve always had a TV, but I would go days without watching it, and was rather too proud of that.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, kyrie eleison, amen
Frankly, if you don’t think Bring It On is one of the most perfect movies ever made ever, then I don’t want to know you.
That’s the rule in my universe: You must love Bring It On.
And Ricky Gervais.
I love playing games like that, Lisa – like what are your deal-breakers??
Must love Bring It On is a pretty good one.
I also feel like if someone thinks Cary Grant SUCKS … I just couldn’t be with that person. Romantically CERTAINLY not – but also not as a friend. I wouldn’t respect their intelligence.
That’s flat out the truth.
And yes – anyone who “gets” the BBC version of The Office is okay by me.
Hahahaha, Sheila. I just had a completely unemotional and entirely regret-free break-up with someone who insulted Syd Barrett.
HAHAHAHAHA
Totally man – that definitely classifies as an “irreconcilable difference” as far as I’m concerned
I went out with a guy who broke up with a girl because she loved Sinbad. He just couldn’t do it. She also had never heard of Zero Mostel. That was the last straw.
I don’t know — I already made my deal 16 years ago, do I GET deal-breakers? :)
Group of workers gathering, deciding where to go to lunch:
MITCH: “So where should we go?”
COW-ORKER #1: “How about that Greek joint?”
ILM (Vegan) COW-ORKER: “No. Could we pick a place that doesn’t serve dead animal?
—silence—
MITCH: “OK – anyplace out there serve live animal?
mitch, LOL, that’s fantastic, i wish i could have watched in person! fine, eat your veggies, but please, don’t pretend you’re morally superior because i loves me a big old slab of cow! besides, all the veggie preachers are fine with eating fish, and i just don’t get that. it’s ok to stab them in the mouth but it’s not ok to stab a cow in his whole body?
and my dealbreakers… must love Nerds candies and “get” Arrested Development.
oh, one more. If you think John Travolta has an iota of acting talent, I’m out.
From somebody’s signature line from some forum (note: not to be taken as advocacy, just to be sure):
Vegetables are not food. Vegetables are what food eats. Fruits are vegetables that fool you by tasting good. Fish are fast vegetables. Mushrooms are what grow on vegetables when food is through with them.
…”Mushrooms are what grow on vegetables when food is through with them.”
that’s funny ‘cos it’s TRUE.
I don’t have any “little” deal breakers – most of mine are pretty big. If he’s dismissive (and not “I love you but don’t get this so I’m teasing you ‘cos I love you” dismissive) of things that are deeply important to me, that’s a dealbreaker.
and even the Simpsons and my love of sugared cereal with prize inside are deeply important to me.
He also has to be someone who’s not an *sshole to waiters. For some reason that just so totally gets under my skin that I would GET UP and WALK AWAY from a date if the guy was being an *sshole to the waiter.
oh, he also has to cut his toenails once in a while. Big horse-hoof toenails on a guy are icky. I can even deal with back hair better than I can deal with horse-hoof toenails.
//Fish are fast vegetables. //
I can’t stop laughing about that one.
ricki – hahahaha I think you and I have talked about that whole rude to waitstaff thing before. Yup. TOTAL dealbreaker. Non-negotiable. It tells me everything I need to know about that person.
And of course – if you get the wrong order, you can send it back. But just plain old rude because they feel like they’re BETTER than the person serving them? Nope.
Put a fork in me cause I’m DONE.
ricki –
Very often Backrub Boys have horse-hoof toenails. Just so you know. Stay away.
“Nora: Call her right now! You say EGGPLANT FOR DINNER! And then you press some buttons. And then you hang up. Okay? Okay.”
Hahahahaha.
Ricki- I think you are my new best friend. Between the waiter comment and the horse hoof toenails, I think we are twins separated at birth. You are the coolest person I have ever (not)met!!
“A woman with a PhD in astrophysics loves to come home, flop in a chair, and read cheesy bodice-ripping romances.”
Does a Ph.D. in Physical Chemistry count? ‘Cause I know one of those.
Well, John – you could insert any higher-education degree and any seemingly incongruous book title and it would still make the same point.
He has an MBA from Harvard, and is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and he likes to come home and read his old Hardy Boys books.
She has a PhD in microbiology and enjoys unwinding by reading Superman comics.
etc.
etc.
Fill in the blanks for yourself.
Imagining a guy, frazzled after a long day at the office, taking off his tie, pouring a scotch, then throwing his legs over the side of his easy chair and snuggling up with a Hardy Boys book has my guffawing over here!