If Equal Affection Cannot Be

Posted on April 30, 2004 by sheila

The More Loving One
by Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

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8 Responses to If Equal Affection Cannot Be

  1. Emily says:
    April 30, 2004 at 6:59 pm

    That last stanza always kills me. KILLS me. I could just say it out loud over and over and over.

  2. red says:
    April 30, 2004 at 7:35 pm

    I know.

    Weirdly – even though I know the poem by heart i’ve read it so many times – I remember the first time I read it.

    And I distinctly remember having this experience during the last stanza (not knowing what the killer last line was going to be) – thinking: This is too hopeful, he’s too hopeful, this is bull shit –

    And then came the ka-pow of the very last line.

    “Though this might take me a little time.”

    I remember just sitting there, holding the book, in total and utter shock. It LANDED.

  3. Sgt Hook says:
    April 30, 2004 at 10:17 pm

    Wow. I’ve a new favorite poem, thanks.

  4. MikeR says:
    April 30, 2004 at 10:57 pm

    This is a great, beautiful poem, Red.
    Thanks for sharing…

  5. Dave E says:
    April 30, 2004 at 11:14 pm

    Sheila-That is a great poem. What caught me was:

    “But on earth indifference is the least
    We have to dread from man or beast.”

    Particularly these days. Time for a Beamer. And one raised to Sgt. Hook and Company of course.

  6. Bernard says:
    May 1, 2004 at 9:28 am

    The poem reminds me of another piece of verse whose sing-song quality contrasts a sobering thought:

    Now I lay me down to sleep
    And pray the Lord my soul to keep.
    If I should die before I wake,
    I pray the Lord my soul to take.

    (But I must say I find Auden’s words the more haunting.)

  7. red says:
    May 1, 2004 at 1:52 pm

    This for me is really the essence of the poem (it is the title, after all)

    If equal affection cannot be,
    Let the more loving one be me.

    So difficult. But for me, words to live by. Or at least try to.

    So glad everyone likes this poem – and so glad that some people had never read it before, and are now introduced to it.

    Especially our fearless Sgt. Hook in Afghanistan!! Amazing!

    I used to recite this poem every night to myself in the month following September 11, when I could still see the smoke rising out of my window from lower Manhattan and I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

    Bernard – it kind of acted like a prayer. Amazing, right?

    I hung on to that last line, in those dark days. This is going to take some time, Sheila. Give it some time. I can not look at the “empty sky” (the missing space in our skyline) and find it sublime … but I certainly do not ache now as much as I did back then, when looking at that space in the sky.

  8. fad says:
    May 2, 2004 at 1:10 am

    Damn. Reading the comments, I really wish any of that would make a lick of sense to me.

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