Just unbelievable. Yeah, the main thing I think of when I think of Jane Austen is she “died a spinster”.
Speaking of Jane Austen – I flipped through this book while I was in Barnes & Noble yesterday – and had to put it down. Thought I would puke.
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“Died a spinster”? I’m sorry, but WTF? This is probably THE most famous female writer in English? And that’s how they choose to memorialize her?
(Yeah, I suppose I’m peeved because that could be a way people could describe me (unless my status changes markedly in the next 40 years or so, and the “dating pool” I have access to improves markedly). )
And about that book: I tend to feel about other-author-penned sequels and prequels about the way I feel about remaking classic movies. Trust me, Justin Timberlake as Rick would not in any way be an “improvement” or even worth trying as a remake of Casablanca. And that redoing “Bringing up Baby” with, say, Adam Sandler in the Cary Grant role would be highly undesirable.
Personally? I think the ghost of Jane Austin needs to come back and kick both those people’s asses.
I’m with you, ricki. WTF? Also, sorry – but “spinster”? Can we retire that word, please? I thought it WAS retired, but apparently not.
WTF indeed. That is such horseshit. You wouldn’t see that on a male author’s epitaph from the period. Can you imagine : “he died a latent homosexual.” It’s completely irrelevant! Now I’m mad. Thanks.
Kate – that was my thought, too. They would never LEAD with that factoid for a man … it might be notable, but that wouldn’t be the first fucking thing mentioned. grrrrr
And about that ridiculous word: Up until just a few years ago, if you bought a condo or a house in Illinois, (and you were female and not married), your property deed would claim, “spinster.” When I bought mine 5 years ago, it had been changed, to Kate —, an “unmarried woman.” Isn’t that ridiculous?
It’s outrageous is what it is.
Seriously. Who the hell do you think you are? Buying a condo by yourself, you freakin’ spinstah??
Yeah, my house deed (not in Illinois) claims me as “an unmarried woman.” As if that matters. I think all the bank cares about is that you make the payments. Or at least, I HOPE that’s all they care about.
Good point on the “latent homosexual” thing. You probably wouldn’t see that brought up right smack off the bat. Even writers who were KNOWN to be gay (Wilde, for example) usually are not described as, “Oscar Wilde, who died a gay man in….”
it is kind of sickening that some people still think it’s ok to define a woman based on whether she popped out a sprog or (legally) bedded down with a chap…
Oh my god…that last link…Jane Austen fan fiction…that’s just WRONG. And I don’t even really like her stuff (that’s not to piss on the heads of fans here or anything. It’s just to point out that even to someone who doesn’t necessarily have any emotional investment in her work, the very thought is vile).
Emily – I know, I know!!
People have done that with Lucy Maud Montgomery’s stuff too – there are all these books out of stories “inspired by LM Montgomery’s work” and it makes me see red.
Read the real thing. Come on now.
It seems to me, too, just from the few pages I looked at – that it gets into the physical relationship between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy – you know, married sex and all that … because of course Jane Austen draws the curtain on all of that … and modern audiences can’t stand that … so I caught a glimpse of Mr. Darcy kissing Elizabeth’s bare neck – and … it just doesn’t seem right. Not that I don’t think those 2 do have hot married sex – hahahaha – I do! – but it’s WAY better in my imagination, thank you very much.
Regarding the book that you linked to… I had the horrific experience of reading a few pages of that author’s first book, “Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife,” (or titled something along those lines). Yeah, it was one of the worst things I’ve ever read. Words cannot describe– I think I’m scared for life, and after only 4 pages.
I agree that it is always best to read original works rather than stories “based on” or “inspired by,” but I *am* enjoying Pamela Aidan’s “Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman” trilogy. Don’t hate me because I’m reading glorified fanfic! ;-) Have you read/heard of them?
Sarah – hahaha I actually have written some fanfic in my day – so I totally understand the impulse. like: I don’t want the story to end, I want to explore what THIS subtext was about, blah blah … There are tons of books where I just want to know: How the hell did THAT relationship work out?? (Jane Eyre being the main one! I mean, yay for them getting together and all that … but what happens next with those 2??)
But no, I have not heard of the trilogy of which you speak – I’m not sure what it’s about. Is it like a prequel??
“Red” seeing red–ha. Yeah, I don’t know, does “spinster” have any special slang meaning in G. Britain I don’t know about?
It’s nice to wonder “what happened next,” but that stuff is downright presumptive. And did anybody else notice on the fictional “Darcy” work OF COURSE Lizzie had TWINS!? I hate that BS where everybody has twins. IIRC my friend from high school (may she rest in peace) who was a voracious reader and a big Star Wars fan told me that in the novel series of sequels, Princess Leia and Han Solo got married and had twins. At least it ran in Princess Leia’s family.
Ricki has a REAL idea for a story–Jane Austen’s ass-kicking ghost. I dare her to run with it (and if not please let me know b/c I just might).
The trilogy covers the time-line of Pride and Prejudice, but it is all from Darcy’s PoV. The first book (which I am not quite done with) begins with the move to Netherfield and ends with the ball and his return to London. Book two is the time between arriving in London and going to visit Lady Catherine, and book three is the proposal to end. I think. Several of my friends have read and enjoyed the trilogy, and so far I am enjoying it as well. If anything, Aidan does well with keeping her style and vocabulary at least similar to that of Austen.
And ditto to the curiosity with Jane Eyre! “Reader, I married him” and had children, yes, wonderful… but there has GOT to be more to that story. sigh.
I think spinster is the same in any language and it should be ass-kicked into obscurity, or only used with major irony.
I’m spearheading the cause.
And seriously – don’t even think that I haven’t imagined what hot sex is like between Darcy and Elizabeth – I’ve got graphic X-rated novels in my head – at all times – but seriously, these are my own fantasies. To share them? To tack my name on to the Jane Austen name? EW. Some people just got no sense.
If you look at that Amazon page – the author says something about how the mini-series turned her on so much that she couldn’t bear that it was over. She COULDN’T BEAR IT.
The fact that it was the MINI SERIES that propelled her to start to write sequels – and not the book itself – also makes me want to puke.
Sarah – hahahaha I know – like: what do those 2 people talk about at dinner? I mean, what?? Yeah, you married him, but then what?? Do you have those nutso ESP moments when you live in the same house? Do you laugh? Have hot sex? Take walks? What the hell??
But again: I love to imagine that stuff, just because … it’s pretty neat in my imagination, it’s fun up there … and I would rather not SUBMIT to somebody else’s fantasy, if you know what I’m saying.
I’ve read a couple of books that I guess could qualify as an alternative looking at a well-known story. Like Wicked – which I did enjoy.
And another one I really liked was the book Ahab’s Wife – which, I know, sounds so stupid – but I really liked it. Not as much as Moby Dick, of COURSE – but it was about the wife at shore, and the wives of these whalers – who never saw their husbands for years at a time – I don’t know, I felt trepidatious picking it up – but I actually thought it was good.
Ahab is barely in it – because he’s gone for so long – so I didn’t feel like she was stepping on Melville’s territory. It was the womanly waiting by the seashore side of things – and it was a good read.
There was once this movie made that was supposed to be an alternative take on Brian’s Song, except told from the points of view of the main character’s wives. Whoever made that movie should be killed. No trial. No judge. No jury. Just death.
Oh dear. I just realized I may have possibly but inadvertently inspired Sheila to write a story called Adrian.
Emily – don’t tempt me.
I am just cackling over here, Emily. Shit – now I think I HAVE to write it, just for the comedic value.
My god. What have I done?
hahahahahahaha
I am suddenly experiencing a profound empathy for how Jodie Foster must have felt after John Hinkley Jr. shot Ronald Reagan.
It was a cold night in Philadelphia and the icy wind seeped underneath the door of the pet shop. Birds chirped, ruffled feathers, and pecked restlessly at the air, waiting for their meal. Feathers blue and yellowand green … gleaming through the dingy air of the pet shop.
Adrian sometimes, peering at the birds through her thick glasses, wondered what it would be like to have such beautiful and bright plumage. She knew that if she were a bird she’d probably be a sparrow. Plain, and brown, and very very small. Adrian’s hands were like little icicles as she got out the brid feed, and as she went through her simple tasks, she tried to stop the thought from coming – and yet it was no use, it came anyway: “Is Rocky going to stop by tonight?”
Nope. I can’t do it. My gag reflex has just been activated. Can’t do it.
Geez Sheila, that’s some dangerous stuff you’re messing with there. It’s like sheilamatter and anti-sheilamatter. If you’re not careful, the whole blog could go.
HAHAHAHAHA matter and antimatter!!
I am cackling! I was even toying with deleting that filth … because I find it so disturbing. Its very existence is haunting me right now.
I’m blaming Emily.
As you should. I’m so ashamed.
Kate, red, et al:
may I humbly remark that I live to serve? I banged out a “Jane Austen Kicked My Ass” story and posted it:
Jane Austen Kicked My Ass
“Jane Austen Kicked My Ass.”
I am giggling like a stoned hyena.
A year away from teaching certification, and already I inspire. . . ah, I can go to bed now. :)
All, right, I propose we Mad Lib this thing. Each commenter adds a paragraph to Sheila’s beginning. Emily, you first.
Oh, John, as much as I could get into the campy fun of that, I’m overwhelmed by the fear that Sylvester Stallone may one day find himself ego-googling his dear Rocky, stumble across this site, and rightfully put out a contract on the life of everyone who participated in such a thing.
This post started out about Jane Austen and managed to make it’s way to Rocky. Sheila’s contagious, folks. CONTAGIOUS.
Emily – hahahahahaha I know – and you know what? I wasn’t the one who brought up Rocky. And I’m the one who’s obsessed. But Rocky is just … in the air here, ya know what I mean?
It’s awesome.
My work is done.
Don’t delete it…it will go into the lexicon, to be dredged up later as one of the Legends of the Salon.
Ken – clearly I have eaten the insane ruht that takes the reason prisoner.
And CHiPs wasn’t even trying at the time….
“CHiPs wasn’t even trying” HAHAHAHAHAHAH